Di sini aku coret,lakar,conteng,lukis,catat,tulis,leter,bebel,sindir,ukir,pahat,tekap,warna cerita hidup aku

Saturday, March 27

DAY 9: What Am I Doing?!

The New Dictionary of Modern Moslems Says...

Sin: Something we don't like when we think about having it, but love it when we we're doing it.

Taubat: An act of stopping doing something sinful, especially on bad days (exams,quizzes, getting sick etc.)

Solat: An act of worshipping Allah, usually once a week on Friday,but sometimes not at all.

Doa: A prayer which usually done in hesitance after solat, usually because of having things to do more important than doa itself.

Aurat: (1)Parts of the body which should only be covered when there's a need to (kelas agama,orang mati,nak menikah etc.)

(2) Parts of the body which should be covered,with what ever materials we think appropriate (tight clothes, sheer clothes, air)

(3) Parts of the body that should not be watch,or touched by non-mahram, yet can be watched in pornographic materials or touch when you are 'about' to be a mahram (boyfriends, girlfriends etc.)

Religion: A believe that should be, well, believed, not practiced.

Husband: A man who is legitimate to touch his wife after nikah, but also touched his wife before that.

Wife: A woman who is legitimate to touch her husband after nikah, but also touched her husband before that.

Love: (1)Something our hearts feel before nikah,but not after that because we have seen everything before nikah.

(2) Something our hearts feel for a long time after nikah, because we choose to save the best for the last (love after nikah)

Curse: Something good to say when at mad or not,because it makes you feel so much a macho men. It usually involves explicit body parts (refer to aurat). Curses are uttered when the definition of sin was not known or care.

Dating: please refer to the word 'mating' in any dictionaries.

Da'wah: Something really wrong to do and never should be done, with hikmah or not. It should only be done by a group of people called tabligh not moslems.

Maksiat: Something not really wrong to do, so it is okay to do it.

Hell: A really cool place to be in.

Heaven: (1) Pubs, discos etc.

(2) An unknown,unimaginably good place, but still cannot be any better than heaven (1)

Friday, March 26


I wrote and deleted for more than three times today. Guess God don’t give me much of ilham because I did terrible on the 4th – 8th day of mission. To say the least.

Right now, I don’t have the courage to write anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I can’t. Right now i just want to take some time for myself,be alone for a while and muhasabah [ i did my muhasabah with my blog]

What happened during the five days? Lemme just say that I lost focus gradually- and today is the worst. Ever. Or just imagine me before,one with no mission. That’s my terrible five days.

Okay-lah. I don’t want to delete again. Salam. Next post will be tomorrow insha-Allah. I hope so.

P/S: It's hard if you fight it. Just...blend in.
“If she won’t leave your thoughts even when you try to keep her away, perhaps the answer lies in keeping her closer to your heart.”
-Remus Lupin-

Scene: Pesta Konvo dan 100Plus
Soundtrack: Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne

Thursday, March 25


Too busy working on my mission. Till I can't up date it here.See? It's 2 am now...And just for a while,a moment...

Jangan marah
Orang yang marah hanyalah orang yang lemah
Tak cukup kuat melawan emosi

Jangan dendam
Orang yang berdendam hanyalah orang lemah
Asyik mengadu kerana tak tahan ujian

Orang penyabar adalah orang cukup kuat menahan marah
Cukup faham pula, yang ujian itu hanya ujian

[ingatan buat aku yang lemah dan salah]

maaf aku bila aku marah
maaf aku bila dendam

Monday, March 22



Sundays start lazy and end up busy. After spending day lazily, you will realize how busy you are at night when you start to remember of all works and assignments, tests and quizzes that lie for another 5 days to come.
Day three was no exception. And I feel bad to say that, my Sunday didn’t start good. Going to change that though. You can’t lose your 40 days mission just because of a lousy devil and some sleep and dreams. Malam ni tidoq awai na?
Mission I set for day three is: to hear only good things. To say only good things. To do only good things.
It sounded like ABC or 123 or alif,ba,ta; but believe me, it was such a rocket sciences. Till now, I still cannot decipher the holy code of how can I avoid hearing, saying and doing bad things. And oh, i had try the “ choose your friends wisely”. What I’m saying now is the few cases that words slipped out of my mouth, or slipped into my ears. May God help me with this.
Or should I wear mask and earphone the next time? Hmmm... sounded radical but it may work. :-p

Kenapa aku berkata
Bila yang terpancar hanya hina
Kenapa aku mendengar
Bila yang kudengar hanya fitnah

Kuambil kedua tangan
Kututup cupingku kuat
Kuketap bibirku ketat
Kupejam mataku rapat

Lalu aku dengar cahaya

Scene: Meja, Kopi dan Sembang
Soundtrack: Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

Sunday, March 21



It was raining all day. As if God blessed me and my mission. And I’m sure He is. The sky is grey with rain clouds, yet the subtlety of the sunray hitting the ground gave me a glimpse of hope. That today things will be just fine. And so it was.

