perfectly imperfect

Malu

2012-02-04T10:21:00.001+08:00

I used quite a large monitor attached to my laptop, since the laptop screen failed me; twice. *sumpah tak nak baiki dah*
So, when I changed the layout of this blog, what I had in mind was to have the robot to sort of holding the page of this blog.

It looked good.

Until I opened my blog from other people's laptop!
Because the average screen size of laptops are smaller than my monitor, I guessed I have been embarrassing myself with distorted layout for months now.

Why don't you people say something? *tutup muka*

Now, I have to start thinking of a new layout. This one is old anyway. So, wait and see :)

Flying Butter

2012-02-03T01:22:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of missing.
I want to end this thing.

Just a little longer dear me,
You'll break out into butterfly oh so pretty.

Kawan

2012-01-24T08:08:00.001+08:00

Aku masih ambil kisah
Hal dirimu dan hidupmu

Aku mahu diwajahmu menguntum
lorek kecil senyum

Aku mahu kau ketawa
hingga terbit air mata

Aku masih kawanmu
Walau tak serapat dulu.

#RIP Bestfriendship
#LiveLong Friendship

Go

2012-01-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

Orang cakap, " If it's no good for you, why don't you just let it go?"

Apparently, letting go is easier said than done.

Sudahlah

2011-12-27T16:12:00.000+08:00

Kalau aku happy sangat,

Kenapa tak join saja?

Kenapa perlu keluar keringat?

Buat aku sengsara.

Kalau aku gembira gila,

Kenapa kau perlu jealous?

Aku nak kongsi ketawa,
Tak perlulah envious.

Aku tahu dulu kita rapat,

Sembang selalu gelak tak ingat,

Dah takdir Tuhan berselisih faham

Tak ada chemistry, aku pun pergi

Memang di hati rasa kecewa,

Tak senang hidup dah hilang teman

Kugagah juga walau merana

Kubulat tekad, pandang ke depan

Tapi itu dulu,

aku berlalu

itu yang kau mahu

semahu hatimu

Bukan mudah senyum kembali,

Bukan mudah menjadi sendiri,

Bila kujumpa gembira semula,

Kenapa kau cemburu tak ingat dunia?

Sudah-sudahlah

Cukuplah

Cubalah menjadi gembira semula

Hidup di dunia hanya sekali

Hidup dunia cukup menyiksa

Kenapa menyiksa diri kau lagi

Manusia

2011-12-24T15:57:00.001+08:00

Aku sudah hidup cukup lama,

Untuk aku mengerti bahawa manusia,

Tidak layak menerima cinta,

Dari aku mahupun sesiapa.

Kerana manusia itu kejam,

Derita yang lain mata dipejam,

Derita sendiri tersebar sealam,

Kepingin simpati tak tahan dipendam.

Kerana manusia dalamnya tamak,

Kononnya tulus hakikatnya bengkak,

Hatinya busuk menanti rosak,

Lusuh dan kotor menunggu rabak.

Manusia itu kejam,

Lelah aku memberi pinjam,

Perhatian, cinta, kasih dan sokongan,

Hasilnya kosong, tiada dipulangkan.

Dan aku juga, seorang manusia.

Wed

2011-12-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

Kawan aku kahwin.

Ah, bergegar singgahsana bujang aku.
Tercabar jiwa besar kejantanan aku
Terbit keringat semangat kelakian aku

Lihat cermin, lihat akaun bank.
...
...
...
Cancel semua perasaan hiperbola.

Climb

2011-12-15T12:03:00.000+08:00

I was determined
I'm going to conquer this rocky mountain
I was doing fine
I'm halfway there
To the peak

But then I stumbled
Because of one little tiny rock, a stone
I loose my balance
Falling free, and hit the bottom hard.

I'm back at square one.
I had it all, but now I have none.
I'm everything cuts and bruises,
I'm crippled physically, tormented spiritually

So much for determination,
so much for the dream.

I'm waiting for a miracle,
But miracle don't come simple,
I need help from the people,
but that too ain't come simple.

#No distinguishable rhyme, just like how my heart beats now.

Phobia

2011-12-03T21:44:00.001+08:00

Warning! : This post is not suitable for people who's about to have a meal, is having a meal, or just finished having a meal. Any throwing up and loss of appetite is at your own risk.

When I was a kid, a little kid, I was a bit of a Jambanophobic. Well, a lot actually. I'd leave the door open when I'm doing the business, if you know what I'm saying. So that the confined space and the stories that setan living inside the room won't bother me while I'm finishing up the work to help the world to be more fertile. Oh, my business sure do have everything to do with baja.

Ah, I can see you already judging the decision I made to leave the door open. FYI, my jamban a.k.a the office was so creepy, it's the kind that's separated from the main house. Dark and surrounded by trees. Made from wood entirely , the door creaked when you try to open it. It gave me goosebumps just by imagining it. Really, I'm sweating right now.

When I do the business, I do it seriously. And this busy lil kid thusly need a secretary waiting at the door, none other than his Mak, to , you know, kemaskini fail maybe and stuff. Business stuff. But most of the time like all secretaries, Mak don't care what nasty business her lil boss did. She'd do the normal secretaries stuff, like looking at her nails or termenung. But if she's too busy, she will boss around interns to do the job. And by intern it means my Adik (God bless her, ameen).

But being my own boss didn't mean I can lay back and enjoy the fortune. No. I was a workaholic believe it or not. Sometime, I have to answer calls (read: nature calls) even when it's Maghrib or 2 in the morning. Oh, I hate to answer calls at Maghrib,because you can literally feel setan's hair sweeps your back while they fill up the 'office' when they hear the azan.

But now that I'm all grown up and all that hantu setan stories can give me are just adrenaline rush; I'm happy to say that I made full recovery on my ridiculous Jambanophobia.

And do you wanna know what helps me the most with the recovery? It's sekolah asrama. Sekolah asrama's jamban(s) to be exact. When you know on the other side of the wall of the jamban is more jambans, not hutan paya semak belukar, you have one less thing to worry about.

And the ultimate reason for the recovery? The smell and sound of your friend doing the exact same thing you're doing.

Bye Jambanophobia, flushed, down the toilet.

Kind of

2011-11-22T20:11:00.001+08:00

It's kind of hard
To miss somebody
but you just don't know who

It's kind of hard too
To miss somebody
but that somebody probably won't miss you back

It's kind of hard
To browse down the phone book
Just to find that you have nobody you can call

It's kind of hard, ya know...

Simple

2011-11-18T10:27:00.001+08:00

I want to be simple

I want a short hair cut

So I won't waste half of my life

In front of the mirror twisting and tweaking my hair

I want to take a long shower

And sing while doing that

I want to wear a plain t shirt

And a pair of cheap jeans

I won't care about how people look at me

I want to laugh at jokes

Make fun of people

Be fun to people

I want to read novels

By the window

I want to lay on the grass

Under the shade of trees

Close my eyes, feel the breeze

Or watch the ever changing clouds

I want to be simple

I want to love myself

Don't care if others don't

I'm No You

2011-11-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

I live my life careful, you see.

Because God make me imperfect.

I don't blame God, oh no.

I've learnt that this is just a test from Him.

Me being imperfect, is a test to me.

God may not judge me for who I am.

But who am I to stop anyone from judging me.

I'm afraid of what you think of me.

I'm afraid of the way you stare at me.

I'm afraid of what you have to say about me.

I'm afraid that you hate me.

I watched carefully the way I talk, walk; well... do things.

Everything.

Each and every time.

So that, you won't hate me.

So, forgive me if I let loose a little.

Forgive me to rest for a while from being someone you'll like.

Forgive me if my letting loose a little, is an eyesore to you.

See,

I trust myself no more than you trusting me.

So forgive me if I don't trust you,

When you laugh to my joke,

When you smile when I'm around.

I don't deserve any of that,

no matter how much I long for it.

And sometime I'm too tired of being someone you might like.

It's lonely being the only actor on that stage, you see.

That's when things get the best of me.

Even the mightiest dam will broke eventually.

I'm tired of blaming myself.

I can't blame God. I won't.

So I blame you.

"Why can't you understand?"

"What's with that judging stares?"

"Can't you at least imagine being in my shoes?"

Boy, that broken dam is ugly.

Again, I'm sorry if you don't get me.

I'm twisted and complicated.

I'm just too tired.

I don't need you to love me.

I just need- acceptance.

That's it.

Bangkit Semula Kamu

2011-10-30T19:14:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa makin menjauh dengan orang sekeliling aku.
Kerana ramai teman sudah mengambil jalan yang jauh dari prinsip aku.

Dan aku rasa aku makin menjauh dengan Tuhan.
Kerana aku sudah mengambil jalan yang jauh dari suruh dan tegah Tuhan.

Karma hits you real hard. Real and hard.

Dot and Dust

2011-10-27T17:41:00.004+08:00

I'm just a dot
I'm just a dust

But who are you to judge,
To show me no respect
When you are just
Another tiny speck

Boo-yah!

Tulis

2011-10-25T19:56:00.002+08:00

Aku boleh tulis semahu aku.
Satu ayat.
Satu perenggan.
Satu karangan.
Satu cerpen.
Satu novel sekalipun.

Tapi apalah erti jika sekadar mencari nama dan puja.

Cukuplah sekadar satu kata.
Janji benar terbit dari jiwa.

Rapat

2011-10-24T02:25:00.000+08:00

I never really have a best friend.

Because I don't deserve any.
Because nobody wants to.
Because I annoyed many.
The problem is me, not you

The Feng Yu Effect

2011-10-19T17:59:00.000+08:00

Aku agak ramai dah tengok video kejam seorang budak perempuan kena langgar van, tapi orang lalu-lalang seorang pun tak tolong. Bagi yang tak sanggup nak tengok, here's the chronology of the story:

Video ini dirakam oleh satu CCTV kedai yang dihala ke jalan, di mana Yue Yue (nama budak perempuan tu) dilanggar dengan kejam. Ini bukanlah jalan yang sunyi. Jalan berbumbung. Keadaan dia macam market besar Nilai 3, cuma takde orang jual dekat tgh jalan tu. Keep that in mind: ramai orang dan depan kedai2.

Video bermula dengan seorang budak berjalan ke tengah jalan.

Datang satu van.

Van langgar Yue Yue.

Yue Yue jatuh.

Tayar kanan hadapan van lenyek Yue Yue di perut.

Van brek.

Pemandu tengok Yue Yue guna side mirror.

Yue Yue terbaring masih bernyawa. Antara dua tayar. Bergerak-gerak.

Pemandu teruskan langgar dengan tayar belakang.

Kesan tayar dari darah Yue Yue jelas sepanjang jalan.

Van hilang dari sight.

Yue Yue masih bergerak. Sakit pastinya.

10 saat kemudian, seorang lelaki lalu. Yue Yue betul-betul di laluannya.

Buat-buat tak nampak. terus berjalan.

Satu motor lalu, elak dan pandang Yue Yue dan teruskan.

Seorang lelaki lalu, pandang dari jauh. terus berjalan.

Satu lori lalu, nampak Yue Yue, bagi lampu.

Dan langgar kaki Yue Yue (saat ni aku sebak walau aku tgk banyak kali)

Satu motor lalu.

Satu lagi motor.

Lagi satu.

Semua pandang dan berlalu.

Yue Yue masih hidup, masih ada pergerakan.

Satu motor lalu. berhenti. Dan teruskan.

Penunggang helmet merah lalu, pandang dan terus berlalu.

Seorang bapa dan anak berjalan lalu.

Hanya pandang Yue Yue dan terus berjalan.

Pemandu merah lalu lagi, hanya tengok dan berlalu lagi.

Kemudian seorang auntie pegang guni nampak Yue Yue.

Letak guni dan pergi pada Yue Yue.

Angkat Yue Yue dan letak di tepi jalan.

Auntie nampak bingung, mencari-cari bantuan mungkin.

Kemudian seorang perempuan muda berskirt hitam appear.

Terus meluru pada Yue Yue. Itu ibunya.

Angkat Yue Yue dan hilang dari pandangan CCTV.

Yue Yue dimasukkan ke hospital. Sangat nazak keadaannya. Yue Yue dalam keadaan koma yang kronik. Ahad lepas, Yue Yue hembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir. Segala derita dan ignorance yang dirasa Yue Yue terangkat sudah, tapi bukan untuk kita yang hidup dan waras untuk lupakan. Bagaimana tergamak manusia membiarkan seorang kanak-kanak kecil terlantar begitu selama 10 minit tanpa bantuan?

Fakta kejam yang tiada dalam video:

1- Setelah kenalpasti pemandu van itu, bapanya terus berjumpa dia. And guess what? The first thing yang pemandu van tu buat adalah meminta no akaun ayah Yue Yue. Kejam? Tunggu dulu fakta kedua.

2- Pemandu van itu mengaku, the reason dia langgar Yue Yue buat kali kedua adalah untuk pastikan Yue Yue MATI. Kerana bayaran pampasan kematian is lot less than menanggung yuran perubatan. Good logic, you animal.

3- Auntie yang tolong angkat Yue yue (the most humane that appeared in the video) kata, apabila dia minta bantuan dari orang sekeliling, jawapan yang dia dapat adalah "Mind your own business.."

4- Antara penjelasan kenapa tiada yang membantu adalah "The Feng Yu Effect." Pada tahun 2006, seorang makcik jatuh dan seorang lelaki membantu dia bangun. Tetapi lelaki itu kemudiannya disaman, dan dalam kes tu, makcik tu menang. Cerita lebih detail tentang makcik itu ada di sini. Oh, nama laki tu Feng Yu.

Ada kira-kira lima belas orang yang lalu-lalang dan tidak membantu. It is just out of our right mind. Bila dunia itu terlalu dikejar-kejar, kemanusiaan hilang macam lopak air di tengah panas mentari.

Tapi jangan ingat dekat China je ada manusia kejam. Dekat Malaysia ni, budak tingkatan 4 kelar anak luar nikah yang tak berdosa, kerana tak nak tanggung malu. Kejam tak kejam.

Jika korang di China, dan korang tahu tentang Feng Yu Effect adakah korang akan tolong Yue Yue?

Jujurnya bagi aku, ya. In any way I could. Anda?

p/s: Pemandu van dan lori yang melanggar Yue Yue ditahan dan dihukum.

Awkward

2011-10-18T17:11:00.004+08:00

I love meeting new people.

I love the conversation.

I love knowing them.

I love listening to them.

But more often than once, I met new people that's so awkward to start a conversation with. It's still a conversation, but a lot of timid eyes and strange smiles going.

