perfectlyimperfect

Urgh! Entah mengapa datang rasa mengalah Bila yang menguji hanya helaian kertas Selebar dua telapak Mungkin tak keruan kerana teringat ujian yang pertama Hingga melarat ke ujian kedua Ah! Kalau asyik diingat-ingat memang begitu gelojak hati Meragu jawapan yang dahulu Hingga terganggu jawapan yang baharu Bukan aku tak bisa mengulang ingat pesan ibu, " Usah dibincang jawapan peperiksaan!" Ibu, masalahnya ini dunia ramai manusia bijak-bijak Rasanya satu kepuasan agaknya mereka mengulang jawab dengan suara Melihat mereka tersenyum lebar keluar dewan sudah buat aku lemah Dengar sahaja satu patah kata dan angka Aku tahu aku screwed-up Bukannya aku suka berbincang jawapan wahai ibu Dalam kumpulan belajar saja aku cukup malas Tapi telinga ini bukannya semacam mata wahai orang tuaku Boleh dikatup tutup sampai tak terdengar suara Cupingan telinga ini kelopaknya keras menguatbunyi suara perbincangan Tak mampu aku melentur bagai kelopaknya mata Kalau aku menutup telinga dengan tangan Apa

Aku rasa macam bersalah pulak bila tak balik beraya. Alasan aku tak balik- Study, Exams dah dekat. But, looking back for the past few days, I didn't really get anything academical inside of my head. Rasa semacam ada sesuatu yang yang menyumbat salur masuk ilmu dari buku ke otak. Macam oksigen masuk dalam peparu, tapi macam segan-segan pulak nak masuk di celahan hemoglobin darah. Too many distractions I think. Hell yeah too many. Sesi luahan rasa.Ehem-ehem. How would you feel if someone that you cared about disappoints you? Continuously. Intentionally. How would you feel, how would you react? You calculate your every move so that one person will not be dissappointed by you. You calculate your every move even to an extent where you want that person to be happy. But this one person simply disappoints you with unthinkable remarks, unbelievable acts of ditching, hurting, disappointing you- continuously,intentionally. Macam bagi susu, dibalas tuba rasanya. Simply bagi tuba.Continuously

Ah hati yang kotor ini meronta-ronta lagi mengingati kamu. Tak pernah sedikitpun api rindu padamu padam, malah meliuk pun tidak. Ah hati yang dikarat dosa ini mengharap dikifarah Tuhan. Takut terus reput rapuh sampai lupa padamu, patah terjelepuk tak terpangkin. Ah hati ini kian lemas dengan sandiwara satu purnama. Rimas dengan hujan pilu yang merenyai bergerimis, sejuk saja tak mampu tertahan. Ah kepala ini teruji lagi akalnya dek rasa ingin pulang. Tak sanggup kiranya mengguris hati sang tua yang menunggu, apa aku berdosa apa aku derhaka. Ah saudaraku yang selalu amat aku rindukan. Tak sanggup lagi hati ini meneka kemana kau pergi, bila yang tinggal hanya jejak perasaan. Ah apa adakah manusia yang aku bisa percaya, yang sedia mendengar dan bertanya khabar hatiku, kerana yang ada merasa terlalu bersalah mengintai hatiku. Ah Tuhan! Aku perlu teman untuk kucerita semua ini!

Sudah hitam agaknya hati ini Sudah acap dikambus dosa Sudah kelam agaknya dikabus dengki Sudah kerap dihambur dusta Sudah selalu sangat Sampai terlupa tak ingat

Kau hadir dalam jagaku Tanpa pernah aku memanggil Mungkin kurindu kamu bawah sedar akalku Atau mungkin aku yang kau rindu Kau hadir tika kulihat anak kecil ketawa Hadir juga tika angin petang bertiup lembut Bagai rohmu menyatu dalam jasad dunia Setia lagi menghampar kasih,menghilang takut Getar sejuk bayu petang itu mengalir dari urat leherku Terus menekan jiwa batinku, tersedu aku dengan tangis tak berlagu Apa irama yang harus kupilih, Bila masin air mata hanya menambah pedih Teruskanlah kauhadir dalam hidupku, mimpiku Teruskanlah kaudatang merobek lagi luka hatiku Andai kepedihan saja yang mengingatkanku padamu Aku rela ditoreh lagi seribu luka Anak kecil itu masih tersenyum dan ketawa Angin bayu itu masih mengalir di celah leher dan rambutku Engkau masih datang dalam hati dan jiwa Menabur lagi belerang pada luka hatiku Ya Allah! Rindunya aku pada dia!!!

