perfectlyimperfect

I need to feel like a man Not for you to be my mom I’m perfectly capable of living alone But a better life with you along But now I feel less like a man And you a lot like my mom Yes true that I do love my mother But loving you like that is weird altogether Maybe I come back when I’m more of a man Maybe I come back when you’re less a mother When you no more dictate today’s underpants When you don’t ask did I take too short a shower Baby, the rule is simple I’m more of a man if you don’t mother me You’re more my woman if you smother me. With love I mean not endless nagging With matrimonial love not maternal ranting. Baby, I can be your baby Please, just not too literally.

Take my hand right, And hold on to it tight, We will walk through the night, Till we spot the first light. Walk a little longer, Because one step is another step closer, Just a few more my dear, Persevere, chase away the fear. It’s so dark I know,come near To my voice you follow,you hear They’re slipping away from mine, your fingers At my side you stay, I’m here, Darling, where are you? Hold still, I get you, This will take me a moment, Wait there please a second. My love, can you answer me Where are you, I cannot see, There you are, you make me worry, I left you cold and weary, Oh darling I’m sorry. Oh there darling , Can you  see the light, can you see it? It’s so near now I can reach it, Be patient my darling, Soon our hands will stop shaking, Soon our bodies will stop shivering, And our hearts...stop beating.

Petang itu aku berjumpa dengan dia di pangkin sebelah padang. Berjumpa atas permintaannya. Jadi aku tahu ini mesti hal penting. “Kenapa?” aku cuba memulakan. Dia menoleh, kemudian kembali membelakangi aku. “Panas kan cuaca sekarang?” balasnya dengan pertanyaan. “Hmm.” “Kau dah makan?” “Dah.” Sunyi kembali. Ah, aku benci begini. Kenapa mesti kau tanya soalan yang aku boleh jawab sepatah? Dia berpaling. Tenung aku. “Kenapa aku tanya kau jawab sepatah je?” soal dia bagai membaca apa dibenak aku. “Sebab kau tak jawab soalan aku dulu.” “Alah takkan itu pun nak sentap.” Ketawa. Melihatnya ketawa mematahkan rajuk aku, aku ikut tertawa. Tetapi ada resah pada matanya yang membuatkan aku yakin, ada satu perasaan yg bergejolak dalam dadanya. “Jadi… kenapa kau nak jumpa ni?” aku mencuba lagi bertanya sebelum sepi menyusup masuk. Dan dia balas pertanyaan aku dengan senyuman. Kembali tunduk merenung kaki. You’ve gotta be kidding me.  Did ...

1. I've been thinking of going off the grid so many times. And every single time I set my heart to do so I found out that I just can't stop socializing. 2. Things like Myspace, Friendster, Yahoo! Messenger, Facebook and Twitter etc. always intrigued me. Being a selectively outgoing introvert (I'm just making things up here), cyber space suits me well to keep being the timid me around public and the mulut longkang amongst close friends. 3.Although as you can see those things die out eventually. Like who pakai Friendster anymore? When was the last time you post something on Facebook? Myspace lagilah, tak sempat nak set up account dead already. And YM (oh those days!) is basically replaced by Skype,FB chat, Whatsapp, Line, Kakao Talk and whatever lah that I don't bother to keep up anymore. Ahh the attempt to revive Friendster 3.But my point here is (finally) I envy those who can restrain themselves to only use those things exactly like they should. More o...

So you know Forrest Gump? The scene where he just abandoned everything and just...ran? I feel like doing that now. I think I want to do that. I think I need to do that. So you know Umar r.a? The time when he laughed and cried remembering how he buried his daughter alive? I feel like that now. My body got confused as to what kind of response is appropriate for what I'm feeling. You watched Fight Club? I never really beat anyone nor beaten up by anyone like in the movie. I think I need a good beating right now. Heck,I would pay anyone to beat me up right now. I am sort of empathetic now to those people who cut their wrist.  Or those people who chose random faces to slam their fist. Why people became an alcoholic.  Or a drug addict. Shouldn't I be worried of myself?  Please tell me. Because I dunno anymore

I feel like an old turtle I dived too deep into the ocean I forgot the last time I filled my lungs with air I'm still too far from the ocean bed I dreamed to reach And no where near the surface I desperately need to breath I'm down to the last bit of O 2 . I want to breathe out this CO 2 -filled lungs But I know the vacuum will sucked in the H 2 O Filling every voids with pain What to do, what to do but to cry  But crying feels a bit redundant now eh? What's a few drop of tears to a vast pool of saltwater? This entry is a joke. I am a joke. Ugly skin, flailing flippers, useless shell... What could be funnier than a sinking upturned turtle, die trying to dream big? "When you try your best but you don't succeed, When you get what you want but not what you need, When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, Stuck in reverse"

When I have problems I know no one will care, Or too embarrassing for me to share, At a time like this, Having a best friend is all I wish. Always wanted one, doesn't mean I deserved any.