So far , I can only crack one code of the awkwardness. That is I became really shy in front of kinda high profile and popular people. I see them superior and I'm out of their league. That's one thing I discovered. Weird me eh?

That's one.

But this other one I can't find the reason why. I'm bubbly and all, trying to get the conversation going, but the other person just sorta gave awkward expression? What's up with that?

They still want the conversation to continue (I think), but their facial muscles tweak and turn so weirdly I cannot help but to feel- awkward (please improve your vocab Naja).

So, why?

Do you see me superior?Out of your league? hell to the no lah. I'm not at all popular or anything.

Nak kata hensem sangat sampai diorang segan nak sembang- ni,ni,ni jerawat bersepah.

Nak kata hodoh sangat sampai takut nak sembang- erm... okay, that might be possible...

Please don't be awkward around me. I don't wanna end up talking to a cat for the rest of my life.

P/s: And I did find cats that don't like me. BAD aura I have. kena mandi bunga ni.

Sahabat

2011-10-17T00:29:00.001+08:00

Aku pandang kau tinggi, awan pun dicecah
Sebab itu aku paling pipi
Bila kaubuat perkara sebegitu rendah

Tell me, tell me how I should react

Get

2011-10-14T10:55:00.002+08:00

I don't get why girls love Korean drama so much,
I don't get why boys want to be so buff,
I don't get why guys watch football 3am in the morning,
I don't get how girls find so much money to go shopping,
I don't get fishing,
I certainly don't get F1 racing
I don't get smoking
I don't get modelling
I don't get Tumbler
I don't get Justin Beiber
I don't get cars and engines,
certainly not heavy machines,

But no worries
I don't get myself either

*If any one saw the link to Dream/Inception post; I'm sorry I retracted that post. I'm not sure if it's appropriate for you- or for me. If if you want to read it, just let me know in the comment below. I'll decide whether to re-post then.

Not Yet

2011-10-03T17:48:00.000+08:00

I'm still picking up the pieces. And I crumbled while doing that.

I'm just not good enough for you.

Not yet.

You

2011-09-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

you

complete me

like a key to a padlock

you

warm me up

like a mug of hot choc

you

make me smile
like a sun after a storm

you

say I'm a perfection

when all I am is deformed

you

sound like a song to my ears

when all you do is whisper

you

make me feel okay

turning night into day

you

are my only chance

my only one

yes, you.

Tragedi Raya

2011-09-14T12:30:00.000+08:00

It was a fine day. I met my friends after such a long semester break.
We shake hands, we chat, we laugh together again. In fact, I cannot even bring myself to talk normally because I cannot stop smiling.But...

But who can imagine that this glorious day hold so huge a tragedy. A tragedy no human in their normal state of mind would have anticipate it on the first day stepping back into the varsity. So severe that I find myself hiding inside my locked room, shaking. I'm not going to torture you and myself with vague plots anymore. This, is the story of a TRAGEDY.

So, I got a room just a room away from the room of a friend of mine...

Errr. Ok stop.. Aku pun tak faham aku tulis apa. Senang cakap, bilik aku selang sebilik la dengan kawan aku =P
Sambung. Being away from each other for a good 4 months, drove us to flock into his room (let 's name him Aaron Aziz). I don't know what hantu raya Aaron Aziz used to bela, but his room always have friends come by, unlike my room *nanges*. Aaron Aziz exudes warmth and welcoming aura that came out of nowhere. If our hostel is the route of migratory birds, I'm pretty sure the birds will stay at his room for a night or two.

So, me and a few other friends lepak at his room. Besides us, we got occasional guests (read neighbours) who came in to salam, berkenalan, tanya khabar etc. It was a harmonious time. Raya feeling is still in the air.

After that we went makan-makan, but before went to bed I decided to lepak a bit at Aaron Aziz'z room. While lepak and chat, a neighbour masuk; a senior student (let's name him Rozmey). Like me, Rozmey also was starstruck by Aaron Aziz's warmth. He came into the room like 4 or 5 time already. Noob. So starstruck. Or at least that's what I think of him.

Rozmey then masuk for the last time at 1 am to ask for a glass of water. He then asked things like, "Esok kelas macam mana? Dah start ke?"
Dengan bangga we both answered, "Kelas start petang." We both then chuckled. Chuckle bangga.

That's when the tragedy begin. Right at that moment.

Rozmey: Oh, so takde kelas la ni pagi. Boleh la aku tunjuk something. (Seluk poket. Keluarkan pendrive).

Aaron: Eh apa benda bang? Dah pukul 1 la *sense something fishy*

Aku: (selak buku)*not paying attention*

Rozmey: Sekejap je. (Cucuk pendrive)

Aaron: Laptop takde antivirus ni (bukak pendrive reluctantly)

Aku: *not paying attention*

Rozmey: Nampak tak ni? (turned head to me. pointing laptop)

Aku: Hah? Nampak apa? (x faham. bangkit. approach laptop)

Rozmey: (bukak POWERPOINT.yup. Powerpoint at 1 am for God's sake!)

And that's the moment it occurred to me. Looked at Aaron's face. A face of regret and helplessness. The harmonious moments built up from the morning, crumbled down into tiny debris.

The debris now crushed into dust as Rozmey open his mouth to talk about life and future planning. Politely we listen, gracefully we went through hell. Was he going to lecture us about life? If so,why using powerpoint slides? That is so lame. Only about half an hour later that we were told of his true intention;

He asked us to join MLM!!!

No wonder he's super friendly today. It's not raya mode. It's not reunion mode. It was all business! Aaron may be exuding warmth more than I do. But at that moment, I am pretty sure, we both exuded nervous sweats on our back, trickling down in between our butt-cheeks.

Rozmey kept on talking, despite our sleepy eyes and lack of attention. Our response was weak, slow, and one-syllable (uh/yeah/yup/tak/hmm). My heart rebelled. My mind rioted. It hate you AM-freaking-WAY. If there's something I wanna say about Amway is; go away!

Then Rozmey end his speech and persuasion with, "So,macam mana?"

All me and Aaron can do at 2am was exchanging what-should-we-do-now glances.

Katup

2011-08-24T18:22:00.004+08:00

Kita manusia sentiasa mencipta alasan. Sebab itu Tuhan mengatup mulut kita manusia di Hari Pengadilan.

Biar kaki tangan yang bicara.

Love-Hate

2011-08-13T13:25:00.004+08:00

I love my anak buah, but they're LOUD.
I love my internship, but it's tiring.
I love my laptop, but it's - old.
I love my phone, but it's not a smartphone.
I love my sisters, but they're crazy.
I love my lil sis, but she's gone.
I love my parents, but they're- dramatic.
I love my childhood, but it's bitter.
I love my neighbourhood, but it's a FELDA.
I love my fashion-taste, but my wallet don't.
I love my friends, but do they?
I love my confidence, but I'm a coward.
I love Korean dramas, but the girls love them too much.
I love Inception, but the girls can't understand it.
I love Gaga, but she's too weird.
I love Glee, but it's too liberal.
I love Britney, but she's wasted.
I love Ricky Martin, but he wore silver leggings.
I love Harry Potter, but not the ending.
I love the Oprah Show, but it's over.
I love the Oprah Show, but nu-uh Dr Oz.
I love Sheldon Cooper, but not you Amy Farrah Fowler.
I love to write, but mostly crap,
I love to help, but it's conditional.
I love McD, but it's Israel's.
I love that I'm not fat, but I'm skinny,
I love photography, but I have no camera.
I love arts, but I got no talent.
I love arts, but I need a career.
I love fine-dining, but can I afford it?
I love reality shows, but not you Snooky.
I love to go green, but not people around me.
I love to go green, but do you know how much Prius costs?
I love Sailormoon, but it's girl's anime.
I love son-Goku, but he resurrects everytime he loses.
I love floral-prints, but can I pull it off?
I love being healthy, but I know no sport.
I love to inspire, but I'm uninspired.
I love being friendly, but to start now is awkward.
I love books, but they cost more than a movie ticket.
I love good people, but too afraid to be one.
I love you reading up to this, but now you're annoyed.

I love Adele.

Insan Alam Tuhan

2011-08-01T09:03:00.002+08:00

Aku rasa aku mungkin sudah matang. Cukup matang untuk faham yang aku hidup ini diperhati.
oleh manusia.
oleh alam.
oleh Tuhan.

Manusia memerhati lalu mereka berkata, bercerita, menyebar, menghina.
Baik laku buruk, baik laku elok.

Alam memerhati lalu mereka berdoa, melaknat, bersaksi.
Dibeza laku buruk, laku elok.

Tuhan memerhati lalu Dia mengasihi, menyayangi, merahmati, membalai, mencelakai, menimbangi
Banyak laku buruk; neraka.
Banyak laku elok: syurga.

Jadi untuk berjaya di sini dan di sana, aku rasa cukup jika markahnya 2 out of 3.
Satu markah dari alam.
Satu markah dari Tuhan.
Markah dari manusia tak penting, terlalu bias dalam pemarkahan.
Walaupun nilai markahnya hanya, ya, satu.

Gatai

2011-07-26T16:12:00.003+08:00

Lately I thought about marriage a lot. Not that I'm so gatai meghela nak nikah.Just that there's so many people about my age are now married, or planning to.

If you asked me about marriage 5 years ago, I would go laughing so loud you don't wanna ask me again. But now, I feel like everyone is pushing me into the other dimension of the unthinkable; yes, marriage. Just a few months back, I'm a pengapit to my sister. And this 30 July, a girl friend of mine is inviting people for nasik minyak. Suddenly, I felt like a toddler still playing Legos, when everyone else busy playing Playstation. All the boys are talking about BoboiBoy, and I'm stucked with Usop Sontorian. Semua orang sibuk dengan fixie,aku sibuk dengan skuter kuis kaki...

I felt so left out!!!

And if I lined up my siblings it would be like this:

Not married
Not married
Married
Married
Married
Married
Married
Married
Not married <-----this is me

You see how the list literally translates to " I'm being pushed to the other dimension of the unthinkable : marriage" ?
Do you see how stressful my position is now? Do you? Do you? No you don't. Kerat jari hangpa semua tak kisah.But you know what?It really got me thinking of the possible candidates.Real hard thinking....... And I have none. Yes, thank you for the sympathy look. And the sympathy love. Thanks, but no thanks.

How am I suppose to go through all that, when I can't even manage myself? Basuh baju pun pakai mesin taruk duit. Masak megi pun pakai watercooler. How? Hah, sapa boleh jawab,sapa???

Mak, I'm still the little boy who refused to go to kenduri, waiting you patiently at home for the the bungkus version of nasi minyak, gulai kawah, and jelatah. Then, slowly but delightfully creeping to the table to eat those savoury dishes, with uninterested face still intact. Yes, I'm still your boy who sometime ate the telor rebus with kicap, and sometime just ate the white and discard the yellow.Yes I'm still that little boy Mak. So now tell me how...

And you people, please don't ask me about my two eldest siblings. Maybe they too still washing their clothes with mesin taruk duit. IDK and IDC (that mean I don't know and I don't care, respectively you nosy people)

Dah. bye. end of karutcarut.

Senja

2011-07-02T08:32:00.004+08:00

Senja itu selalu kuning dan merah,
Sekuning jantungku yang kematian detak,
Semerah hatiku yang merembes darah
Sesunyi dada,
habis nafas kencang berombak.

Dan aku melihat warna itu menjingga
Di balik himpunan mega
Serentak itu, kau hadir jelma
Sepasti gelap bayang, sejelas terang sinar

Ketika itu juga,
Saat dan detik itu juga,
Jiwa ini dicucuk sebak
Terbit air di ujung kelopak,

Lalu menari-nari semula memori,
Berdansa kembali dalam arteri,
Bagai semalam terjadi,
Bagai kau ada lagi.

Aku cukup tahu ketentuan Tuhan
Pastinya nyawa dipancung kematian
Dikumpul kembali menghadap ar-Rahman
Berharap jumpa di syurga yang aman.

Aku cukup tahu hakikat itu
Cuma tak tertahan kelatnya rindu
Takut reput menunggu kamu
Di pangkin senja berlatar sendu.

Dan senja itu masih kuning dan merah.

Bulan ini adalah bulan kelahiranmu adik aku, Iwa. 1 Julai 2011. Semoga kau terus aman. Aku akan terus menunggu dan merindu. Al-Fatihah.

Jahat

2011-06-24T16:57:00.001+08:00

Kenapa aku ni jahat sangat
Buat something tak pernah nak beringat
Tak sedar kot kiri kanan ada malaikat
Bukan baik je,salah pun dicatat

Kenapa aku ni jahat gila
Kata mak buat tak dengar je
Kalau kawan semua diikutnya
Sekarang ni syurga tu bawah kaki siapa?

Kenapalah aku ni jahat
Rasa bersalah tapi still nak buat
Dah puas ikut nafsu tau pulak nak bertaubat
Macam mana nanti kalau tak sempat?

Ish jahatnya lah aku
Tak pernah berubah dari dahulu
Sekaranglah berubah apa ditunggu
Nafas di kerongkong baru kau tau

Aku ni jahatkan,kan?
Sudah-sudahlah melawan Tuhan
Tinggalkanlah yang bukan-bukan
Sunnah Nabi tu cuba amalkan

Dulu aku tak jahat macam ni
Cuba kau ingat masa kau kecik
Hati kau bersih, jiwa kau murni
Cubalah ya, you can do it!

Jeritan Senja September- A. Samad Said

2011-06-20T14:59:00.004+08:00

Inilah diharap waktu syahdu amat resah
berfikir tentang diri dan begitu payah
mewajari racun seranah yang menikammu
Kenangan darurat kini berumbi kembali
senja Jumaat menyembur bara reformasi
Ketika khalayak didesak supaya bersepi
ingat, mengalir puisi Rabi’a Balkhi
merangsang kita berdebat ghairah sekali,
menghujahi senja Ahad yang terlalu ngeri
sebelum lebam mata dengan tangan tergari
Sesaat mentari dicalari keaiban berdebu
menggerhanakan bulan yang tersentak malu
Katamu, menghina sungguh peristiwa itu.

Itulah, seingatku, kali terakhir warkah
cemas dicantas-geram dironyok dari atas.
Memang amat dahsyat gelora seminggu itu
ketika dua kemudi menderam ke laut seteru,
ketika tofan juga sempat menyiat puisiku
yang cuba merakam marak bara reformasi,
disamping cuba memahami punca tirani

Didera kemelut liar peristiwa nyilu itu,
sungguh, tak lagi sedamai sufi qalbumu,
aku sendiri pun terasa paling berdosa
menilai perjuangan dengan dacing salah;
wajarlah kita dicabari kejanggalannya.