Were you the one I saw waiting at the bus stop? Or the one I caught looking while I shop? Or were you the glimpse I saw disappearing behind the wall? Was that your number in all those strange missed calls? Was that your eyes I saw between books and novels When I go through those library’s bookshelves? Were you the one who said sorry to me For cutting the line because you need to hurry? Were you the one in that late night train? One that was wet of the relentless rain Could you be the one I saw in the crowd crying? One that held a crumpled paper with hands shaking I know we’ll meet someday, Be it a rainy night or a sunny day, I know we’ll meet somewhere, Be it the final train or the next book fair. I don’t who, when, where But this I’m sure: I’ll be there. p/s: Sorry sebab banyak posts seemed to be too personal lately.... Well, I'm back!

Semalam aku intai langit. Cari bintang cerah sebelah bulan. Itu Musytari. Terang tak termalap cahaya bulan, bersinar memantul kuasa mentari. Hantar mesej ringkas pada kakak, "Nak tengok Musytari?" Berbalas-balas mesej ringkas berkali-kali kerana kakak masih tak jumpa bintang cerah. Sini juga nampak walau jerebu. Masakan tak terlihat cahaya terang aneh. Tak percaya agaknya Musytari bisa lihat terus guna mata kasar. Jumpa akhirnya. Sama-sama suka lihat Musytari. Satu mesej sampai. "Terdetik hati aku nak bagitau Iwa...Hmm.rindu Iwa.." Kuintai langit, kulihat kamu

Aku ketawa kuat-kuat Aku senyum luas-luas Adakah aku pura-pura Atau aku memang gembira? Jangan sesiapa tanya aku Aku benar-benar tak tahu Gembira mungkin Lupa kamu,tidak Wahai adik Ketawa suka senyum aku Bermakna aku teruskan hidup Bukan sudah lupa aku pada kamu Kain hitam dan ketayap putih Biar jadi ingatan padamu Biar jadi pengubat rindu Kita jumpa juga nanti Tunggu aku Bila aku tayang kasut raya Converse warna biru... Aku: "Iwa,hehehe..." Adik: "Kenapa tak beli warna hitam?" Aku: "Hitam?urgh..." Adik...kau bagai sudah tahu (",)

Aku percaya Tiada satu batang tubuh manusia pun Yang faham sesungguhnya Isi hati Rasa hati Perasaan hati Hati aku Luka di kaki kiri Tak mungkin kanan merasa Mereka boleh menangis sehabis mungkin Tapi berjurai jatuh pun tak mungkin merasa Pedih dan sesak menahan nafas Dengan dada luka terbuka Kerana itu Aku berpaling pada Tuhan Yang mendengar, betul-betul mendengar Yang simpati , sebenar-benar simpati Tak pernah aku kecewa menghampar derita padaNya Tak pernah beralih sedikit pun, Biar panjang berjela aku mengeluh padaNya Tak pernah berganjak sedikit pun Biar tak teratur baris ayat Dengan hela, esak dan sedu Tuhan jangan Kau tinggal aku sendiri [terima kasih buat teman yang cuba memahami. Tuhan saja pembalas jasamu.] "Bila kau pula nanti terluka nanti, fahamilah bahawa tak mungkin aku faham semuanya, Ceritalah padaku, tapi bicaralah sama Tuhanmu"

Lama tak call rumah. call Emak. Tanya pasal Adik. Tadi mimpi tengah call Emak. Lain macam. Rumah sounded so different . Tak sedap hati. Ada bad feelings. Gotta call ASAP. Stat. Tapi orang cakap, mimpi mainan syaitan. Orang cakap, mimpi is the opposite of what's gonna happen in reality. Emak, pasang volume ringtone handphone kuat-kuat eh. Esok Aja nak call . Expecting good news. It has to be good .

Kadang aku tersadung, Kadang aku mengeluh, Kadang aku meraung, Kadang aku mengaduh Kadang aku tajam, Kadang aku bodoh, Kadang aku diam, Kadang aku seloroh, Kadang aku pendam, Kadang aku rapuh, Kadang aku geram, Kadang aku patuh, Kadang aku pejam, Kadang aku tempuh, Antara kadang dan selalu, Aku bukan itu, Itu bukan aku, Aku antara dua, Tak mahu memilih satu. Tak perlu semua itu, Biarlah kamu keliru, Kerana antara kadang dan selalu, Aku sudah kenal siapa aku. “Dunia mahu kau berubah, kerana mereka percaya kau tak mampu mengubah dunia. Stupid.”

