Di sini aku coret,lakar,conteng,lukis,catat,tulis,leter,bebel,sindir,ukir,pahat,tekap,warna cerita hidup aku

Monday, November 30

Jangan Sampai Aku Biasa Begini

I'm now living in a world where I don't have a complete control of the world. It's very uneasy to handle the world which revolves so differently everyday.

Everyday I have to avoid myself from touching the skin of the different sex. Because my work requires me to move at a full speed pace. Sometimes my hands got to far front... But that not what i cannot control. It's not my biggest prob though.

The bigger one is to handle people who,how can i say this--- have less understanding of the limit of man-woman relationship. Owh, i got to deal with this everyday. And to tell them without telling. To tell them without hurting their heart. And to save them their face(s?)... Aku tak nak jadi biasa perempuan datang dan tepuk tampar belakang aku. Aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk dekat gile. aku tak nak jadi biasa ditenung lama-lama. aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk satu meja bersilang kaki, aku tak nak jadi biasa ketawa gelak kah kah kah sam-sama. aku tak nak jadi biasa bercinta itu aku pandang dan halalkan. aku tak nak jadi biasa tersentuh disentuh..

And now I got the chance to mingle with everybody..... i mean EVERYBODY. I now knows a LOT of people of many kinds. Yang senyap,yang peramah,yang matang,yang childish, yang bercinta, yang BENCInta, yang tutup kurang,yang tutup lagi kurang, yang miskin,yang kaya, yang ambitious,yang tak pikir langsung bout future, India, Cina, Melayu......and it is so warm to understand that they are all have hearts so nice and good. all genuine in their own ways. I cannot judge them the way i judge them before. A lot is so nice,but just like I said- have little understanding. And to know them like that, just revealing myself to myself,that I am not so near to perfection. not fact I know a lot less than them. i am too having little understanding.Tapi bukan bermakna aku jadi biasa dengan semua..aku tak nak jadi biasa mengelat,mencarut dan menipu. aku tak nak aku jadi biasa lihat manusia makan dan minum makanan yang tiada hak baginya...

Payah betul nak control pace dunia ni. and the people moving it. and myself who lives in it. Aku punya prinsip, a never-written ones. and now i got to change it, alter sikit bagi muat dan sesuai.
Somebody help me handling the world!!!

Sunday, November 22


aku bekerja jadi cashier dah beberapa hari.
dan mata aku terbuka.
ragam manusia yang beribu-ribu.
aku miliki semua.
this is just a story bout one customer,one human~ which resembles me much.

i just started to open my counter, when came arrive this one woman, mid forty i think with her mom,as old a lady could be.granny badan membongkok ke depan. and i am astonished of how rude this lady to me,and everybody.

She insisted to put her items on two separate bills,one credit,another cash. with a smile on my face, i followed her want...
there...... paid. And then so suddenly she hand out two coupons. rm4 coupon, and a discount on an item,expiring tomorrow.

And i said,i cannot do anything bout that,politely.

and rudely she says, "macam mana ni? awak tak boleh buat macam ni. kamu delete balik."...

then i said, "tak boleh kak,kalau boleh saya dah buat's not in my hand to do this."

And she insisted on getting them.owh so rude i felt blood rushing to my head.FYI,it is her fault to came out with the coupon so should be before she gave her card. rasanye die baru x sengaja jumpe kupon tu dalam handbag. oh she is so rude,and customers started to accumulate behind.

Scolded by my manager over her fault i felt nothing but terrible. this woman even scold me over something irrelevant.urgh i hate this woman. i do everything she said,and again scolded by my manager over tha woman's order.can't keep my anger, i express my anger to the woman. she was stunned.shocked.

it ended that way. with a few details. i can't stop hearing her scolding her own mom... another bill was paid by her mom,berkira gile la gaya die,macam mak die bagi pasir masa bela die sampai besar.

"mak nak bayar sekarang ke nak bayar kat rumah????!".half shouting.oh so rude.

aku boleh nampak garis sedih kat wajah mak die.

and in the woman i can see me. do i ever be that rude to anyone?and to my mom. sadly i think i do. and that maghrib i prayed. and remembering the old lady and her daughter, it brought tears to my eyes.

Mak.i will give the gaji to you can go haji.lama dah mak nak pergi.because i am sorry.
because i love you.

Thursday, November 5

Aku lebih kuat dari ini

For days i kept on worrying over my friendship.
And for days i was in state of mourn over potential lost of a friend.
More than before i cried and scream.
I shivered and stammered.
I stuttered and shut.
Welled up in my chest, and my eyes,
are nothing but fears and tears.
And then I found God.
I prayed in my prayer on a praying mat,
I cried in front of Him,
Told him anything and everything,
Asking for help and rescue,
Two hands over my face, and with tears rolling down the cheeks,
I questioned Him over the unbearable pressure,
I asked Him whether I did anything wrong.

He answered nothing.
He just gave a smile on my friend's face the next morning.


...Dan bahawasanya kepada Tuhanmulah kesudahan (segala sesuatu).
Dan bahawasanya dialah yang menjadikan orang tertawa dan menangis.
Dan bahawasanya dialah yang mematikan dan menghidupkan...
[anNajm : 42-45]