Tapi, sekerlip berubah gelombang tabii;
ribuan remaja di depanku, generasi berani,
mungkin lambat mengenal inti demokrasi,
tapi cepat menyedari erti maruah diri.
Kerana menghadapi pencabar yang berang,
tangan yang kukuh, taring yang garang,
semenjak itu makin yakin mereka berdiri
dalam ribut, celah petir, sisi puisi;
nyaring menjeritkan: ‘Hidup reformasi!”

Senja iri itu, seganding mereka berjuang;
peluh, air mata dan darah akrab sealiran.
Pencengkam-selautan senjata menggugat;
para demonstran-segelombang teman sehajat,
cekal berikrar untuk tidak mudah tumpas
walau bertalu dihentak tukul yang buas

Tersentak dari deraan pemimpin sendiri,
sesudah gugup dan goyah menghidu tirani,
mereka terimbas kibaran panji iktibar
menyaksi belia yang tak sedikit pun gusar.
Setelah begitu terdera, waraslah mereka
mencari peta kemerdekaan yang lebih sasa,
menjitu ke arah yang membahagiakan pertiwi,
tidak merakus membanjirkan kuasa sendiri.

Tampak mula ramai wira menyembuh lara,
merawat keadilan demi keutuhan bangsa.

21-29 September 1998

Catatan :
Paling jelas puisi ini merakamkan peristiwa panas reformasi, dan aku cuba merakamnya seadil mungkin, tanpa mengira reaksi golongan kiri dan kanan

Pak Samad

Buku : Suara dari dinding dewan

http://rasli.com/jeritan-senja-september-pak-samad/

Friend Phone Facebook

2011-06-16T12:44:00.002+08:00

Dear friend,
It's been a long time since we met,
We promised each other we'll never forget
but lonely is all I ever get,
Since the last time that we met.

Dear friend
The day that we last met,
We were so damn scared,
that we'll lose one another,
that this would be forever,

But then we got each others phone numbers,
I called you, you called me, we talked for hours,
it was so relieving to mock and joke again,
then phone stops ringing, all i hear is silence.

Then, ah the invention of Facebook,
Your name on the white blue page got me so hooked,
I moved the pointer to the "Add as friend" button,
I clicked and waited, the screen I can't abandon

My heart stopped and fluttered of overjoy,
When the chatbox popped and you say "Hoi!"
But you know how life and it's cycles so mean,
we both got busy and never turn on the screen!

So, now I'm between strangers in a crowded train,
Scrolling down my phonebook when I saw your name,
Hesitate,dialing,waiting you pick up the phone,
The monotone now female machine, and I know I'm alone.

Parrot

2011-06-14T16:35:00.002+08:00

Sometime in life, we did mistakes.
Mistakes that then we would regret.
But somehow, in some weird way.
We forget that we ever regret it.
Then we do it again.
And regret it. and do it again.

I'm no better than a talking parrot.
Talked and talked as if I'm happy,
but long for the cage to be opened

Differ

2011-06-02T14:38:00.002+08:00

The difference between men and women...

Men: No matter how ugly they are, a woman will find the ugliness a beautiful thing.

Women: No matter how ugly they are, all men can find one beautiful thing about them.

Don't you think?

Short

2011-06-01T17:11:00.001+08:00

sometime i just want to write a words or two
because we human never listen
some of us do try
without knowing they will fail

so i just want to write short
not that anybody would care
not that anybody would read
i'm just another scribble
carved by a stick on the sand
waiting to be washed
by unforgiving tide

Kids

2011-05-28T13:44:00.006+08:00

Kids sure can be cute.
and cuddly.
and adorable.

But one thing we hate to admit, but we have to admit;

THEY ARE ANNOYING

Last night, I'm in a car with two toddlers. Nephew and niece. But the niece is boyish, she might as well be a nephew. Heh.
They shouted, "Yayy!" everytime our car potong any other cars and lorries.
I super-hated the shouts because they were not synchronized, loud, high-pitched, and repeating. No sign of stopping at all.
My brother drove his car fast. So you can add 'continuous' to the "Why I Super-hate" list.

No, don't get me wrong. I love kids. If only they're not annoying.

Head still pening now.

Note: Do I look like a child abuser now? LOL. Definitely cross out pedophile eh =D

p/s: I love kids

Sewel

2011-05-19T16:16:00.002+08:00

All I need is one dear person
That can pat my back and say, "It's alright."
Yes, all I need is only one person,
That's just enough to make me satisfied

But this ain't kindergarten no more
It's not about toys and dinosaurs anymore
We're not mere toddlers in a box of sand,
We can't fight and easily be friends again,
I can't take your plastic truck and then say I'm sorry,
The littlest things seem now so huge and heavy.

When half your life you're hurt and betrayed,
You spend another half insecure and afraid,
It's impossible to find a best friend forever,
When you can't even put a hand on one's shoulder,

You got hundreds and thousands of Facebook friends,
But once you log out you're alone again,
If being in a same class or school is all it requires,
Then a teacher is my friend and so do the cleaners.

"But it's all right now," say me to myself,
Though there's no pat cause my hand can't reach my back,
Let's just start over at a new place,
A place called 'tempat internship'- lah =D

Ceh!

2011-05-16T17:31:00.003+08:00

Exam was over, and the holiday is now!!! Yayyyy!
But... not so much of yippee yay yay, because 10 hellish weeks of internship will be unleashed so very soon. Internship. Sigh. Indemnity (read damn) letter, log book, rumah sewa, work hard yadayadayada..what evs.
I'm just going to enjoy this 2 weeks gap, and never care about all those tiny minute puny unimportant internship. i think that's why it got so many names - latihan industri lah, practical lah, intern lah. konon bajet penting lah kot. ah membebel plak. neves lah tu nak LI.

Enough. enough of this nauseating LI thingy discussion. I'm going to tell you a story instead. A story of how one TV show POed me. You got excited already right? Right? Okay tak shut up naja.
So here it goes...

I got on a bus to go back to my lovely hometown with Mak. It was a work day so nobody can send us home by car. So we hop on the bus like at 11 a.m. from Shah Alam. And nerve wrecking i should say- the bus stopped at Pekeliling for an hour ++ Whatta??? Nak kutip passenger lah tu. Ish.

Luckily the bus got a TV, which was turned on.I dunno bout you,but I just don't get it- why some,no,many buses just leave the tube turned off. interior design probably? Blergh...
Lucky it was on, but malang too because it was Wanita Hari Ini. I know it's informative but...two women with mekap tebal sitting on the couch talking bout beauty products? plain boring. No offense WHI lovers out there. Dah lah dulu dia punye host Ifa Raziah. Ifa Raziah people. come on. Tak seswai. macam gossip show plak. Maybe nak minimize the boring-ness. it's not working Dato' Farid Ridzuan.

But since the view outside never change much since I was a kid, I miraculously watched the tv, the WHI. Bravo.

1st segment- they talk about eczema, a skin problem which one guy on the show said that it can be cured using goat's milk. Katanya dengan kuasa Tuhan insyaAllah boleh sembuh eczema dgn susu kambing. Ok. Ahli panel macam boleh pakai. macam alim. macam sunnah nabi je. LoveWHI-o-meter naik separuh.

2nd segment- they talk about madu tualang, how it is rare and very good for health. Tunjuk lah orang panjat pokok segala. Ok. macam ada kaitan dengan segmen 1st. Dalam quran kan kata madu boleh jadi penawar. Hmm...Ok. bagus gak WHI ni. LoveWHI-o-meter hampir penuh. Terbayang-bayang sungai madu, sungai susu kat syurga. Rasa macam alim habis lah aku. By now, the bus was already at uphill battle dgn bukit genting.

3rd segment- It's about some famous baju dalam anniversary. Siap dgn video runway kat KL. What? baju dalam?!! How can I relate that with segment 1 and 2. How on earth,or should I say how in Hell can I relate those three? Gladly, Mak already fast asleep. Or it's going to be awkwaaaaard. LoveWHI-o-meter jatuh exponentially. Ada plak tu runway show camtu kat Malaysia. Bakor kang. But how understanding our God is- the TV gone out of signal almost immediately. Maybe the reception was poor because of the terrain n hills, but still it's not a mere coincidence aight?hehe

Boo sama WHI.boring and porn. Ceh! Baik tgk Spongebob. at least Sandy the Squirrel tutup urat pakai astronaut outfit.

p/s: I really did enjoy the short holiday: Went to beaches 5 times already. Gahahaha

'Death'saru

2011-05-08T02:01:00.004+08:00

Lokasi- Petronas Desaru
Situation- Stop to refuel the car on the way back from a short vacation/ BBQ at Desaru public beach.

Driver: Weh Naja, isikan minyak eh? (then off he went pergi bayar dekat kaunter)

Aku: (talking to a friend at the back seat of the car) Weh ko isikan la weh...

Friend: Lah, isik la...

Aku: Tak reti r....isi minyak dalam motor pun melimpah... *dumb expression*

Friend: *scoff* Alah, tank besar ni. Tak tumpah punya...

Courage gained.
Walk to the back of car, turn the cover open.
Pull the pump nozzle from the huge white box (which i presumed connected to the core of the earth, extracting pressurized liquidized dinasours, miles below).
Put the nozzle in.
Click. The digital figures didn't change.
Click click. Nozzle bergegar sikit. *phew*
Pump it Naja. Go Naja go.

Aku: (calmed down, joking around with Friend) Kalau handset aku berbunyi ni, habis aku.meletup.*sheepish smile*

Friend: Haha.

At that same freakin' moment, I felt a vibration on my right pocket, then a wiki-wiki woosh sound coming from it, indicating somebody had the intention of blowing me up with a mere call/SMS.

Aku: Weh, handset aku bunyik *nervous*

Friend: Huh???! Betul ke? (either he is as afraid as I am, or he just can't believe the coincidence of me predicting the time of death)

Aku: Ha'ah (spontaneously angled my right leg away from the combustible fuel ) *still nervous*

Friend: Betul-betul ke???

Aku: Ha'ah (ok stop freaking me out, what is your intention? double-freaking me out? LOL)

Luckily, nothing blew up, no one dead, and my driver friend return to the car unknowingly, his mission of getting an RM20 worth fuel worked just fine.

note: what happened was I received an SMS, berbunyi begini:-

"Raye 2011 - tema hijau"

It's from my sis. It's quite ironic if you think of the situation like this:

If the SMS caused the car to blow up, then I'll be dead for sure.
If I'm dead for sure, there's a 100% chance that I cannot celebrate this year's Raya (glamorized as Raye 2011)
If I cannot celebrate Raya, what's the point of telling me the tema of the Raya (hijau)? make me green with envy inside the coffin? ( a coffin which may contain only bits and pieces of what's left of me as a result of a complete combustion of RON95 fuel)

note: half way writing this down, I stucked and Googled the terms for pumping fuel into car, proving I'm born stupid at this.

Boleh

2011-04-25T11:39:00.000+08:00

mungkin tak perlu mustahil dan ajaib
mungkin tak perlu tenaga dan duit
mungkin yang perlu adalah
seorang untuk beritahu
yang kita boleh
yang kita mampu
seorang untuk beritahu
kita layak dicintaNya
kita layak disyafaat Baginda
selagi kita ada usaha dan pegang kuat percaya

Alam

2011-04-24T15:21:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang

Kuat sangat kita berpegang

Pada dunia dan orang

Bagai itu semua takkan hilang

Padahal sudah banyak tak terbilang

Diseksa didera berulang

Dek rasa sendiri dan seorang

Sungguh tidak adil Tuhan

Jika tak dicipta alam kemudian

Kerana alam yang ini terlalu kejam

Diharung saja siang dan malam

p/s: Hanya satu saja sebab dunia ini tak pernah memuaskan. kerana ini bukan dunia yang sebenarnya, ini dunia sementara

p/s2: Kalau anda orang Terengganu, mesti poem di atas (poem ke?) macam rhyme gila kan? Haha

Jumaat

2011-04-22T14:47:00.000+08:00

Foto

2011-04-20T19:45:00.003+08:00

Bagai sekeping foto

Dipenjara atas kertas glossy

Dilenyek menjadi dua dimensi

Digari pada dua paksi

Ditambat pada Y and X

Dipaksa melupa paksi Z

Mouth

2011-04-19T17:29:00.002+08:00

Do you know when you should fend for yourself?

Do you know when to just shut up and accept?

If you have a foolproof plan/equation/device to know that,

Please, tell me

Tiga

2011-04-13T17:57:00.003+08:00

Bagaimana aku boleh begini?

Hidup sendiri berteman sepi

Ada malam yang terlalu sunyi

Aku meringkuk seorang- mengharap siang

Kenapa tiada lagi manusia

yang bisa kukongsi setiap helai rahsia

Yang bisaku aku gelar teman

yang bisa kurangkul tanpa segan

Kenapa Kaucipta dunia kejam begini

Kenapa Kautakdir aku sendiri

Kenapa Kaujarak teman yang dulu

Kenapa Kautinggal aku mendebu

Biar aku ditimbus bawah abuk dan debu

biar aku diselirat binatang dan sawang

Biar aku retak dan serpih

Biar aku ditenggek najis dan tulang

Ini tiga tahun yang pilu

Tidak sedar lama berlalu

Ini tiga tahun yang jerih

Mengumpul pedih menuai sedih

Take

2011-04-10T07:59:00.003+08:00

Waktu aku 1st year dulu, aku rasa lecturer yang paling aku minat ialah Lecturer English, Miss Santy (ke Shanty eh? lupa). She's Indian I thing.

Bukan aku minat dia sebab dia perempuan. No.

Bukan sebab aku minat English.

Bukan jugak sebab dia lawa. Boleh la tahan =p

Aku minat dia sebab dia sempoi. Walaupun kelas kena buat waktu malam, kena menapak 400m ++ , but still aku semangat nak pergi. Padahal, English yang dia ajar quite boring actually, bukan macam kat sekolah punya English. Yet, dia sempoi sampai aku suka. She is one of the rare woman with sense of humour, which without having to be manly, which doesn't matter anyway *then why did i type this down?*

One thing I remember most about her must be her signature quote: "Don't take it to your heart." She always said this when she joked, which for some odd reason some people find her jokes offensive. Maybe when she told the jokes, she saw some frowning faces of my classmates. I don't see frowning faces, because I was too busy watching her face =D

Back to her quote, don't take it to your heart. I really love this one, because there's no point of bermuka ketat, serious segala right? Kenapa nak buat dalam tertekan, kalau dalam keadaan enjoy pun boleh jadi, betul tak? betul tak? *gedik

Kadang-kadang aku pun pernah rasa offended, but this quote somehow manage to cool me down. Thanks Miss Santy!