One of the highlights for day two is I finally watched late Yasmin Ahmad’s film – Muallaf. A bit too late eh? Some of the jokes are cheesy, but as long as they are funny, who cares? But the main theme might be new,or radical to some. How the film discussed the questions of religions baffled me. The film was controversial at one time, that it was banned. Was. Well,watch it yourself. It is not as bad what as what I expected. But certainly it was better than films that show 99% social ill, 1% moral value(s???). Who loves sarcasm,go watch Muallaf.
One clear lesson l learnt today is; to be able to change and be good, choose your friends wisely. Be choosy, not picky.Yeah, I can’t understand that last line either, huhu. All I can say is, when you want fun- go to your bubbly,cheerful friends. If want you attention and help- go to your sympathetic,emphatic friends. Befriend your friends, but never unfriend a friend.To my friends:

Love is contagious
Like us
Life is suspicious
Of us
Lanes are spacious
Before us
We are the first
Then us

Scene: Rain and Rays
Soundtrack: Us by Regina Spektor

End of part 2 of 40

Saturday, March 20


I'm going on my 40 days mission.A 40 consequent days mission. A mission of me, finding Him. May he give me the chance to stand still to the very end, the 40th day.


It was a rainy Friday, when this crazy thoughts came to me, of me going on a 40 days mission. This is so crazy to me, that if you noticed, i already said 40 for the fifth time. It is not the mission that sounded crazy, it's the length of time. You see, I can't even keep my promises for more than a week. and 40 days? that's almost 6 weeks!!!

this mission I imagined to be torturous at first, and I think it will slowly change me to (I hope) a better me.

why 40? : I've heard this one, that says " If we were to be able to create a habit, it will be after 40 days. something like that.
why now? : why not now?
how? : determination. yang tak berbelah bagi. unconditional determination. and putting this on the blog, is just one determination.

Just to kick-start this mission, i know i need to do something radical (and ridiculous) that will remind me of how important this mission is, everytime i think about it. and i thought, " my hair. my long hair. i'm going to cut it. that's it."

So now everytime I look into the mirror, you can be sure I sighed and moaned.

This is me finding love,
This is me finding peace,
This is me determined,
This is me at sure,
This is me.

Hey, this is me-lah,Naja. What? Oh,this?Yeah, my new haircut. You like it? Thanks.

nota kaki.dan lutut: Ramai pandang tak puas hati je kepala aku sekarang. Haha! I'd be furious if I got that look before. Strangely enough, I felt satisfied now rather than going berserk. Tengok la rambut baru I puas-puas. btw, i made that love shape poem accidentally. really.I swear in the name of my sweater.

Thursday, March 18

Anak Polis

Dear friend,
The ignorance and the silence
They never bug me no more
Because they are killing me
The look in the eyes
The unexplainable, uncomfortable gestures
Just a very much murderous reminder
That I’m not needed no more
I hate the roller-coaster so much now
Because I’d be damned if I drop low
After I’m at high

Dear friend, my dearest friend
You don’t need to worry about me anymore
Because you hearing me keeps bugging me,
of why you treat me good
When so many else don’t
I’m sorry if this hurting you
I never meant to

Dear friend,
Having you as my friend
Is one huge undeletable spot in my mind
One huge too in my heart
Maybe because we have so many fond moments together
Or having too many boring moments too, together
Or maybe of the twin thingy between us
You may wonder why I wrote this
But please,
If by any God’s-will chance that I’m dead after this
Don’t you ever tell Kosmo! that
I know that my time has come
Death’s painful enough without the cheesiness
Guess what? After rereading this out-of-the-blue post
I really felt it sounded completely gay
Thanks my friend
Thanks for making me one
Right before I die
Jeez.... sigh~~


Sometimes it is just not enough
To give in
That’s why I think
I’m giving up
The last time I checked
I had hole for my heart
When I’m chasing shadow
One that I shouldn’t chase
For one too many
For one too long

Monday, March 8


Adakah aku perlu menanggung seorang
Apa yang terlihat mata ketiga ku
Mata yang memandang tembus
Jernih atas niat dalam hati manusia

Berikan aku satu insan
Nescaya dapat aku baca jiwa kotornya
Akan terselami niat buruknya
Dari wajah terkerut dahi
Atau gelisah goncangan kaki

Lalu adakah perlu aku menanggung seorang
Rasa syak dan was-wasku
Hanya kerana dunia tak bersedia
Menerima teguran dan halangan

Tuhan,kenapa kau beri aku mata yang ketiga ini

Scene: Meeting
Lokasi: Koridor, Boardroom
Soundtrack: Cancer by My Chemical Romance

Nota kaki dan lutut: kita bias bila situasi itu punya kita dalamnya. Aku tak enak begitu. Aku buka mulut. Zass!zass! Perkataan aku dicantas. 2 kali. Hampeh tol.

Thursday, March 4


Syoknya hidup ini
Sejak aku senyum dan melupakan
Tiada lagi belenggu masalah

Sekarang aku layak
Join Cirque du Freak
Atau the Carnival [of Heroes fame]
Atau team penari Lady Gaga
Sebab aku sekarang freak
Sebab sekarang aku pelik
Sebab aku kini manusia aneh

Aku manusia Penelan Sengsara
"Ladies and gentleman.........
...I'm the Painkiller Man!!!!"

Scene : Sarkis
Soundtrack : Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
Author :