The kind of SMS's that I prefer not having... "Esok ada perjumpaan/program etc. ...Sila hadirkan diri..." Esoknya: Tukang mesej tak datang. Unreplied messages. Too-little-too-late replied messages. Contohnya: "Aku nak pergi bilik kau ni.." Bila dah sampai," Weh aku tak ada kat bilik la.Sori..." "Mahukan video hangat awekz2 cun...SMS LAYAAAAAN... ke 28843" " RM 0.00... 1Malaysia..." "You have insufficient Airtime balance. Please reload your account..." Siapa yang suka, iya tak?

Kadang-kadang aku lupa Aku hanya manusia Aku leka melompat bangga Atas kejayaan yang tak sengaja Aku hanya lelaki Aku tegar meludah ke langit Atas kegagalan yang dirancang sendiri Aku hanya hamba Aku ingkar sang pencipta Atas alasan dunia yang direka-reka Aku lupa berjalan terpasung aku di Bumi Atas kerana diciptaNya graviti sekuat mana aku melompat, aku akan jatuh juga, aku akan sendiri terhina,bila ludah kembali ke muka

Bila hidupmu pilu Ambillah sekotak pensel warna Mula conteng sesuka hatimu Tapi sebelum itu Campak dahulu yang warna kelabu Bila hidupmu ceria Cabutlah kasut dari hujung kaki Berlari ringan di atas rumput Baring sendiri menatap langit Diam. Dan hirup udara sepenuh dada. Bila hidupmu sunyi Lari ke taman sambil menyanyi Duduk dan perhati Kanak-kanak berlari Mengejar buih warna pelangi Then monotonous,now coloured.

[ini juga adalah misi menge- post posts yang menyawang dalam laptop] Wahai Wanita, Anda perlu kuat seperti akar semalu, Walau halus tapi luas dan rapat mencengkam bumi, Anda perlu sedia seperti sedianya semalu, Tajam berduri mempertahan diri Anda perlu ada malu seperti daunnya semalu, Tahu menguncup,perlahan bila malam menjelma, Tahu menguncup,laju bila ada menyentuh. Wahai Wanita, Tutuplah tubuhmu sebagaimana patutnya. Kerana hati lelaki bergetar cukup dengan memandang bayangmu. Wahai wanita, Tutuplah tubuhmu sebagaimana dituntutNya, Kerana Tuhanmu tahu indahnya penciptaanmu lebih lagi dari kamu tahu. Wahai wanita, Andai kamu sudah menutup dirimu,jagalah pula tingkahmu, Kerana gelak tawamu umpama gemersik lagu, Lagak gayamu umpama pelangi berwarna seribu, Yang bisa membuat lelaki warak menatap dan menoleh, Yang bisa membuat lelaki jahat menggetap dan meleleh. Wahai Wanita, Janganlah kaubiarkan mudah lelaki untuk menyentuhmu, Sebagaimana tak mudah kaubiarkan dirimu dicerai dan dimadu.

[ini adalah misi menge -post posts yang menyawang dalam laptop] CINTA Cinta sejati. Cinta yang di antara dua itu, Ada Tuhan dan keberkatan. Cinta yang kekal ada, walau harta sudah tiada, Cinta yang buta, Pada kedut dan hitam rupa. Cinta palsu. Cinta yang di antara dua itu, Ada Syaitan dan Nafsu, Cinta yang banyak mimpi, Sama banyak dengan manis janji, Cinta yang kalau ditalak tiga, Tak mungkin laku untuk dibicara. Cinta yang lagi banyak sentuh tangan, dari patuh pada Tuhan. Cinta itu sejati, Kalau sentuh sayang, Batal wuduk,dapat pahala. Cinta itu palsu, Kalau sentuh sayang, Batal wuduk,dapat dosa. Cinta sejati. Bila berpegang tangan. Andai berjumpa Rasulullah, Terus lepas pegangan, Sebab nak lari ke Rasulullah kerana rindu. Cinta palsu. Bila berpegang tangan. Andai berjumpa Rasulullah, Terus lepas pegangan, Sebab nak lari dari Rasullulah kerana malu. -Peringatan untuk aku. Aku. Aku. dan kamu-

I’m sorry that I hurt you. All the ignorance and silence, Are as hurtful to me as they do onto you. I’m sorry that I hurt you, It’s just that I need some proof, That your attention isn’t some kind of joke, I’m sorry that I hurt you, I live so long hating myself, How am I suppose to believe that you are true, I’m sorry that I hurt you, Your tears and weary stares, Gain me nothing but pain. I’m sorry that I hurt you, When I hurt you, I hurt myself.