So there's one time I talk about things, and the person I'm talking to felt so offended, I felt offended. Somehow, some really odd ways, the person think I am attacking that one person with my words *bunyik pedang*

I was like, "Whattt?"

Hey, don't take it to your heart, it will just eat your heart dear.

p/s: There wa sanother quote from another lecturer, when I was in matrik. It goes, " Kalau orang tu tak boleh terima kamu melawak dengan dia, orang tu bukan lagi kawan kamu." His mom told him.

Don'ttake it to your heart! =D

I'm Dead

2011-04-09T14:29:00.005+08:00

Everybody: Hey Naja, isn't it a little bit to late to do your PSM? Submission date is next week rite?

Naja: Shut up.

p/s: the text behind the Robot is the actual of my PSM.I know. Boring.

Karej

2011-04-08T14:46:00.003+08:00

It took courage for people to say things.
How good it is.
How bad it is.
So, before you shoot down everybody's dreams and hope,
Think of their courage, to do it.

So, the next time you say things like,

"Bob Lokman tu lain macam aku tengok. Ada ke dia join itu ini... Tak suka melawak dah..."

or

"Cakap macam dia perfect je."

or

"Engkau pun sama, nak cakap macam-macam pulak"

or

"Eleh, tak kemana la bisnes ko tu"

At least Bob Lokman have some sense to do something better. When he did that, he lost his main source of income mind you.
At least some people have the guts to say things right or wrong.
At least some people work their ass off than taking the easier way, like minta sedekah or taking their own life.

So, don't be some negative, unrealistic thinker. Open your mind wide.

p/s: I really hate when some people understand open-minded as not minding other people's doing and say. That's ignorant FYI.
p/s2: sorry for the cheezy title.

Double Hypocrisy

2011-04-05T21:17:00.003+08:00

Really, I'm perfectly fine when people have two or three different personalities. Some people would say that's hypocrite.So what? But 2 / 3 personaliti? Macam mana tu???

Ok contoh:

Datuk T bila dengan kawan-kawan serumah dia bukan main bising lagi. Gelak berdekah-dekah. Melawak sakan. Itu personaliti 1 - dengan kawan-kawan.

Tapi bila dalam kelas, Datuk T senyap je. Nampak innocent je. Lecturer tanya soalan pun bukan main payah nak bukak suara (ok thats not really innocent eh? hoho). Girls langsung tak tau yang Datuk T ni pak lawak/mamat kepoh. Itu personaliti 2 - dengan girls.

Datuk T bila jumpa orang baru, jangan haraplah nak dengar dia tegur dulu atau senyum. Tapi,once dah kenal, orang sampai malas nak tegur, takut kena sembang dengan Datuk T 2-3 jam tepi jalan. Itu personaliti 3- dengan strangers.

So, this ain't wrong right? If you call this hypocrisy, you seriously have something wrong with your life. Takkan lah nak bersembang tepuk tampar dengan brader kaunter tiket bas macam buat dekat kawan-kawan right? That's way more worse than hypocrisy- it's crazy!

So why do I talk about this right now? It's not because somebody,someone,some random ticket counter guy came at me this morning and shove down my throat," You're hypocrite!"

No. that's not what happened.

What happened was somebody did something that quite similar to this false hypocrisy we discussed: double standard.

This one person when in front of those sweet little girls or a man friend that's quite fofular- he would go:

~owh okay, all right, cute gestures and smiling ear to ear, touchy touchy~~ *puke*

Tapi bila dengan aku:

~ah, apasal plak, ko buat sendiri ah, ko ar, malas ah, don't touch me~~ *cursing*

So, did he being multiple personalities, or being double standard?

Ding3! You're correct! That's totally double standardizing!

Kalau korang pernah kena double standard macam saye, ce angkat tangan macam saye ni *tangan godek-godek*

P/S: The Datuk T mentioned above did not refer to any living creatures.

P/S2: You don't have to go through my schedule today, just to know whether you're the one mentioned above- you are not. Nak terasa jugak, go rot. I don't care. LOL.

Wonder

2011-03-18T21:04:00.007+08:00

Just a quickie.
As a student who studies chemical, I'm thinking of how powerful God is when He sent destruction to Japan.

Solid: He shook the Japan's land at 8.9 richter
Liquid: He washed Japan's shore with tsunami
Gas: He's giving more test to the Japanese by radiation in the air they breathe

Yup, all three phases.
God Almighty. We are just a worthless pigments in the universe so vast.

Pray to God, for Japan.

Pulang

2011-03-16T05:53:00.002+08:00

Terlalu lama rasanya aku melupakanmu
Kutinggalkan kamu tanpa sedikit sesal
Tapi tetap kauhadir jua dalam hidupku
Menawar kasih dan cinta yang kekal

Tapi ku angkuh
Kutolak jauh
Cintamu yang sungguh
-
-
-
-
-
Lalu kukeluh

Tiada lagi kelibat kasih darimu
Tiada lagi pengisi masa dukaku
Tiada lagi sang pemberi teduh
-
-
-
-
-
Laluku keluh

Tak keruan tiada tujuan
Tiada panduan ke mana berjalan
Hilang jejak waktu
Melangkah seribu batu
Mencari cinta darimu
-
-
-
-
-
Tuhan, aku rindu kamu!

Jauh

2011-03-15T08:13:00.004+08:00

Semalam satu mesej sampai dari bumi Madinah ke handphone aku di bumi Malaysia. Emak mesej. Katanya...

"Aja, ari ni mak bertolak ke Mekah dari Madinah.
Cuaca kat sini sejuk, kulit jadi kering.
Doakan moga kami sihat-sihat saja
dlm keadaan cuaca sejuk begini,
yang terpaksa pakai baju tebal siang malam ni.
Belajar elok-elok, kat Raudah di Madinah ni
Mak dah mendoakan kejayaan Aja dlm mengejar cita-cita.
Moga Allah kabulkan."

The first thing that popped into my head was the picture of Emak shivering in that cold weather. She's thin and old. I can say that she's a sejuk-phobic, anti-sejuk, warmth-seeking, cold-despising mother =p
She can't even take the coldness of kampong nights, what else a constant weather like that. Hope she's doing okay. She has to because I need that kurma, air zam-zam and kopiah murah =p

*jerit* Emak, happy beribadah di Tanah Mekah!!!

p/s: Nasib baik cita-cita aku bukan jadi penyanyi =D

p/s2: Don't you ever dare laugh or even use my nama manja [which is sweet, I know]. Aja is exclusive for Emak only, you got that? Kalau gelak gak, aku soh mak aku doakan korang cirit-birit. Doa kat sana makbul tau... =p

Bala: Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

2011-03-12T09:33:00.004+08:00

bila earthquake: lari ke ground floor
bila tsunami: lari ke top floor
that's all us human can do

evacuate guna landasan keretapi

more at http://www.boingboing.net/2011/03/11/from-the-sky-aerial.html

Kejar!!!

2011-03-10T18:51:00.004+08:00

Kalaulah aku cepat sikit je, taklah kena tinggal dek bas W** 4893... Yes, I even can read the nombor pendaftaran of that bus. I was that close of catching and getting into the bus.

Begini ceritanya; Aku set alarm phone untuk berbunyi pukul 3:45 petang supaya aku sempat bersiap beg dan naik bas ke Shah Alam pukul 4:30 petang.

Took an evening nap.
-
Few sweet dreams.
-
Woke up.
-
Look at the time.
-
-
-
-
-
"Crap, it's 4:43 petang!"

Reached my phone, frantically called my friend for help. They went freaked out [more than I did]...Few nervous laughs, then I heard another friend's voice at the background, "Aku hantar, aku hantar..."
And it's raining outside [now that's why I overslept! ]

Grabbed any grab-able clothes, shoved them hard into a bag-pack and made my way to the door. Urgh! the computer! Masuk balik, tutup main switch. There's no time for proper shut down. Damaging the CPU and whatnot, who cares...

Got on the motorcycle, he sped like he's the one who need to be on the bus. I was praying for my life the whole time, it's raining for God's sake! [thank you for that Zizan. Terharu kot! Thank you]
Cilok here and there, I said to myself..

I'm not gonna make it in time.
-
I am so not gonna make it.

Arrived at the ticket counter (after waiting in line for two minutes), with no hope at all I asked,

"Kak, bas ke Klang ni dah jalan belum?"

"Tunggu kat bawah jejantas tu. Eh, awak ni lambat ke??? Cepat pergi!"

Tengok balik kat tiket: 4:45 petang. What the hell? I thought it was 4:30 petang! There's hope! So, gracefully I walked to the jejantas 50m away (selipar dah haus gila,kang lari,jatuh, malu). Gracefully.

Then, there it was, the bus, already giving a signal to enter the highway, and it was a stone's throw away. Aku pun tanpa menghirau malu, melambai macam orang gila dekat bas tu. You can already guess the rest of the story: It didn't stop. It took off like I wasn't even there. People set their eyes on me, a pity look maybe. Segannyewwwww... And the rain added some extra drama to it. Wet, embarrassed and dissapointed- it can't get any more depressing.

So, now I'm waiting for 9 malam to come for the next bus. Damn, I can eat for 3 days+ for that wasted money. And looking back, I don't know which part should I regret most:

1- The part where I took a nap

2- The part that I set the alarm at 3:45 pagi. Yes not petang,Pagi. [Demmit who created 12/24 hours system, I'm confused!]

3- the part that I lose hope. Betullah ustaz aku cakap, setiap perkataan tu doa. Kan dah really not make it.

4- the part that I went to the counter first. Nasib baik kakak tu muka jernih.

5- the part that I used a selipar haus. Gracefully Naja. Gracefully.

It's 7:54 malam now. Yes, I've double-checked.Malam. Aku kena alert dan sekarang aku ada masa untuk kemas beg properly.

And you don't have to remind me, I know:

Naja
You.Better.Not.Sleep.

p/s: Thanks to all my friends who had been so concern. walaupun gagal misi mengejar bas, still, THANK YOU.

Hanky

2011-03-08T22:47:00.004+08:00

I watched a Korean drama. A girl read a poem about encounters/friendship. She said her favourite part is this...

Good encounter is like a handkerchief,
When you're tired it wipe your sweat,
Then it wipe your tears when you're sad.

Now that's a reason to love Korean drama.

p/s: baru-baru ni ada kawan laki annoyed tengok ramai kawan perempuan letak gambar korean actor/singer sebagai profile picture di Facebook. When I heard that, I have this "me too!" feeling. =p
p/s2: me too means i am annoyed too, not i use Koreans as my profile pic ok. LOL

Siapa?

2011-03-01T17:19:00.004+08:00

Tadi kau baru saja berbuat dosa. Menyumpah seranah mungkin, atau meninggalkan solat. Mungkin mengumpat mencela, atau memandang/membuka aurat manusia. Kemudian tidak berapa ketika kemudian, kamu duduk makan di restoran, kafeteria, atau warung. Diberi kamu rezeki, peluang dari Tuhan menjamah makanan.

Sedang baru tadi kamu mengingkar perintahNya. Melakukan larangNya. Menambah murkaNya. Tapi Dia masih melimpah kasih, walau dalam waktu ketika kita ini berdosa. Masih belum bertaubat, memohon ampun. Atau mungkin belum berfikir bercanang meminta taubat pun. Masih dia memberi kamu peluang.

Sekarang siapa yang menzalimi diri, kita atau Tuhan?

Dan mungkin ada juga antara kita yang sambil sedang enak menjamah makanan di restoran, kafeteria, atau warung; masih lagi menyumpah seranah,meninggal solat, mengumpat mencela, memandang/membuka aurat manusia. Berdosa kita dalam kita diberi nikmtnya...

Sekarang siapa yang menzalimi diri, kita atau Tuhan?

p/s: Jawapan aku? Kita. Nanti dibakar seksa neraka adalah kita, sedang tak terjejas bahkan sedikitpun zat Tuhan.

Nano

2011-03-01T00:07:00.004+08:00

Lihat ke arah sana
Serakan warna dan berarakan
Awan
Pabila terik panas
Segera hadirnya memayungi diri

Pabila kau dahaga
Sesegera turun hujan melimpahkan kasihnya
Pabila kau katakan
Akulah awan itu yang kau mahu

Begitulah awan nano
Setia melindungi diri
Tika panas mencuba menggores pipi
Dan bibirmu

Begitulah awan nano
Sering saja tak terduga hadir
Dan tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Kasihnya
Kasih tiada banding
Setia tiada tara
Bagaimanapun jua

Awan kekasih sebenarmu sayang
Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Lihat diriku ini
Yang sesekali pernah kau bagaikan awan
Sehingga tak mungkin terlupa
Berikan belas sedari dulu

Sehingga tak mungkin termampu saksi
Setitis pun air matamu kasihku
Sehingga kau katakan
Akulah awan itu yang kau rindu

Akulah awanmu yang sedia
Melindungi dirimu tika panas mencuba menggores pipi
Dan bibirmu

Akulah awanmu yang sering kau rindu
Dan tak terduga hadirmu walau tak tercapai jejarimu

Kasihku
Kasih tiada banding setia tiada tara
Bagaimanapun jua
Aku pelindung dirimu sayang
Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Begitulah awan nano
Setia melindungi diri tika panas mencuba menggores pipi
Dan bibirmu

Begitulah awan nano
Sering saja tak terduga hadir
Dan tak akan tercapai jejarimu

Kasihku
Kasih tiada banding setia tiada tara
Bagaimanapun jua
Aku pelindung dirimu sayang
Walaupun tak akan tercapai jejarimu

never like Hafiz ( I even hate him), but this song just clicked, dunno why...

p/s: teringat kisah nabi pergi niaga, dilindung awan bila mula-mula dengar awan nano ni. with few adjustments, this would be a really great nasyid eh? =p

Hey!

2011-02-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

Bukan aku mintak banyak. Just treat me more like human, please? Kadang-kadang terbatuk, tersedak, tersentak dengan perangai ragam manusia keliling. Ambil keputusan sampai menekan sendiri punya kawan. Tak sengaja aku terima, tapi sebelum tak sengaja cubalah letakkan diri dalam situasi orang lain. Put yourselves in others shoes.

Ini tidak, sengaja mencari pasal, cari hal. In the end, both parties rugi. Bukan baru duduk kat dunia ni. Dah boleh fikir baik buruk, kalau tak pada orang lain, fikir baik buruk pada diri. Betul aku buat silap jugak. But then, that's the purpose of telling this, right? Because one of us tak perasan dah menyusahkan orang. And I'm expecting the same teguran, how ever I hate it, you have the job to tell me- like what I'm doing now. You can say I'm kecoh, but this kind of thing; I just can't tolerate.

