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Tuesday, May 28

Frenemy

There's no mistake when you signaled that you don't want me around.
It was your signature cocktail of hate, rejection, distance and disgust.
The unmistakable face contortion you displayed when I was a step too close into your invisible radius of comfort,
triggered an instantaneous reaction of mine, which you can't detect, because my reaction of choice is more endothermic than exothermic. I rather be mad at than to be mad. My poker face is really bad when it's bad, but when it's good you have no way of telling. I bet you never know what I'm feeling that time, didn't you?
Good, because I don't want to give you any satisfaction from your grand retaliation.
You bet underneath I'm hurt. Who won't after the unnecessary overly-amplified gesture of eff off?
I won't describe what kind of pain I've gone through for fear you might read this (no, I bet my life you won't) and gain instant pleasure from it, but let's just say such treatment coming from a person you consider a friend, the pain was bad.


But like pulling off a magic trick, I rose from the ashes as majestic as a flaming phoenix, 
I was so bright I swear you squinted your eyes, 
so hot that I remember seeing you taking a step back,
so unexpectedly I caught you off-guard. 
It may be my imagination, but it's my imagination and you know what, you can never take that away from me *flips hair*
 

But magic is nothing but a trick of eye. Miraculous to the audience, hard work to the magician. 
What I pulled off was no sorcery but I can assure it was as impressive as intricate system of ropes and pulleys, 
more of a play of physique than physics, 
more psychology than psychic. 
And when the curtains parted, I exuded the confidence of Houdini that I can literally feel confidence oozing out of my follicles. 


It was unexpected of me (from your standpoint at least). It was sweeter than revenge. It was a reversal. And you, my friend never prepare for reversal.A statement of "I don't need you, you need me."


You see, when people throw you out of their life like the butt of cigarette, a reversal is what you should do. Not revenge. Definitely not blaming yourself. If you yourself value yourself no more than a cigarette stub, than why would anyone expect more of you?


So what I did was proving myself (not you) that I can live happily even when our Venn diagrams don't overlap *o yeah math reference* And sure enough like a real gentleman you claimed you are, you decided to show off your own version of happiness around the selected few of your classy friends, but uh uh you are fooling no one because yours is faux happiness, mine is real.

And before long, someone that's not me had decided to redraw his Venn diagram. Huh.


p/s: This is one of the "what the heck did I write" entries which I decided to publish anyway because I spent so much time on it oredi. Muahahaha.


Tuesday, May 21

Ocean

It was brief.
A second of infatuation.
Followed by another second of hesitation.
Then the next by desperation.

It's just a gentlemanly gesture.
A kind help to a stranger.
But one thing set this one apart from the other.
That love was in the air.

It was obvious that love was in the air.
But I was engulfed by a monstrous wave of self-doubt.
The split second of hesitation drifted me miles away.

And in the vast ocean,
I am once again,
alone.

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