If anyone ever ask me How you did you cope with it I would say I didn’t Because at times You’re still in my mind While watching your favourite show, While walking at places we both know, Or while listening to your playlist of songs That I can’t erase from the iPod and phone How can I ever forget you When all I see is you The pencil that you gave The shirt that you chose The stall that you suggested The book that you wrapped There are times when I don’t know myself anymore I don’t know whether my dislikes are all my dislikes Or some of them are yours I don’t know whether my favourites are all mine Or are they all yours So the next time you post your status on Facebook Or when you upload pictures that you took You can be sure that I care to look Yet I have no courage to say ‘Hi’ or to poke Those final days were hard But now it’s even harder What should I do When I saw you at the ATM Or at the cafeteria on 9 AM Should I smile and say hi? Or should I talk a little and say goodbye? [writte

Truth be told, I have no interest what so ever towards the so-called the best sport in the world; football. I still remember calling a friend a poser just because he showed interest in football during World Cup 2006, when he don’t even raised an eyebrow upon hearing the word ‘EPL’ etc. etc. before. My prejudice towards this sport started as early as I can remember the smell of freshly mowed grass on my primary school field. Oh, only God knows how I hate changing into my PJ outfits. Heck, I even hate the whole day if I ever came across the word ‘PJ’ on the schedule. The commotion in the morning to pack the clothes, the muddy field due to last night’s heavy rain, the sticky sweat on my back that will bother me until the last ring of bell; the thoughts were just the perfect breakfast to ruin my day from the very morning. Then the real terror began. More terrorizing than the muddy football field: play football. Having no motor skills, lack of mind-body control, and constant thoughts remind

Andai aku dapat memejal bayang Andai aku bisa menggolek segi Andai aku mampu menyatu debu Andai aku kuasa menegak lintang Andai aku boleh menggelap cahaya Tapi aku tak boleh, aku tak kuasa, aku tak mampu, aku tak bisa, aku tak dapat. sedang cukup payah merentak degup jantung, sedang cukup lelah menetap lebar langkah, sedang cukup susah menghafal bait surah. Hati ini kecoh mendewa diri, Sedang tubuh menggeletar menahan mati. Ampuni aku ya Rabbi

What should I do now that I had lost a bestfriend, and making one eerie enemy. One that knows your every secrets and your hidden personality. Knows how you would react at things, and knows what will hurt you the most. Things cannot be any worst than that. You calculated every move so that there will be no chance you will get hurt,yet you are. An enemy who knows your weakness more than yourself. There you are hoping things will turn out fine, when your old friend turn out to be planning the next move. You will be taken down subtly, yet painfully. I'm going down now. So much that I suffocated with life. Dying because of life, how can you ask to be alive. But ask me if I'm giving up. Well, I'm not even giving in. So watch out you wicked,arsehole, life-sucking, ungrateful forgetful old friend. I will rise up again, and you will be sorry that you messed up with an old friend who knows just as much about you,too. You had crossed the line. I lost my patience. I will not just watch

Sampai satu ketika Sampai satu tahap Sampai satu takat Aku hilang sabar Aku hilang percaya Aku hilang suka Dan aku biar Tak peduli Tak hirau Tak kisah But it came back to me If orang wat salah kat aku Then patut ke aku wat balik Ignoring IS boring

I'm done worrying bout how they would feel I'm done worrying others when I neglected myself I'm done crying,mourning,sighing, thinking Of why so many can't understand That I done no good for reward That I done all of it for nothing That I done all that not for the silly words "thank you" I asked nothing of that What's more to be treated bad When i had just done nice Aku buat baik Ikhlas, kerana Allah Demi persahabatan Aku buat baik tapi dibalas taik Kalau kau tak boleh,tak mampu,tak mahu Buat baik pada aku Jangan la buat jahat pada aku Please... Tak fair Tak fair langsung Ya Allah aku tahu Kau Maha Adil Tapi sebelum Kau adili dia yang menganiaya Bukalah dulu pintu dan mata hatinya Biar dia faham niatku Biar dia mengerti perasaanku Tapi jika penghinaan dan seksaan Yang dia pilih buatku Aku tahu dunia ini bukan penamat Akan ada balasan di hari kiamat Wahai kawan,please la stop it I have no guts to treat you bad back Kalau ada salah silap, Ada dendam kesumat

There's no word to describe a human Once you defined a human I bet he will change In a blink of an eye Or much less than that Orang keliling aku Aku penat Aku tak tahu macam mana nak bagi puas hati Now I'm either alone in my room Or in a crowd of people I cannot understand And I don't know which one of those Make me feel so much lonely Scene: Bilik kosong, bilik penuh Soundtrack: I'm With You by Avril Lavigne

Aku asyik melangkah Garis yang tak boleh dilangkah Mungkin aku salah Memang aku salah Maafkan aku Salah aku Kalau aku ulangi lagi Ingatkan aku Scene: Pushy, Promise-breaker Soundtrack: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon (love this track!) Location: End of the block