Back to the problem- I just don't know. Maybe you are super busy. Hell, I'm no superman too... If you want things done today, tell earlier than today. You got sooooo many ways to tell me. facebook, SMS, call me, email me....loads. So, I'm sorry for being prejudice. I've been so many times oppressed before- so it's only natural I reacted the way I reacted when I see those devilish smiles.

Just, please don't do this again.

ps: too many 'just' eh?

Kalau begini

2011-02-23T12:16:00.003+08:00

Kalau beginilah caranya
melupakanMu ketika senang,
meninggalkanMu ketika suka,
mengingkariMu ketika bahagia,
patut aku dirundung sahaja susah,
patut aku dilanda lagi duka,
patut aku ditekan dengan sengsara

Cepat benar mendustaiMu,
sedang enak menghirup nikmat,
cuma sesaat terpaling dariMu
hilang sesat dalam maksiat

Kalau beginilah caranya
diberi ruang diisi derhaka
diberi peluang diisi dosa
patut aku dihukum setimpalnya
patut aku diseksa dicerca

Kemudian baru akan kusedari
yang nikmat itu hanya seketika
petanda dunia juga tak kekal lama
kenapa disia bukan padaNya

Penciptaku
campakkan kembali percayaku padaMu
lemparkan lagi iman dan hidayahMu
kerana hati ini kembali rindu dengan cintaMu
tak tertahan lagi didusta janji makhlukmu

Penciptaku
Ingatkan aku
Sedarkan aku
Kuatkan aku
Jangan lagi berulang
Jangan lagi terselang
Dosa - pahala
Taubat - derhaka

- mungkin aku harus cepat berpuasa sunat, bila dunia terlalu nikmat, iman di hati tiada terlekat
-mungkin aku harus diam sahaja, kerana banyak berkata banyak ketawa, jiwa teralpa terlupa padaNya
-mungkin harusku sentiasa tahajjud, mengira tasbih berulang sujud, menangis merintih doa dilanjut

Sempit

2011-02-22T18:17:00.002+08:00

Minggu lepas sampai sesak dada mengurus penginapan
Minggu lepas juga akhirnya hilang penat kepala bila berjalan
Minggu ini datang semula sempitnya masa
Bersilih ganti, memang benar janji Yang Esa

Minggu lepas-lepas memegang beban tugas
Entah terpikul kerja,entah banyak yang terlepas,
Tapi tubuh ini meredah juga,
Takut yang ditanggung rasa teraniaya.

Sampai ke kota terbebaslah keluh
Memerhati dunia berpeluh tubuh
Beban yang ditanggung terus dilupa
Rungut dan jerit menjadi ketawa

Tapi dunia ini sedikit suka
Kerana dunia sekadar cuma
Yang banyak ada hanyalah duka
Kembali semula ujian Dia

[ dua hari bersama rakan sekampus,dua hari bersama teman sekolah, lalu sakit hilang hapus, tinggal cahaya,sinar, dan cerah ]

ps: I'm really bad at being the person in charge. good experience, but once is enough. Sorry for being so untrustworthy. Gomenasai. Sumimasen. Tuipuci. Sorry.

Aku Cinta Kamu

2011-02-15T03:13:00.005+08:00

Jika diberi mencinta manusia
Hanya engkau yang kupilih
Rautmu sempurna
Tingkahmu terjaga

Antara teman kamu tercantik
Antara manusia kamu terbaik
Langkahmu teratur
Yang elok ditutur

Wajahmu bercahaya suci
Di gelap malam bagai purnama
Di terbit siang bagai mentari
Bersih putih tiada tercela

Tapi itu sekadar kudengari
Dari bisik dan hingar sang perawi
Yang turut mencintamu sepenuh hati
Kaulah rasulku, kaulah nabi

Kukenali mu hanya dari tulisan-tulisan
Rumi dan jawi
Yang tercoret rapi

Kudekati mu hanya dari cerita-cerita
Suka dan duka
Dari bibir guru dan ayah

Sungguh cinta ini lain benar!

[malu aku mengucap sayang, pada manusia paling terbilang,kerna tak terikut sunnah, jauh dari caramu Ya Rasulullah]

Diam

2011-02-14T06:55:00.003+08:00

Berkata banyak itu tanda orang bodoh,
Atau tidak bercakap itu tanda orang sombong?

Ketawa itu penawar hati,
Atau ketawa itu menggelap hati?

Kenapa percaya budaya bangsa dan kata dari Barat sana, bila Nabi berkata (lebih kurang maksud):

"Hendaklah kamu sedikit ketawa dan banyak menangis..."

" Sesiapa yang banyak bercakap banyaklah kesalahannya, sesiapa yang banyak kesalahannya banyaklah dosanya dan siapa yang banyak dosanya, api nerakalah paling layak untuk dirinya...”

[Lama blog ini diam kerana sibuk]

A Short Holiday Cut Short

2011-02-04T22:35:00.009+08:00

Here's my advice if you want to spend a short holiday on a vacation: Go somewhere near.

Here's why I said that: I went somewhere FAR.

Here's why, exactly:

For a 7 days holiday, I spent most of the time on road, in the car, in order to go to places. The holiday started as early as 10 a.m last Saturday (yeah right, early) from my varsity. The journey to Negri Sembilan took a staggering 3 hours++ (including sesat, tanya arah & stuff). Ah, senang cerita buat dalam bentuk pointlah.

Sabtu

10a.m - 1p.m: Journey to Negri by PLUS Highway. And thanks to the driving skill of my friend and his guts to take over a blue Kelisa full of aweks, we could have took a lot more time to arrive.
1p.m - 2p.m: Destinasi bajet- makan dekat kenduri kahwin senior area Senawang. Tips? Muka kena tebal. Ah, and a map. Sesat kot.Tapi memang save-lah bajet. I love kenduri kahwin.
2p.m - 4p.m: Journey to Jempol through Kuala Pilah crossing Seremban. What should be a one hour ++ trip was dragged to two damn slow hours. Thanks to a kenduri kahwin blocking the main road, causing the longest traffic jam I ever encountered. Rasa macam beratur nak beli tiket konsert Bieber pulak. I hate kenduri kahwin.
4p.m onwards: Sampai dan rehat. Yeah, the traffic jam was that severe.

Ahad

11a.m - 1p.m: Journey to Pedas Wetworld & Hot Spring. Vaca to Jeram Toi (the main plan actually) was cancelled due to the heavy rain. And thanks to the heavy rain, we arrived exactly late at the place. And please don't start questioning of what kind of people went to a water theme park on rainy days. I felt bad already.
1p.m - 4p.m: The slides was a total boo and eww but the hot spring was AWESOMENESS y'all!! Woohoo!!! Tips? Beranikan diri masuk dalam air panas. But not having balls to jump into the pool is a bonus; if you know what I mean.
4p.m - 6p.m: Destination- Jusco Seremban. Lost half an hour searching a space to park the car. So darn unlucky we were (T-T). Manage to buy two t-shirts and ended the crave for Big Apple doughnuts though *sigh of relief*
6p.m - 8p.m: Journey to Jempol (hey that rhymed!) No inconsiderate kenduri kahwin now, just real heavy rain. Some places started to flood. What then a road, now a long island.

Lesson learnt:
Day 1- Kelajuan membunuh. So does kelambatan. Still hating that kenduri kahwin *inaudible cursing*
Day 2- Fail to plan = plan to fail. Lihat kalendar dan weather forecast. Biar tilik cuaca jangan tilik nasib.

ps: all in all, it was an awesome vaca guys! Thanks. Ouh, the Seremban - Jempol scenery was breathtakingly beautiful y'all! Subhanallah =D

ps2: last Wednesday, my family and I went to Port Dickson. Tahun Molawat Nogori Sombilan much? lol

ps3: Deep condolence to people affected by the flood. Flood water deep I suppose? =p But seriously, kesian diorang.

Mesir

2011-02-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

Perit sinar matahari Mesir
Menyejat kering darah yang semalam
Menitik,melimpah, mengalir, tertumpah
Kau saksi sang kejam yang pejam

Bunyi yang dulu pasir berdesir
Digema letupan dipikuk tembakan
Cahaya yang dulu putih
Ditapis asap berbau belerang

Sudah
Turun dari singgahsanamu
Manusia ini sudah menyanggah
Bumi ini menyeranahmu

Kau menghimpit, mereka menjerit, kami tersepit

p/s: tanah kita tak mahu berdarah, tapi kalau kita terus dihelah...

Zulfadhli Azlan

2011-01-31T07:51:00.003+08:00

Kau okay tak kat sana?
I was freaking out when I know how serious things in Egypt now.
Gunshots, raping, burglaries, prison-breaks...
Gila kot.Gila.
Better be okay Zul
Just pack your bags and go home already [credit to Tyra]

Serious, aku cuak ni. Balik, now.

Hujan Lagi!

2011-01-28T18:26:00.004+08:00

Adeh, aku ingat musim hujan dah stop. Lama jugak musim hujan kali ini. Global warming. Blame it on those SKP undergraduates. LOL.

Sempena hujan yang kadang-kadang tak menentu ni,mesti tak ingat nak bawak payung. So, aku bagilah kat korang tips untuk meredah hujan dengan jayanya. Aku ni suka sangat tengok dokumentari. Huge fan of National Geographic & History Channel. like HUUUGE. So, apa yang aku nak cerita, mungkin dah selalu dah dengar. Anyway, jom terjah those tips...

Kalau hujan, mestilah ada petir dan kilat. Jadi elakkan menjadi objek tertinggi pada satu kawasan lapang. It might hit you, and burn you like a marshmallow. Owh, the rule don't just applies on tall ~~and handsome~~ guy like me. Yes, you too short people =P
Kalau hujan tiba-tiba, larilah dengan tak malunya menahan kereta. Jangan lepak bawah pokok. Bukan, bukan kerana amalan melepak itu tidak bagus. Just that, trees are more likely to be stroked by lightning. While fully enclosed place like a car (or a house) not. I don't know what to answer if you ask me '"what about a tree-house?" Itu aku terus bagi penampar Arab.
Hujan kan air. Kalau kena kan basah. So pada siapa yang tak suka basah dalam hujan, jangan lari bila hujan. Ya, saya ulang, JANGAN LARI. You will be more prone to be wet kalau lari, sebab lagi banyak ~~aurat~~ surface korang dedah pada air hujan. Ini aku tengok kat NatGeo tau, jangan nak bantah =P Try this , it makes perfect sense really.

That's it.Renung-renungkan, dan... selamat beramal!

p/s: Aku tau ada contradiction antara tips#2 dengan tips#3. To run or not to run??? Jangan tanya saya, kerana jawapannya adalah...ya, penampar Arab ya habibi. 10 markah untuk kamu.

Mencari Peneman Sunyi

2011-01-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

You got friends who said they love you. You got family that admitted they understand you. You felt secured and you want to open up, but your heart stopped you, because it felt that you’re not. What’s that little uneasiness you experienced when you’re trying to be you? What’s that little uncertainty that came in the middle of conversations? What’s that sudden rush to stop your mouth and zipped your lips?

Between those laughs and smiles, you found that hole inside your heart. One that can’t be filled with mere friendship, clumsy relationship. A hole too deep you can’t see the bottom, one too dark it sucked all light. One hole you kept hidden all this time. You covered it with fake smiles and forceful laughs. You want to show it to your best friend, but you know he wouldn’t come near.

You longed for something, but you don’t know what you longed for. You want to be you, but can you tell who are you? All this time, all those friends you acquired, all those people besides you, all those Facebook friends, all those trust that you gained... It was all for nothing, because in the end, you are still alone.

As you browsed the phone, you can’t find a name you can call. You noticed that your best friend is online, but you hesitated to tell him you’re not fine. You’re alone, but sure thing you can’t tell that to a friend. But a friend you can’t tell that, is he really a friend?

So, you crept into the bed, trying to sleep off another lonely night, after all those lonely nights you experienced before. With all the time facing the same torture, you thought you’d be stronger, but to end this is what you prefer.

We all are alone, we all are on our own. Until the meeting of the fateful one, I’ll be waiting in vain, i’ll remain in pain.

Hey, are you alone? I am too, so let me accompany you.

Hanyut

2011-01-24T17:41:00.002+08:00

Hanya kerana Kau tiada pernah bersuara padaku
Lalu ku anggap tiada Kamu
Aku tinggalkanMu
Aku lupakanMu
~Beri aku satu peluang, walau jutaan kali pernah Kauberikan~

Recipe: Kari

2011-01-21T22:00:00.003+08:00

Satu lagi siri baru dalam blog aku yang takde konsep; resipi! Memang passion aku tgk cerita masak-masak kat AFC(Asian Food Channel), just stalk Facebook aku, you will notice "Top Chef". Memang terbaik, Amazing Race pun tak cemas macam Top Chef. But why recipe, and why now? Soalan dari orang putih yang maybe baca blog aku, aku akan jawab. I have started cooking, or at least tolong tengok and potong-potong =p

Sempena Thaipusam agaknya, classmate merangkap budak blok aku beli cooker, RM 120++ jugak dia berhabis dekat pasar raya Gergasi Giant. Mentang-mentang duit ribu raban dah masuk. And to start using it, he decided on making chicken curry! Kalau aku, maybe Maggi Kari je kot. LOL. Aku tak tau kari ayam susah ke tak nak dibuat, yang aku pasti aku nak jugak cerita dekat dalam ni sebab aku ni cepat lupa. So now, this is my blog/cookbook! Clap clap clap...!!! Recipe given is the simplified version okay, sebab dah tak ingat dah (see???!)

Tumis
1) Bawang besar sebijik (dice ke, ring ke suka hati, janji ada)
2)Bawang putih seulas dua ( tips:smack dulu dengan pisau,so senang kupas)
3)Halia (setongkoi cukup kot, slice halus-halus bentuk macam fries)
4)Minyak masak (elakkan minyak lintah, tak sesuai)

Main
1) Ayam (beli yang dah siap potong- better kalau fillet,cepat sikit masak =p)
2)Santan (kami pakai kotak je, cairkan kalau pekat)
3)Serbuk kari (Gunakanlah pak cik Babas punya okeh)
4)Serbuk cili (Malaysians just love pedas, don't we?)
5)Kentang (kupas,potong empat)
6)Garam (~~sekucup~~ secukup rasa)
7)Air (jangan guna air Teh, tak sedap sangat nanti)

Yang tumis, tumis sampai naik bau atau sampai nampak warna golden yang cantik (tips: kalau bawang besar dah hilang bentuk lengkung, kira okey dah)

Yang main, masukkan dalam tumisan (wujud ke term ni?) Kuantitinya pandai-pandailah adjust ikut selera (lupa sebenarnya). Kayu ukur untuk ayam yang masak ialah kentang yang empuk. Easy!

Kalau nak lagi sedap (a.k.a sepatutnya kami beli benda ni)
1-Ajinomoto
2-Daun kari
3-Asam jawa

All those savvy tips are from my friend, no Googling were made okay. Memang terbaik kawan aku.

Denda! (Siri Meniru Rakan)

2011-01-18T21:09:00.004+08:00

Okeh, for the very the very first time I will tiru my blogger friend topic: denda.
Baiklah, ikat tali pinggang keledar anda, kerana anda akan saya bawa merentas ruang dan zaman, membelah space and time continuum (sila imagine kertas kalendar terselak-selak) , menyelak kembali lembaran sejarah, melukut di tepian gantang, menanam tebu di pinggir bibir, dan segala macam 'me-' lagilah... untuk menyelami dan menelusuri kembali, denda-denda yang pernah saya terima sepanjang dekad pertama dan kedua kehidupan saya. Enuff of bunga-bunga, let's get down to the facts yawww....

Masa sekolah rendah, denda cikgu bagi memang standard dengan orang lain kot. Tak kuasa aku nak cerita teknik-teknik melangsaikan denda berbentuk ketuk-ketampi, jalan itik, berdiri atas kerusi. Itu mudah. But lemme tell you something, aku kira baik jugaklah masa sekolah rendah. So denda-denda ni memang jarang kena. Tapi ada denda yang aku tak akan lupa sampai bila-bila...

Masa sekolah agama, petang Khamis mesti ada macam persembahan dari murid. Nasyid ke, syarahan ke... Waktu talent time ni, tak boleh bising-bising. Kalau tak pengawas tulis nama. During the talent time tu, duduklah aku sebelah jiran aku ni. She ask me something, so aku jawab la. Dengan takdir Tuhan, nama aku kena tulis. Herem. Kenalah pulak ustat aku twist sikit denda hari tu. Atoiii... Berdiri depan kat atas pentas depan public.Biasa? Oh, here's the twist: kena bukak baju! Hancur reputasi aku sebagai pengawas sekolah kebangsaan. Hancur! But as a man with pride (not yet lost walau dah bukak baju), aku pertikaikan keputusan aku didenda time tu jugak.

Dengan tangan bersilang di dada, aku cakap,"Ustat tak boleh buat macam ni. Sepatutnya pengawas kena bagi amaran dulu, baru boleh tulis nama. Ini terus tulis je..."

Macam tu lah lebih kurang aku cakap. Siap guna ilmu kepengawasan sekolah kebangsaan lagi nak debat. Ustat jawab apa aku tak ingat, but one thing aku sure is muka dia berubah. First time dia handle student yang rebellious kot. Haha! Sori ustat, malu kot orang tengok dada dan apa yang ada di dada saya.

Alamak, baru satu denda dah panjang. Nantilah aku cerita yang lain dekat next posts. Tapi kan, alang-alang aku dah cerita pasal zaman sekolah, ada satu lagi cerita aku nak cerita. Ok, pening banyak sangat cerita.

Cerita ni masa aku darjah 4 tak silap. Dalam kelas Sains,kelas Cikgu Suriani. Dia ni orang kelate, so dia sebut beluncas = ' belucah'. Mengengsot dia sebut 'ngesok'. Bagi bebudak itu kelakar kot, and aku still rasa kelakar kot. One day, dia ajar tentang bahaya hisap rokok. So, standard cikgulah mesti dia tanya apa lagi keburukan merokok... Pung pang pung pang budak bagi jawapan. Aku ni suka baca Mastika dulu. Walau tak paham mende aku baca dari Mastika, dengan naifnya aku jugak menjawab, " Mati pucuk, Cikgu!"

No, takde drop dead silence aku terima dari kelas bila aku cakap benda advanced macam tu. Sebab nobody paham maksudnya. Almost instantaneously, Cikgu Suriani gelak kekeh-kekeh. Non-stop. Semua budak-budak jadi blur. Kelakarkah? Salahkah jawapan aku? Atau gilakah? Merah padam muka aku. No explanation at all from her why, sebab dia tak boleh stop gelak. Sampai habis kelas dia gelak.

Balik sekolah, campak beg, aku bergegas cari Mastika nak tau maksud 'mati pucuk'.Tak faham walau dari konteks ayat sebab mende tu just one of many other contoh. Ahah! aku selongkar cari buku simpulan bahasa. Huruf M. M. M.... There you are...mati pucuk ialah... sejenis...
Whattt!!!!! Segannnyaaaaaa!!!!!!

Segan je

2011-01-17T19:14:00.013+08:00

Kraker Hup Seng = Biskut Cap Ping Pong

Sorry sebab buang masa korang load gambar yang nampak innocent ni.Kenapa upload? Apa? Oh, tidak saya bukan LI di kilang biskut ternama ini. Nak tau tanya budak ini. Tak kenal? Tengok la wall Facebook saya.

Surat Cinta Buatmu

2011-01-15T18:25:00.005+08:00

Kehadapan satu-satunya adikku.

Adikku, apalah kiranya sedikit ujian yang dilempar Tuhan padaku, jika dibanding rasa sakit dan tak berdaya yang dikirim Tuhan padamu. Aku mengaduh pada ujian yang terlalu kecil, sedang kamu tenang hadapi seksa dunia tanpa banyak tanya.

Bila saja aku disakiti, mudah saja aku palit marahku pada manusia sekitarku; mencaci, mencarut, mencerca. Tapi kamu, ah kuat amat. Kamu pendam dan diam, bagimu biar seksamu untukmu sendiri. Emak kata, sepanjang kamu derita, tak pernah lepas satu kata 'Aduh' dari bibir pucatmu. Kaubiar seksamu untukmu sendiri.

Adikku, kamu ingat kita berdua sendiri di meja makan di pagi raya? Setiap kali teringat aku itu, sebak dada bagai kau baru tiada rasanya. Renungmu kosong, mungkin bersyukur sempat menyambut raya. Mungkin berfikir bilakah masamu akan tiba. Saat itu juga, bergenang mataku, lalu aku lajukan kunyah lemang dan rendang, tak mahu kulihat berduka kamu di pagi raya. Ah, adikku. Masih dengan senyummu, walau diri separuh bernyawa. Sedang aku, lemah.

Adikku, sungguh aku cinta dengan sifat usahamu, yakin dirimu, sikap senangmu. Kaupasti ingat bukan pagi engkau pergi? Ramainya manusia bertandang berkongsi hiba melaut hingga ke jalanan. Rakan maktabmu tiba dengan bas pendek, saudaramu tiba dengan deret kereta, kawan baikmu mengaji dari malam ke subuh, abang dan kakakmu tak henti menyiapkan rumah, tak henti bacaan Quran disedekah. Mereka itu juga semuanya, senang dan cinta padamu. Sedang aku, hambar dan melayu.

Adikku, sejak akhir-akhir ini terbabas rasanya aku dari Tuhan, walau sedikit cuma ujian diberikan. Terlupa aku padamu. Pasti kau sedari kurang sinar kuburanmu, itu aku yang alpa untuk sedekah padamu. Maafkan aku. Aku abangmu yang tiada timbang rasa. Kurayu padamu. Adikku, bimbing aku buka lembar baru. Tancapkan semangatmu dalam dadaku. Sematkan senyummu pada tirai mukaku.

Adikku, temani aku lagi.

Al-Fatihah.

Yang benar,
Abangmu

p/s: Ingat lagi waktu di pagi raya itu? Kau gagahkan dirimu berjalan,bertatih agar dapat kauberikan seekor kucing jalanan ayam rendang sebagai habuan. Aku suka itu.

Gila

2011-01-14T12:02:00.003+08:00

Okeh, hati ini tengah panas amat sekarang. Bajet gila babun mamat sekor ni. This is the story...

Aku tengah makan ramai-ramai dengan kawan-kawan. Then as usual, buat lawak, gelak-gelak...

OK, here it goes. Aku melawak dengan kawan aku (let's put him as A )about something (tak lawak mana pun actually). Then, this A just gave me this grin. Senyum kesian kot. Huhu.

Then,mamat babun yang duduk sebelah A suddenly tanya, "Apa dia ko cakap tadi?" Dia tak dengar apa aku cakap tadi.

Nobody loves to repeat things, especially when it was a not-so-funny joke right?
So I said, "Takde pape..." I'm saying this nicely, note that. With a smile lagi.

Then someone distract mamat ni, tanya apa entah, then finish, dia paling lagi tanya, "Apa dia ko cakap tadi?"
It really wasn't that funny, not worth repeating, and exclusive for kawan aku A- meaning kalau aku cakap kat mamat babun (B-lah senang) dia takkan faham pun what else to laugh, so aku cakap kat B dengan ikhlas dari hati yang tenang di hari Jumaat, " Tak, I was just joking. Nothing important." So far OK lagi,nothing happened...then......

Dia cakap, " Kalau tak penting buat apa cakap." <<< Tone dia tone cari pasal

Aku cool lagi, then aku cakap in defense of myself but still in joking tone, " Jokes suppose to be not important." I was still smiling note that.

Then B cakap in ceramah-like, bajet terbaik manner, " Kalau tak penting buat apa cakap. Sama macam cakap benda sia-sia la."

Whut the Hacks??!
Aku dah la short-temper pnye orang, belum masuk Zohor dah kena khutbah. Then meletup la bombs. He shows no regret at all by saying all that.

Buat masa ni tak terfikir lagi nak lupa, maafkan ke what so ever. Aku nak bagi dia sedar. Once and for all (sebab dah pernah jadi macam ni few times before, tapi buat lagi. Hampeh)

Kalau korang kena korang tau la macam mana tone,expression dia tadi. Adeh, menyirap darah aku. Kalau korang setuju dengan perasaan aku, sila angkat tangan.

Tutup

2011-01-13T14:15:00.002+08:00

Segan rasanya berada di sisimu
Bagai didampingi malaikat
Sungguh tiada manusia sempurna aku tahu
Tapi kamu kulihat cukup sifat

Gaya dan tingkahmu
Biasa sederhana
Senyum dan guraumu
Terjaga batas Pencipta

Tapi bila kuterpandang sisi gelapmu
Yang terhindar dari pandangnya manusia
Aku percayakanmu, aku ragui diriku
Mungkin ini kebetulan, ini tidak sengaja

Kulihat pula kali kedua
Meruntun sungguh hatiku, sungguh!
Aku tahu tiada manusia sempurna
Kaubuat aku gamam dan takut

Bagaimana harusku lihatmu seperti sedia
Bila sudah nampak jelas rahsia
Yang mungkin jarang kaulakukan
Yang mungkin juga lama disimpan

Bagaimana harusku nyatakan padamu
Kerana kau nyatanya lebih sempurna dariku
Lalu kuhadang malumu
Lalu kututup aibmu

Mutual

2011-01-12T18:24:00.001+08:00

Can’t you see

How I’m into you?

I get so clumsy

When you I see

You make me breathless

The atmosphere’s awkward

You’ll start conversations first

While talking, you’ll lean forward

Like you’re so interested

When all we talk was weather

As if I’m talking jokes

You’ll crack with laughter

Then you give me your punchline

Which is always better

When you’re not laughing

All you do was smiling

Can’t you see I’m gasping?

Between all those talking

But all the time

You’ll keep your head down

Eyes steadfast on the floor

You look so gentle, I’m in awe

Then there will be time you’ll be in silence

As if you’re mustering confidence

As if you want to say something

But can’t bring it to talking

Was the feeling mutual?

Was it for real?

Do you feel the same?

Do you feel it too?

Just say it,

I’ll answer, “Me too.”

Indonesia

2011-01-07T17:22:00.008+08:00

Aku appreciate usaha-usaha mereka nak upgrade/renovate/beautify tandas aku.

Aku sentiasa mendoakan yang terbaik terhadap incik-incik indon yang kerja bermati-matian.

Aku siap sokong TimNas kot masa final bola baru ni (yeah, right).

Tapi kalau berzaman bertukang tak siap-siap lagi, sape tak hangin beb. Dari study week dah start pahat berbunyi, but still ~~rumah~~ tandas tak siap. [habislah kalau aku dah bermadah]

Dengan habuk simen, dengan bunyi gerudi, bunyi potong tiles. Adoyaii…

Dah jatuh teruk result aku sem lepas. Dem-it. [ayat mengkambing-hitamkan incik indon ]

Yang tak boleh blah, time aku balik dari cuti sebulan, tak ada progress langsung. Diorang pun cuti kot?Terbaekk.

Siap ada cebisan kertas bungkus simen lagi dalam bilik aku.Hampeh punya garuda. [ni tak sakit hati sangat sebab memang aku tinggalkan bilik bersepah :-p ]

Yang buat aku angin ~~sampai nak beli minyak yuyi cap limau~~, ada ke patut di-renovate/upgrade/beautify semua bilik air. Mana aku nak melabur??? Mana???! Ini bukannya Jakarta dong boleh dilaburin aja di tepiannya longkang. Begok amat sih lo. Okay,kasar la plak.

Jadi sejak balik cuti, makin ramai budak blok aku yang berani mendedahkan aurat dada dan betis bila nak cross ke blok sebelah. Aku? Oh, tak mau cerita. Nanti korang spy aku. Tak mau,tak mau. Izaidi? Itu ya. LOL~

Inilah makhluk yang menyebabkan aku mandi di jamban

Inilah maling yang buat aku merantau untuk study

Ini pulak penyebab aku boleh tidur malam je. Tidur petang jangan mimpi

Ah! Malaslah nak pikir lagi. Main laser lagi bagus.

p/s: Last post wast the 1ooth! Baru sedar, sigh... And I decided on writing a cheezy post.Urgh.

Love...Tyra.

2011-01-03T19:08:00.004+08:00

Naja: Hello Cik Tyra Banks. Nasihat awak tak boleh pakailah.

Tyra: Err...hello? First of all who the heck are you? Second of all, my advice works. Everytime.

Naja: (amboi bongkak gile dia ni) Siapa saya tak penting. Yang penting nasihat awak hampeh.

Tyra: I dunno who are you are but wuteva (rooling her eyes). Which advice is this anyway?

Naja: Alah,awak tu satu je nasihat ada. Bajet power.