I'm sick of persatuan,kelab...they shaded and shadowed the friendship Ketika diri mencari sinar Secebis cahaya menerangi laluan Ada kalanya langkahku tersasar Tersungkur di lembah kegelapan Bagaikan terdengar bisikan rindu Mengalun kalimah menyapa keinsafan Kehadiranmu menyentuh kalbu Menyalakan obor pengharapan Tika ku kealpaan Kau bisikkan bicara keinsafan Kau beri kekuatan tika aku Diuji dengan dugaan Saat ku kehilangan keyakinan Kau nyalakan harapan Saat ku meragukan keampunan Tuhan Kau katakan rahmatNya mengatasi segala Menitis airmataku keharuan Kepada sebuah pertemuan Kehadiranmu mendamaikan Hati yang dahulu keresahan Cinta yang semakin kesamaran Kau gilap cahaya kebahagiaan Tulus keikhlasan menjadi ikatan Dengan restu kasihMu oh Tuhan Titisan air mata menyubur cinta Dan rindu pun berbunga Mekar tidak pernah layu Damainya hati Yang dulu resah keliru Cintaku takkan pudar diuji dugaan Mengharum dalam harapan Moga kan kesampaian kepada Tuhan Lantaran diri hamba kerdil dan hina

The New Dictionary of Modern Moslems Says... Sin: Something we don't like when we think about having it, but love it when we we're doing it. Taubat: An act of stopping doing something sinful, especially on bad days (exams,quizzes, getting sick etc.) Solat: An act of worshipping Allah, usually once a week on Friday,but sometimes not at all. Doa: A prayer which usually done in hesitance after solat, usually because of having things to do more important than doa itself. Aurat: (1)Parts of the body which should only be covered when there's a need to (kelas agama,orang mati,nak menikah etc.) (2) Parts of the body which should be covered,with what ever materials we think appropriate (tight clothes, sheer clothes, air) (3) Parts of the body that should not be watch,or touched by non-mahram, yet can be watched in pornographic materials or touch when you are 'about' to be a mahram (boyfriends, girlfriends etc.) Religion: A believe that should be, well, believed, not practice

I wrote and deleted for more than three times today. Guess God don’t give me much of ilham because I did terrible on the 4th – 8th day of mission. To say the least. Right now, I don’t have the courage to write anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I can’t. Right now i just want to take some time for myself,be alone for a while and muhasabah [ i did my muhasabah with my blog] What happened during the five days? Lemme just say that I lost focus gradually- and today is the worst. Ever. Or just imagine me before,one with no mission. That’s my terrible five days. Okay-lah. I don’t want to delete again. Salam. Next post will be tomorrow insha-Allah. I hope so. P/S: It's hard if you fight it. Just...blend in. “If she won’t leave your thoughts even when you try to keep her away, perhaps the answer lies in keeping her closer to your heart.” -Remus Lupin-

Too busy working on my life...my mission. Till I can't up date it here.See? It's 2 am now...And just for a while,a moment... Jangan marah Orang yang marah hanyalah orang yang lemah Tak cukup kuat melawan emosi Jangan dendam Orang yang berdendam hanyalah orang lemah Asyik mengadu kerana tak tahan ujian Bersabarlah Orang penyabar adalah orang cukup kuat menahan marah Cukup faham pula, yang ujian itu hanya ujian [ingatan buat aku yang lemah dan salah] maaf aku bila aku marah maaf aku bila dendam teman

DAY 3: KATA+BUAT+DENGAR = KETEGAQ Sundays start lazy and end up busy. After spending day lazily, you will realize how busy you are at night when you start to remember of all works and assignments, tests and quizzes that lie for another 5 days to come. Day three was no exception. And I feel bad to say that, my Sunday didn’t start good. Going to change that though. You can’t lose your 40 days mission just because of a lousy devil and some sleep and dreams. Malam ni tidoq awai na? Mission I set for day three is: to hear only good things. To say only good things. To do only good things. It sounded like ABC or 123 or alif,ba,ta; but believe me, it was such a rocket sciences. Till now, I still cannot decipher the holy code of how can I avoid hearing, saying and doing bad things. And oh, i had try the “ choose your friends wisely”. What I’m saying now is the few cases that words slipped out of my mouth, or slipped into my ears. May God help me with this. Or should I wear mask and earphone

DAY 2: MUALLAF It was raining all day. As if God blessed me and my mission. And I’m sure He is. The sky is grey with rain clouds, yet the subtlety of the sunray hitting the ground gave me a glimpse of hope. That today things will be just fine. And so it was. One of the highlights for day two is I finally watched late Yasmin Ahmad’s film – Muallaf. A bit too late eh? Some of the jokes are cheesy, but as long as they are funny, who cares? But the main theme might be new,or radical to some. How the film discussed the questions of religions baffled me. The film was controversial at one time, that it was banned. Was. Well,watch it yourself. It is not as bad what as what I expected. But certainly it was better than films that show 99% social ill, 1% moral value(s???). Who loves sarcasm,go watch Muallaf. One clear lesson l learnt today is; to be able to change and be good, choose your friends wisely. Be choosy, not picky.Yeah, I can’t understand that last line either, huhu. All I

I'm going on my 40 days mission.A 40 consequent days mission. A mission of me, finding Him. May he give me the chance to stand still to the very end, the 40th day. DAY 1: I GOT MY HAIR CUT It was a rainy Friday , when this crazy thoughts came to me , of me going on a 40 days mission. This is so crazy to me, that if you noticed, i already said 40 for the fifth time. It is not the mission that sounded crazy, it's the length of time . You see, I can't even keep my promises for more than a week. and 40 days? that's almost 6 weeks!!! this mission I imagined to be torturous at first, and I think it will slowly change me to (I hope) a better me. why 40? : I've heard this one, that says " If we were to be able to create a habit, it will be after 40 days. something like that. why now? : why not now? how? : determination. yang tak berbelah bagi . unconditional determination . and putting this on the blog, is just one determination. Just to kick-start this mission, i

Dear friend, The ignorance and the silence They never bug me no more Because they are killing me The look in the eyes The unexplainable, uncomfortable gestures Just a very much murderous reminder That I’m not needed no more I hate the roller-coaster so much now Because I’d be damned if I drop low After I’m at high Dear friend, my dearest friend You don’t need to worry about me anymore Because you hearing me keeps bugging me, of why you treat me good When so many else don’t I’m sorry if this hurting you I never meant to Dear friend, Having you as my friend Is one huge undeletable spot in my mind One huge too in my heart Maybe because we have so many fond moments together Or having too many boring moments too, together Or maybe of the twin thingy between us You may wonder why I wrote this But please, If by any God’s-will chance that I’m dead after this Don’t you ever tell Kosmo! that I know that my time has come Death’s painful enough without the cheesiness Guess what? After rereading t

Sometimes it is just not enough To give in That’s why I think I’m giving up The last time I checked I had hole for my heart When I’m chasing shadow One that I shouldn’t chase For one too many For one too long

Adakah aku perlu menanggung seorang Apa yang terlihat mata ketiga ku Mata yang memandang tembus Jernih atas niat dalam hati manusia Berikan aku satu insan Nescaya dapat aku baca jiwa kotornya Akan terselami niat buruknya Dari wajah terkerut dahi Atau gelisah goncangan kaki Lalu adakah perlu aku menanggung seorang Rasa syak dan was-wasku Hanya kerana dunia tak bersedia Menerima teguran dan halangan Tuhan,kenapa kau beri aku mata yang ketiga ini Scene: Meeting Lokasi: Koridor, Boardroom Soundtrack: Cancer by My Chemical Romance Nota kaki dan lutut: kita bias bila situasi itu punya kita dalamnya. Aku tak enak begitu. Aku buka mulut. Zass!zass! Perkataan aku dicantas. 2 kali. Hampeh tol.

Syoknya hidup ini Sejak aku senyum dan melupakan Tiada lagi belenggu masalah Sekarang aku layak Join Cirque du Freak Atau the Carnival [of Heroes fame] Atau team penari Lady Gaga Sebab aku sekarang freak Sebab sekarang aku pelik Sebab aku kini manusia aneh Aku manusia Penelan Sengsara "Ladies and gentleman......... ...I'm the Painkiller Man! !!!" Scene : Sarkis Soundtrack : Bad Romance by Lady Gaga Author : http:// ashoulderon.blogspot.com

I still remember the day It was raining heavily Yet here we are together Under the pouring rain My hand holding yours Yours holding mine We held our hands so tightly That our palms are dry So tight that I can't breathe For right now I need no air more than I need You With hands clasping We walked blindly through the rain Drenched and cold To a place we don't decide Because I'm right here at the place I should be Right here on your side Now let's run together Because the rain was about to stop Let's run under the next gray clouds Because I need more of You Because I need more rain to hold your hand Author : http://ashoulderon.blogspot.com Scene : Two people, Rain and Gray Clouds Soundtrack: Standing in the rain by Jamie Scott and Town

Rasanya aku tak pernah buat dia macam tu.Tapi sampai hati, susu dibalas tuba... mungkin kerana aku begini,aku disangka mudah dipermain,diperbodoh,diperolok tak sangka bila dunia memandang aku dengan jelingan yang sinis dan aku mengharapkan lindungan dari dia yang aku dapat hanya penghinaan yang maha dahsyat bila kawan bukan lagi kawan aku pulang pada keluarga tapi bila keluarga bukan lagi keluarga aku mati akal nak pulang ke mana padan muka aku ambik kau Naja terimalah balasannya note: aku balik awal ke kampus.sebab aku dah malas nak berbantah bertelagah di rumah. di sini biar aku sendiri. lagi baik dari ada company yang membengkakkan hati. Rugi tiket rm 30++

Who,me? Are you sure you want to say that to me? Are you really sure? That you want your mouth to be ripped like I'm peeling bananas Now stop saying that You know how I hate it Now You saying it out loud I'm not really sure You are Aku benci jadi muda Kerana yang muda Selalu salah di mata yang tua Jika tidak sentiasa Pengalaman bukan diukur zaman Pembarisnya bengkok Lain manusia lain bengkoknya Tapi manusia jenuh melurus pembaris itu Aku dihina kerana usia aku Kurang sedetik dua Tiada wajar dan warasnya Aku dihina luaran Dalam ini yang terkesan Aku pura-pura punya cengkerang Yang buat lagi jelas aku hanya nyawa lemah dalamnya Sekarang berhenti Berhenti hina aku Atau aku robek engkau macam kulit pisang Noktah ashoulderon.blogspot.com

i'm afraid if i write too much nobody will ever done reading i'm afraid if i write too less nobody have anything to read it's a paranoia it's a phobia or it's just that i'm just -- afraid.

Father Forgets Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside. There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor. At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, 'Goodbye, Daddy!' and I frowned, and said in reply, 'Hold your shoulders back!' Then it began all over again

"Misty" My name is Misty I'm only three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have Made my daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse, My name he calls, I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes, I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping, He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me a

14 Feb Tak sabar tunggu Nak tengok Ada x orang yang kemaruk menyambut Tanpa tahu sebab menyambut Hari 14 aku nak tgk Lebih banyak merah kah? Atau lebih banyak hitam berlilit putih kah?

Soundtrack: I Go by Pete Teo Scene : Hujan renyai waktu petang Hujan-hujan petang macam ni buat aku teringat zaman aku kecik-kecik dulu. Senangnya hidup tak ada masalah, pagi petang bermain,kadang-kadang sampai kena turut dek emak yang dah mencekak pinggang, baru ingat balik rumah. Kalu dulu tengah main kat laman jiran,dengar je bunyi hujan dari jauh,semua lari macam toyol, “Lariiiiiiiiikkkk!!!!! Hujan kejar kitaaaaaaa.......!!!!!” Ingat benda-benda remeh macam ni,buat aku senyum sorang-sorang. Kalau kecik dulu, kalau Kakak tak jerit, “ Doremon nak start!!!!!!” selagi tu lah tak balik. Budak kecik,sembahyang Maghrib bukan agenda yang perlu difikir. Dalam kepala,sikit-sikit Doremon,Ultraman,Power Rangers, Tomatoman etc. etc... Rasa nak balik semula zaman gemilang kanak-kanak ni. Dalam hati takde kotor,apa yang dirasa itulah yang dikata dan dibuat. Tengoklah budak-budak kalau gaduh, sekejap je lupe dan baik semula. Umpannya kadang-kadang hanya main guli atau

Apa yang aku kejar Semua bertempiaran lari Semua yang aku impi menjadi ngeri Semua yang aku rancang tak menjadi Aku tak mahu kejar lagi Aku tak mahu mimpi lagi Aku tak mahu rancang lagi Biar masa yang menentukan Biar saat yang membezakan Biar malam yang menghilangkan Biar siang yang menerangkan Biar angin yang membawa Biar ombak yang melayar Biar air yang menujah Biar burung yang berkata Biar tanah yang menetap Biar ruang yang menyaksi Biar pokok yang mengikat Biar manusia yang melakon Biar aku menghabis Biar aku mengeluh Biar aku membisik Biar aku menjerit Biar sahaja matahari terbit Biar penat biar sakit Aku akan kekal di sini Mengaeluh,membisik,menjerit Biar aku Tak merancang Tak bermimpi Tak mengejar Noktah.

Jalan ulang alik Pikir ulang kali Stadi ulang kaji Penat

Stop I said to myself ''Never!'' myself said to me And I said no more To weak I am To not able to fight Of my own want My own need My own quest My own dream Stupid me

What ever I do People find fault As if they are experts Of what i'm doing So I put my hands on my ears So I'm alone again So I can do what I want Period

Today: Test Organic Chem This Week: Futsal. ~~hujan~~ Y_Y This Month: Belanje banyak This Year: Sama dengan di atas sbb taun ni baru sebulan Life: Clueless. Tak de matlamat (" --)

Susah sangatkah Nak cari kawan yang baik Yang bila gembira Ketawanya bersama Yang bila berduka Adanya bersama Susah sangatkah mahu jumpa rakan yang setia yang rela membela tak kenal derhaka aku hanya mahu teman yang percaya aku bila semua berkata aku tiada gunanya aku hanya mahu kawan yang berkata, "Naja,dia boleh buat semua tu" "aku percaya dia,dia takkan putus asa" "beri dia sedikit peluang dan ruang" "sedikit lagi masa,dia bisa" Aku hanya mahu kawan yang mengerti bahasa derita aku Jika tak bisa dia mengerti derita aku Dulu aku bukan duka begini aku tak pernah duka begini dulu aku rasa sendiri, tapi masih ada teman yang rasa sekali Kini aku rasa sendiri tetapi yang ini memang benar sendiri Kerana dulu kawanku adalah aku serupa wataknya sama deritanya Tapi kini aku tinggal sendiri Aku tinggal aku kerana aku mencuba hidup dengan suasana beda bercampur baur jenis dan ragam aku ketap aku genggam Aku beranikan pilihanku Tapi aku kecewa Aku hanya mah

Baru-baru ni Aku selalu pikir dulu Baru cakap Sebab mulut aku lancang Tapi pikir dua kali pun Kadang-kadang x cukup Jadi sekarang Aku pelik Orang cakap Tanpa berfikir

Didn't I say so? The cycle will be complete. Again I'm having my happy life again. You know that old story.. going nice n bad,back and forth with my best friend. But I know this smiles and laughter Will not last long Just have to enjoy it right now Before it turns into thin air in God knows when For now Let me just smile and laugh more For I give another three days for this to last Wait and see When will this vampire friend of mine Sucking my life Again Hate you life-sucking vampire

Satu hari aku bangun Aku jaga dengan dua kepala Aku bukan lagi manusia Aku bukan manusia biasa Aku manusia bermuka-muka Aku mungkin nampak baik dari luar tapi aku jahat sebenarnya Aku mungkin nampak jahat dari luar tapi aku lagi jahat sebenarnya Aku suka betulkan orang Padahal aku salah Aku suka salahkan orang Padahal aku tak betul Tak betul laku Tak betul kepala otak Badan aku tak boleh lagi tanggung dua makhluk Muka aku dah lesu pakai topeng baik Aku dah penat Aku dah letih Jadi makhluk dua kepala

Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah,Lagi Maha Mengasihani. Katakanlah (Muhammad), "Dialah Allah,Yang Maha Esa." "Allah tempat meminta segala sesuatu" "(Allah) tidak beranak dan tidak pula diperanakkan " "Dan tidak ada sesuatu yang setara dengan Dia" al-Ikhlas. Allah is ours.

it is always about me the problems... i am a problem magnet sadly i dunno how to demagnetized myself cuz i am an unpredictable magnet that changes its pole unpredictably once i understands the problems from south i'm changing into north in a snap i can't go repeating the same thing again and again it's not like it's the hardest problem ever men encountered people says problems give you strength, that if you pass it,you'll be just fine but in fact this weaken me i'm weak cuz i know the pattern i'm weak cuz i know when will it come i'm weak cuz i know how it will end,and start all over again and still i can't do nothing to stop it the cycle one really sick cycle and it really scares me when i said i can't do nothing bout it [and what the heck am i doing posting dis too early in the morning??!!!I'm sick!]

can't take it no more. the way I was treated lately Just too much But the world says, '' Don't you ever cry.'' I can't cry cuz i'm a man How sick is that?

Sometimes I feel like stopping having more friends, because what I do have now, are already out of hand. All these will sound mean, I still love you all my friends, But lemme define what is mean See, I have this one friend who kept changing mood, I thought I know everything bout this particular friend, but in fact, I don't. Early days of our friendship, I can say I have finally found The Best Friend ~sigh it wasn't for long, till I made a mistake. Back to be just another ordinary friend if not confidante and I thought all was forgiven I thought so, should my heart grew fond over my forgiven brutal acts, my everyday life starts to decay,rot and me~ crippled by day by you my ex best friend Okay,best friend no more I want to be a best friend is what you did not allow, so I accepted that reluctantly coz i've sinned but now I don't think you yourself allow it You kept me in a cage where I cannot make new friends and when I'm trying to, you go senile The formula is easy m

me and my past years never have been good tried but what can i do just don't really can stick to my resolution urgh,that 10 letters word made me feel like vomiting already it is just too big a word to be digested for a year i'll try though but right now lemme rest for a while just too lazy to even raise a finger to change 'i' to 'I' new year wudda ya mean to me???