Tyra: Okay, you just pissed me off. Like literally. Urea pissed. Now, which advice? Tell me now or else...

Naja: Rilek la bro. Alah, yang senyum pakai mata tu. Smile with your eyes (mocking).

Tyra: Oh, the Smeyes rule? I LOOOOVE that rule (squeaking)!!!

Naja: (Annoyed) Hoi, are you even listening!? I just despised your stupid advice.

Tyra: Oh,you just know how to make me angry boy.

Naja: Dah nasihat awak tu tak boleh pakai...

Tyra: When and where did you used this rule??? In a toilet or sumthin'?

Naja: Ngek awak. Mana ada orang senyum time buang air.

Tyra: That's a sarcasm you little hopeless model. Idiot.

Naja: Siapa cakap saya model?

Tyra: ~~But you look like one ^^~~. Then who are you??? And how the heck you got into my studio??? And what about that photo-shoot you're talking about?! (going berserk)

Naja: Err.. saya ni student. Bukannya photo-shootlah.Tadi amek gambar masa buat kad matrik. Pakai Smeyes tu tadi, buruk je gambar.

Tyra: Security!!! SEKARITI!!!!

[ ini bukanlah realiti, sebab Tyra Banks tak tau Bahasa Melayu]

Siapa Saya Sebenarnya

2011-01-02T08:38:00.004+08:00

This is a really panjang post...so I bold out some main points to help you. Enjoy/Suffer!

Since I know what life is, there’s nothing in it but pain. I cannot do this without help, yet I’m here, by myself. It’s like I’m invisible, no one cares. It’s like I’m invincible, they hurt me everytime. You see, when I choose this path, I choose myself to be alone. And with that, I’m lonely. If I can, I will choose the path the majority took, but there’s only one truth: I can’t. No one would probably understand this, but there’s nothing playful about this. I choose this painful path, just because the path you took will probably hurt me more than this. I didn’t choose myself to be different; I’m made different. Every night was the blackest night for me. Everytime I creep into my bed, I can’t help but to think of how lonely the day was.

Perhaps you can never understand me,perhaps you would ask, ”how can a person so happy and glee said that he was lonely? How can a person who laugh at the silliest jokes, said that he’d been through his day alone?”

pensel+ kertas...based on foto raya

aku pernah senyum macam ni dulu.sekarang, I doubt it will be as this sincere.

Bottled up inside me are secrets. So illogical, it’s a taboo. So unacceptable, it’s a disgrace to have. It’s the mother of all secrets, secrets I can’t tell to anyone: my family, my parents, my friends, you and I can’t even tell them to myself. I lived the life so carefully, so nobody knows. Everyday is a challenge, everyone is a threat. So tell me, how can anyone with such secrets cannot feel alone? You see, I’ve been longing for one best friend for too long now. But how can I have one, when I cannot brave myself to tell my deepest, darkest secrets? How?

I’ve been living my life afraid. I’m so insecure. I’m so fragile. That’s why I have this shell around me. I had once told myself, I’d never be hurt just because I’m an anomaly to the crowd. Since then, I’m collecting ego and wrath. I’ve been an angry, unforgiving human. And with that, I choose to be alone. I had to be.

I trust no one. I kept everything inside, living my life in disguise. Half of my life I’ve been someone else. Don’t you feel like you don’t know me, because even I can’t tell you who I am. Half of my life, I’ve hurt others so that I will never be hurt. There will be day that I regretted hurting others, but my head would always said that this is for my own good. That I need a protection, and this hurting is one good protection.

What have I become? Who am I?

You see, everybody said that what I’ve been living in is occurring to everyone. That I’m not alone. Seriously? Are you talking about that insecure teenage age? Don’t worry, even I have the same trouble of looking good, or having the coolest friends, or hanging out at the bestest place. I’m all that and; the secret. The secret can top all the other, so what’s you’ve been feeling, times that by two. Apalah sangat nak rasa lawa, atau nak kawan yang cool.

Now you know it. A slight glimpse of a miserable Naja. Or maybe nobody will know, because maybe nobody care to read this lengthy crap. And hey, don’t worry, I will not cut my wrist or anything yeah

Love's a Waiting Game

2011-01-02T07:49:00.004+08:00

I’ve been waiting for you,

Too long that I warm the cold wood bench,

Where once scorching sun there’s now cold blue moon,

My, the rain was heavy my shirt all drenched.

Still I wait you there,

Thinking maybe you’re just two minutes away,

Imagining you popping out around that corner,

The corner we first met when we bumped each other.

I’m waiting you still,

Hands in pockets, reaching for the last cigarettes,

Watching people walking,talking, and making deals,

A glimpse of you please, so I have no regrets.

Yes I’m here for you,

What was after-rain mist now black car fumes,

Owh there you are,

You damn driver in my damn nice car.

[misi balas dendam post banyak-banyak after so long a time tak online. Hambik nih...]

Habis Cuti

2011-01-02T02:07:00.004+08:00

Apa yang aku teladani sepanjang cuti ini?

Hmmm...owh.ada satu.

Tahukah anda movie Jurassic Park jika di-translate ke Bahasa Melayu ialah Taman Zaman Jura.

Sakit

2010-11-27T19:51:00.002+08:00

Urgh!
Entah mengapa datang rasa mengalah
Bila yang menguji hanya helaian kertas
Selebar dua telapak

Mungkin tak keruan kerana teringat ujian yang pertama
Hingga melarat ke ujian kedua
Ah! Kalau asyik diingat-ingat memang begitu gelojak hati
Meragu jawapan yang dahulu
Hingga terganggu jawapan yang baharu
Bukan aku tak bisa mengulang ingat pesan ibu,
" Usah dibincang jawapan peperiksaan!"

Ibu, masalahnya ini dunia ramai manusia bijak-bijak
Rasanya satu kepuasan agaknya mereka mengulang jawab dengan suara
Melihat mereka tersenyum lebar keluar dewan sudah buat aku lemah
Dengar sahaja satu patah kata dan angka
Aku tahu aku screwed-up
Bukannya aku suka berbincang jawapan wahai ibu
Dalam kumpulan belajar saja aku cukup malas
Tapi telinga ini bukannya semacam mata wahai orang tuaku
Boleh dikatup tutup sampai tak terdengar suara
Cupingan telinga ini kelopaknya keras menguatbunyi suara perbincangan
Tak mampu aku melentur bagai kelopaknya mata

Kalau aku menutup telinga dengan tangan
Apa pula kata mereka?
Emosional
Ambil perasaan
Melampau
Annoying
Heh, pengalaman aku dihina waktu nerdish di sekolah dulu
Cukup agaknya dijilid jadi buku guide buat ganti buku panduan sekolah
Jadi itu buat aku jadi hati-hati bila bereaksi
Nah! Hasilnya aku jamahkan saja audio-audio busuk
yang frekuensinya menghina jawapan aku yang tadi beriya kucoret
yang amplitudnya tega mencucuk gegendang
Ranap terus harapan~ dan juga tumpuan
Hoi! Apakah rasionalnya mengup-date blog awal malam begini
Walhal esok terketar-ketar lagi menjawab, menekan mesin kira-kira
Walhal esok terdengar-dengar lagi manusia-manusia bijak
Mengira betul salah jawapan dengan sekadar mencongak

Fikir

2010-11-17T16:02:00.004+08:00

Aku rasa macam bersalah pulak bila tak balik beraya. Alasan aku tak balik- Study, Exams dah dekat.
But, looking back for the past few days, I didn't really get anything academical inside of my head. Rasa semacam ada sesuatu yang yang menyumbat salur masuk ilmu dari buku ke otak.
Macam oksigen masuk dalam peparu, tapi macam segan-segan pulak nak masuk di celahan hemoglobin darah.
Too many distractions I think. Hell yeah too many.

Sesi luahan rasa.Ehem-ehem.

How would you feel if someone that you cared about disappoints you? Continuously. Intentionally. How would you feel, how would you react?
You calculate your every move so that one person will not be dissappointed by you. You calculate your every move even to an extent where you want that person to be happy. But this one person simply disappoints you with unthinkable remarks, unbelievable acts of ditching, hurting, disappointing you- continuously,intentionally. Macam bagi susu, dibalas tuba rasanya.
Simply bagi tuba.Continuously. Intentionally. How would you feel?

I tell you what I feel. It makes me wonder, " What did I do wrong?" That's a bad feeling I tell you. When you start to blame yourself- that's sucks.

When I realized I did nothing that wrong to get that kind of treatment, I'll reach my next phase: Anger. Oooh this one is totally not cool. Totally. This is the time where I felt gushes of blood into my face, when I see that one person. This is where mistakes happen. The kind of mistakes that almost irreparable. Like scolding, face-punching and stuff. This is when you should sit if you are standing, lie if you are sitting.

Next, there's a phase called "REVENGE". This is one huge crappy feeling that come into you like setan. When this one person can't get the message - "Hey, I hate what you did last time, I forgive you, but please don't do it again" - that's when REVENGE took over you. Just like setan, REVENGE is playing cosplay. It can be as subtle as 'The Silent Treatment'. (Tak tau? This is a strategy where you play indifferent to what ever this one person do. Cakap tak, tegur tak. Nothing. The pedih-est treatment ever.)
Or REVENGE will take it's fullest form: get physical. Macam gunting all stuff in that one person's wardrobe ke, or infecting the hate to another kawan ke... That's how bahaya REVENGE is.

Luckily,this one person didn't get any of that. OK. Maybe sikit. Seriously, I am a good friend, but a really bad-ass enemy. Hanya iman senipis kulit bawang ini je la beza antara kena pelempang dengan tampar sayang.

Soalan bonus: Kawan yang selalu disappoint kita ni, boleh kira kawan jugak ke eh? Sekali-sekala kira boleh maap lagi ye dak?

Nota kaki: Post ini tiada kaitan dengan sape-sape. no one but my own pengalaman. Jangan mandai-mandai buat andaian. Huhu.

Runtun

2010-11-15T06:12:00.003+08:00

Ah hati yang kotor ini meronta-ronta lagi mengingati kamu. Tak pernah sedikitpun api rindu padamu padam, malah meliuk pun tidak.

Ah hati yang dikarat dosa ini mengharap dikifarah Tuhan. Takut terus reput rapuh sampai lupa padamu, patah terjelepuk tak terpangkin.

Ah hati ini kian lemas dengan sandiwara satu purnama. Rimas dengan hujan pilu yang merenyai bergerimis, sejuk saja tak mampu tertahan.

Ah kepala ini teruji lagi akalnya dek rasa ingin pulang. Tak sanggup kiranya mengguris hati sang tua yang menunggu, apa aku berdosa apa aku derhaka.

Ah saudaraku yang selalu amat aku rindukan. Tak sanggup lagi hati ini meneka kemana kau pergi, bila yang tinggal hanya jejak perasaan.

Ah apa adakah manusia yang aku bisa percaya, yang sedia mendengar dan bertanya khabar hatiku, kerana yang ada merasa terlalu bersalah mengintai hatiku.

Ah Tuhan! Aku perlu teman untuk kucerita semua ini!

Lupa

2010-11-12T23:10:00.002+08:00

Sudah hitam agaknya hati ini

Sudah acap dikambus dosa

Sudah kelam agaknya dikabus dengki

Sudah kerap dihambur dusta

Sudah selalu sangat

Sampai terlupa tak ingat

Datang

2010-11-08T15:12:00.004+08:00

Kau hadir dalam jagaku
Tanpa pernah aku memanggil
Mungkin kurindu kamu bawah sedar akalku
Atau mungkin aku yang kau rindu

Kau hadir tika kulihat anak kecil ketawa
Hadir juga tika angin petang bertiup lembut
Bagai rohmu menyatu dalam jasad dunia
Setia lagi menghampar kasih,menghilang takut

Getar sejuk bayu petang itu mengalir dari urat leherku
Terus menekan jiwa batinku, tersedu aku dengan tangis tak berlagu
Apa irama yang harus kupilih,
Bila masin air mata hanya menambah pedih

Teruskanlah kauhadir dalam hidupku, mimpiku
Teruskanlah kaudatang merobek lagi luka hatiku
Andai kepedihan saja yang mengingatkanku padamu
Aku rela ditoreh lagi seribu luka

Anak kecil itu masih tersenyum dan ketawa
Angin bayu itu masih mengalir di celah leher dan rambutku
Engkau masih datang dalam hati dan jiwa
Menabur lagi belerang pada luka hatiku

Ya Allah! Rindunya aku pada dia!!!

Books and Coaches

2010-10-29T17:51:00.005+08:00

Were you the one I saw waiting at the bus stop?

Or the one I caught looking while I shop?

Or were you the glimpse I saw disappearing behind the wall?

Was that your number in all those strange missed calls?

Was that your eyes I saw between books and novels

When I go through those library’s bookshelves?

Were you the one who said sorry to me

For cutting the line because you need to hurry?

Were you the one in that late night train?

One that was wet of the relentless rain

Could you be the one I saw in the crowd crying?

One that held a crumpled paper with hands shaking

I know we’ll meet someday,

Be it a rainy night or a sunny day,

I know we’ll meet somewhere,

Be it the final train or the next book fair.

I don’t who, when, where

But this I’m sure: I’ll be there.

p/s: Sorry sebab banyak posts seemed to be too personal lately.... Well, I'm back!

Intai

2010-10-21T07:25:00.002+08:00

Semalam aku intai langit. Cari bintang cerah sebelah bulan. Itu Musytari. Terang tak termalap cahaya bulan, bersinar memantul kuasa mentari. Hantar mesej ringkas pada kakak, "Nak tengok Musytari?"
Berbalas-balas mesej ringkas berkali-kali kerana kakak masih tak jumpa bintang cerah. Sini juga nampak walau jerebu. Masakan tak terlihat cahaya terang aneh. Tak percaya agaknya Musytari bisa lihat terus guna mata kasar. Jumpa akhirnya. Sama-sama suka lihat Musytari.

Satu mesej sampai. "Terdetik hati aku nak bagitau Iwa...Hmm.rindu Iwa.."

Kuintai langit, kulihat kamu

Iwa. Ketawa. Belasungkawa.

2010-10-19T14:01:00.003+08:00

Aku ketawa kuat-kuat
Aku senyum luas-luas

Adakah aku pura-pura
Atau aku memang gembira?

Jangan sesiapa tanya aku
Aku benar-benar tak tahu

Gembira mungkin
Lupa kamu,tidak

Wahai adik
Ketawa suka senyum aku
Bermakna aku teruskan hidup
Bukan sudah lupa aku pada kamu
Kain hitam dan ketayap putih
Biar jadi ingatan padamu
Biar jadi pengubat rindu

Kita jumpa juga nanti
Tunggu aku

Bila aku tayang kasut raya Converse warna biru...
Aku: "Iwa,hehehe..."
Adik: "Kenapa tak beli warna hitam?"
Aku: "Hitam?urgh..."

Adik...kau bagai sudah tahu (",)

Faham

2010-10-09T17:38:00.003+08:00

Aku percaya
Tiada satu batang tubuh manusia pun
Yang faham sesungguhnya
Isi hati
Rasa hati
Perasaan hati
Hati aku

Luka di kaki kiri
Tak mungkin kanan merasa

Mereka boleh menangis sehabis mungkin
Tapi berjurai jatuh pun tak mungkin merasa
Pedih dan sesak menahan nafas
Dengan dada luka terbuka

Kerana itu
Aku berpaling pada Tuhan
Yang mendengar, betul-betul mendengar
Yang simpati , sebenar-benar simpati

Tak pernah aku kecewa menghampar derita padaNya
Tak pernah beralih sedikit pun,
Biar panjang berjela aku mengeluh padaNya

Tak pernah berganjak sedikit pun
Biar tak teratur baris ayat
Dengan hela, esak dan sedu

Tuhan jangan Kau tinggal aku sendiri

[terima kasih buat teman yang cuba memahami. Tuhan saja pembalas jasamu.]

"Bila kau pula nanti terluka nanti, fahamilah bahawa tak mungkin aku faham semuanya,
Ceritalah padaku, tapi bicaralah sama Tuhanmu"

Mimpi

2010-10-01T23:16:00.003+08:00

Lama tak call rumah.
call Emak.

Tanya pasal Adik.

Tadi mimpi tengah call Emak.

Lain macam.
Rumah sounded so different.

Tak sedap hati.
Ada bad feelings.

Gotta call ASAP. Stat.

Tapi orang cakap, mimpi mainan syaitan.
Orang cakap, mimpi is the opposite of what's gonna happen in reality.

Emak, pasang volume ringtone handphone kuat-kuat eh.
Esok Aja nak call.

Expecting good news. It has to be good.

Kadang

2010-09-29T16:07:00.002+08:00

Kadang aku tersadung,
Kadang aku mengeluh,
Kadang aku meraung,
Kadang aku mengaduh

Kadang aku tajam,
Kadang aku bodoh,
Kadang aku diam,
Kadang aku seloroh,
Kadang aku pendam,
Kadang aku rapuh,
Kadang aku geram,
Kadang aku patuh,
Kadang aku pejam,
Kadang aku tempuh,

Antara kadang dan selalu,
Aku bukan itu,
Itu bukan aku,
Aku antara dua,
Tak mahu memilih satu.

Tak perlu semua itu,
Biarlah kamu keliru,
Kerana antara kadang dan selalu,
Aku sudah kenal siapa aku.

“Dunia mahu kau berubah, kerana mereka percaya kau tak mampu mengubah dunia. Stupid.”

Mesej

2010-09-27T16:49:00.003+08:00

The kind of SMS's that I prefer not having...

"Esok ada perjumpaan/program etc. ...Sila hadirkan diri..." Esoknya: Tukang mesej tak datang.
Unreplied messages.
Too-little-too-late replied messages. Contohnya: "Aku nak pergi bilik kau ni.." Bila dah sampai," Weh aku tak ada kat bilik la.Sori..."
"Mahukan video hangat awekz2 cun...SMS LAYAAAAAN... ke 28843"
" RM 0.00... 1Malaysia..."
"You have insufficient Airtime balance. Please reload your account..."

Siapa yang suka, iya tak?

Graviti

2010-09-23T17:15:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang aku lupa

Aku hanya manusia

Aku leka melompat bangga
Atas kejayaan yang tak sengaja

Aku hanya lelaki
Aku tegar meludah ke langit
Atas kegagalan yang dirancang sendiri

Aku hanya hamba
Aku ingkar sang pencipta
Atas alasan dunia yang direka-reka

Aku lupa berjalan terpasung aku di Bumi
Atas kerana diciptaNya graviti

sekuat mana aku melompat, aku akan jatuh juga,
aku akan sendiri terhina,bila ludah kembali ke muka

Warna

2010-08-23T02:48:00.000+08:00

Bila hidupmu pilu
Ambillah sekotak pensel warna
Mula conteng sesuka hatimu
Tapi sebelum itu
Campak dahulu yang warna kelabu

Bila hidupmu ceria
Cabutlah kasut dari hujung kaki
Berlari ringan di atas rumput
Baring sendiri menatap langit
Diam. Dan hirup udara sepenuh dada.

Bila hidupmu sunyi
Lari ke taman sambil menyanyi
Duduk dan perhati
Kanak-kanak berlari
Mengejar buih warna pelangi

Then monotonous,now coloured.

Wanita

2010-08-09T18:16:00.002+08:00

[ini juga adalah misi menge-post posts yang menyawang dalam laptop]

Wahai Wanita,
Anda perlu kuat seperti akar semalu,
Walau halus tapi luas dan rapat mencengkam bumi,
Anda perlu sedia seperti sedianya semalu,
Tajam berduri mempertahan diri
Anda perlu ada malu seperti daunnya semalu,
Tahu menguncup,perlahan bila malam menjelma,
Tahu menguncup,laju bila ada menyentuh.

Wahai Wanita,
Tutuplah tubuhmu sebagaimana patutnya.
Kerana hati lelaki bergetar cukup dengan memandang bayangmu.
Wahai wanita,
Tutuplah tubuhmu sebagaimana dituntutNya,
Kerana Tuhanmu tahu indahnya penciptaanmu lebih lagi dari kamu tahu.
Wahai wanita,
Andai kamu sudah menutup dirimu,jagalah pula tingkahmu,
Kerana gelak tawamu umpama gemersik lagu,
Lagak gayamu umpama pelangi berwarna seribu,
Yang bisa membuat lelaki warak menatap dan menoleh,
Yang bisa membuat lelaki jahat menggetap dan meleleh.

Wahai Wanita,
Janganlah kaubiarkan mudah lelaki untuk menyentuhmu,
Sebagaimana tak mudah kaubiarkan dirimu dicerai dan dimadu.
Wahai Wanita,
Tunjukkanlah kesukaanmu dengan bersama setuju nikah dan mahar,
Bukan dengan bersama setuju belajar dan keluar.
Wahai Wanita,
Janganlah kau terlalu suka sang arjuna gembira denganmu.
Kerana gembiranya dia kerana mendapatmu,
Bukan kerana mahu terus memilikimu.

Wahai Wanita,
Bagaimana kaubisa nanti cerita pada puterimu,
Tentang kisah bermula cintamu pada ayahnya,
Kalau ingatan cinta yang ada hanya sudah bersulam dosa.
Wahai Wanita,
Jangan kaugundah tidak berpunya,
Ingatlah bahawa akhir jodohmu sudah tertulis di Luh Mahfuz,
Sekarang kau hanya perlu melakar jalan ceritanya

-Dedicated to my 6 sisters and all Muslimah-

[ilham Solusi by Telaga Biru and Allah of course]

Kalimah Lima Huruf

2010-08-07T18:07:00.003+08:00

[ini adalah misi menge-post posts yang menyawang dalam laptop]

CINTA

Cinta sejati.
Cinta yang di antara dua itu,
Ada Tuhan dan keberkatan.
Cinta yang kekal ada,
walau harta sudah tiada,
Cinta yang buta,
Pada kedut dan hitam rupa.

Cinta palsu.
Cinta yang di antara dua itu,
Ada Syaitan dan Nafsu,
Cinta yang banyak mimpi,
Sama banyak dengan manis janji,
Cinta yang kalau ditalak tiga,
Tak mungkin laku untuk dibicara.
Cinta yang lagi banyak sentuh tangan,
dari patuh pada Tuhan.

Cinta itu sejati,
Kalau sentuh sayang,
Batal wuduk,dapat pahala.

Cinta itu palsu,
Kalau sentuh sayang,
Batal wuduk,dapat dosa.

Cinta sejati.
Bila berpegang tangan.
Andai berjumpa Rasulullah,
Terus lepas pegangan,
Sebab nak lari ke Rasulullah kerana rindu.

Cinta palsu.
Bila berpegang tangan.
Andai berjumpa Rasulullah,
Terus lepas pegangan,
Sebab nak lari dari Rasullulah kerana malu.

-Peringatan untuk aku. Aku. Aku. dan kamu-

Hurt

2010-08-07T17:23:00.001+08:00

I’m sorry that I hurt you.
All the ignorance and silence,
Are as hurtful to me as they do onto you.

I’m sorry that I hurt you,
It’s just that I need some proof,
That your attention isn’t some kind of joke,

I’m sorry that I hurt you,
I live so long hating myself,
How am I suppose to believe that you are true,

I’m sorry that I hurt you,
Your tears and weary stares,
Gain me nothing but pain.

I’m sorry that I hurt you,
When I hurt you,
I hurt myself.

An Imaginary Ex

2010-07-10T22:44:00.003+08:00

If anyone ever ask me
How you did you cope with it
I would say I didn’t
Because at times
You’re still in my mind

While watching your favourite show,
While walking at places we both know,
Or while listening to your playlist of songs
That I can’t erase from the iPod and phone

How can I ever forget you
When all I see is you
The pencil that you gave
The shirt that you chose
The stall that you suggested
The book that you wrapped

There are times when I don’t know myself anymore
I don’t know whether my dislikes are all my dislikes
Or some of them are yours
I don’t know whether my favourites are all mine
Or are they all yours

So the next time you post your status on Facebook
Or when you upload pictures that you took
You can be sure that I care to look
Yet I have no courage to say ‘Hi’ or to poke

Those final days were hard
But now it’s even harder
What should I do
When I saw you at the ATM
Or at the cafeteria on 9 AM
Should I smile and say hi?
Or should I talk a little and say goodbye?

[written above is fictional stuff, since I have no iPod,and I never poke no one,and have no ex....written with few truth.very few actually]

World Cup: NewWorld, NewCult

2010-06-23T00:34:00.000+08:00

Truth be told, I have no interest what so ever towards the so-called the best sport in the world; football.
I still remember calling a friend a poser just because he showed interest in football during World Cup 2006, when he don’t even raised an eyebrow upon hearing the word ‘EPL’ etc. etc. before.

My prejudice towards this sport started as early as I can remember the smell of freshly mowed grass on my primary school field. Oh, only God knows how I hate changing into my PJ outfits. Heck, I even hate the whole day if I ever came across the word ‘PJ’ on the schedule. The commotion in the morning to pack the clothes, the muddy field due to last night’s heavy rain, the sticky sweat on my back that will bother me until the last ring of bell; the thoughts were just the perfect breakfast to ruin my day from the very morning.

Then the real terror began. More terrorizing than the muddy football field: play football. Having no motor skills, lack of mind-body control, and constant thoughts reminding myself to keep my socks dry are the recipe for disaster, even before the whistle blows. Known to all for not having both interest and skills needed in the game, I was always placed near the goal line where I was either the goalie or the defender. In both cases, I sucked. The only reasons I was given such positions are they required less dribble, and more gut (which I didn’t have that much either).

It was normal to me to stay away from the opposing team’s half of the field. A lot of time I found myself sitting on the field, playing kemuncup, or chanting and praying the ball from getting close to my half of field. My ignorance to the game was at the same degree of theirs towards the rule of offside. I also found myself being the last to stepped down the stairs to the field, just so that I have no chance to play the crowded game (as if I want it). Having numbers of bullies as the main players/ teacher’s favourite didn’t help that much of the football’s reputation either.

All of these didn’t mean that I never tried to love the game. In fact, I tried hard. But an evening of football with majority of boys 2-3 years older than me gave me no chance to add any skills that I lacked, ones that will catapult me from the typical ‘kaki bangku’ positions. So much of playing for the sake of playing, when all they want were winning. So, my having no tolerance towards the sport continues through my adolescence- where I found much more people having the same stand as mine. LOL.

But all of a sudden, well not that sudden- for the last couple of years, I had gained back the momentum to kick a ball that I never had for years. The birth of futsal that requires no dipping my feet in after-rain muddy field and no strict requirements on the right shoes gave me the confidence to play it, “just for fun” – quoting from many professional football players. But that’s not all. Having supportive and in-the-same-shoes kind of new friends in varsity also boost (LOL!) my will to play. For once, I have the chance to play among people of same age that I know and will not judge but to help me play right. It’s not like I aim at going professional, just good enough to have fun kicking or more importantly; to not to be laughed at.

So now it never surprised me to find myself watching football while sipping teh tarik; something I would never even think to have two years back. It’s good to be able to response when the topics at the back of newspaper were brought up. It’s good also to talk and argue (and win!) about offside rule with my dad when Portugal scores a ridiculous seven goals last night. I might make myself pathetic writing this down, but who cares?! It felt good to share.

P/s: I said ‘muddy’ too much, didn’t I? What’s ‘lecah’ eh in English?

Aku Dewa

2010-06-13T12:49:00.003+08:00

Andai aku dapat memejal bayang
Andai aku bisa menggolek segi
Andai aku mampu menyatu debu
Andai aku kuasa menegak lintang
Andai aku boleh menggelap cahaya

Tapi aku tak boleh,
aku tak kuasa,
aku tak mampu,
aku tak bisa,
aku tak dapat.

sedang cukup payah merentak degup jantung,
sedang cukup lelah menetap lebar langkah,
sedang cukup susah menghafal bait surah.

Hati ini kecoh mendewa diri,
Sedang tubuh menggeletar menahan mati.
Ampuni aku ya Rabbi

Friend Turned Enemy: The Worst Enemy

2010-04-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

What should I do now that I had lost a bestfriend, and making one eerie enemy. One that knows your every secrets and your hidden personality. Knows how you would react at things, and knows what will hurt you the most.

Things cannot be any worst than that. You calculated every move so that there will be no chance you will get hurt,yet you are. An enemy who knows your weakness more than yourself.
There you are hoping things will turn out fine, when your old friend turn out to be planning the next move. You will be taken down subtly, yet painfully.

I'm going down now. So much that I suffocated with life. Dying because of life, how can you ask to be alive.

But ask me if I'm giving up. Well, I'm not even giving in. So watch out you wicked,arsehole, life-sucking, ungrateful forgetful old friend. I will rise up again, and you will be sorry that you messed up with an old friend who knows just as much about you,too.

You had crossed the line. I lost my patience. I will not just watch you taking me down now. I will fight back this time,till I win, even if I have to go down with you

Scene: Payback Time
Soundtrack: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon