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NAJNAJAKIA BLURGG

Di sini aku coret,lakar,conteng,lukis,catat,tulis,leter,bebel,sindir,ukir,pahat,tekap,warna cerita hidup aku

Tuesday, December 31

House

I moved out to somewhere closer to my workplace. So Emak and my sisters came to visit my house. I think my house is pretty decent, and it can be awesome if you really look at it with an open mind.

The rent is considerably cheap since it's in Shah Alam. That includes air and api. Plus there's fridge, stove and washing machine. On top of that there's a flat HD TV with Astro Beyond for some astronomical high definition goodness (pun intended). There's internet too, although it would be awesome to have Unifi I have no complaint using the current continental-drift-slow Streamyx. Really, what more could I ask for?

But obviously, Emak has a lot more to ask for.

And this opinion of hers resonates with of my sis'. One step into the house, my sis said this house screams BUJANG. Well, in my defense I am. So there's that. Retrospectively, that's probably the first thing that crosses my mind too when I first stepped through the door.

And then there's this talk about natural “air flow”. Yeah, I pay my rent exactly for that. Airrrrr flowwwww. Come on. RM250 per month kot. I have one friend who pays RM200 per head per month per room he share with three other. Yup, that's four people in one room. Not a house, a room. Good luck getting the 'natural air flow' there. Even if you cannot find any natural air flow, you might be lucky getting some 'natural gas flow', if you count that as being lucky lah.

And then they commented on something about the sweet aroma of my house. About the musky smell of real men, real sweat, the odour of toughness from armpits so bushy that just won't quit. The fermented scent of manliness that seeps through every cracks and crevices of the house, signalling date-ability to every girl(s) next door living next door. So masculine that it resembles pheromone, it's like a calling to all the Jennys from the block. This house is like a laboratory of Axe deodorant only it requires no twist at the top, and lasts forever too not just mere 8 hours. An aroma so maleficently male, malevolently men, maliciously macho it send jolts of electricity to females olfactory sensory. I can't quite find a word that can describe the aroma, but according to my family it's universally known as... kepam.

There's more comments after that but eventually my family left, we go our separate ways with opinions on the house unresolved.

So the last time I met my sis, she told me that right after she left that day, her 5-years-old son asked her something.

"Ummi, kenapa Pak Su tak ikut? Tu rumah dia ke rumah kawan dia?"

"Tu rumah Pak Su lah..."

"Ye ke...Kesiannya. Rumahnya... buruk sangat."


Fin.

Sunday, December 22

Hate

I hated it when people are so careful around me.

I hated it when people are carefree,
when they are not around me.

I hated it when they calculated their action
because of my past reactions.

I hated it when I have opinions on everything
even when there's no one asking

I hated it when I’m too scared of giving opinions
because I used to have too many opinions.

I hated it when I cannot find the balance,
between talking too much and being too silent.

I hated it when I’m expected to be loud,
when it’s expected I’m most spiteful at my loudest.

I hated it.

I hate me.

Tuesday, December 17

Office

“Pinjam stapler boleh?” tanya aku, gugup.

“Apa dia?” balas Siti, matanya masih di monitor komputer.

Stapler tu...boleh saya pinjam?”

“Oh, ambillah, ambil. Setakat stapler tak payahlah mintak-mintak izin.” balas Siti sambil tersenyum, matanya terpicing, nakal. Pantas dia sambung menekan-nekan papan kekunci.

“Habis apa je yang kena mintak izin? Klip kertas? Kertas A4? Gunting? Gam?” tanya aku sambil mengepil kertas-kertas A4. Bergurau tapi sebenarnya nak tahu jugak.

Siti berhenti menaip. Kali ini dia badannya ikut pusing dengan jeling matanya.

“Amboi amboi amboi. Kalau sampai boleh senaraikan barang-barang dalam kedai stationery, takkan tak pandai nak beli sendiri?” Serius wajah Siti buat aku cuak. Kalau tak kerana decit tawanya selepas itu, boleh terkencing aku ditenung begitu.

“Orang main-main je la.” Sambung Siti lagi, mungkin sebab jelas terbaca perkataan 'CUAK' di muka aku.

“Ambil je. Bukan orang punya pun, company punya.”

“Oh, ada bagi eh? Saya tak dapat pun.”

“Orang dah lama kerja sini je dapat. Budak baru tak boleh. Bos tak bagi.” Jari telunjuknya digoyang ke kiri ke kanan. Matanya dibulat-bulatkan. Comel. Macam hamster.

“Macam apa?” tanya Siti mengejutkan aku dari lamunan. Damn, aku cakap out loud ke?

“Takde. Mana ada saya cakap apa-apa.” Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

“Eh tak mengaku pulak. Awak cakap macam hampeh kan, kan? Orang report kat bos, nak?”

“Mana ada la. Saya cakap macam...macam hipster.”

“Bos! Budak baru ni cakap bos macam hipster!”

“Oi!” Separuh menjerit aku mendengar gurauan Siti yang tak kena tempat.

Dari hujung pejabat terdengar bunyi daun pintu Encik Daud terkuak. Aku dah tak senang duduk. Aku buat-buat memandang monitor komputer, tapi dari hujung mata aku aku tahu Siti sedang tersengih-tersengih.

“Siapa yang cakap aku hipster?”

“Budak baru ni bos. Hahaha.” Kurang ajar kau Siti kenakan aku.

“Mana ada encik. Memandai je Siti ni.”

“Iya bos. Dia cakap tadi.” lawan Siti sambil terkekeh-kekeh ketawa.

“Aku tengok korang ni kan...macam couple dah. Bergurau senda. Usik-mengusik. Aku kahwinkan korang nanti baru korang tahu.” Encik Daud ketawa besar sambil berjalan ke pantri meninggalkan kami berdua.

Tawa Siti terhenti sejak mendengar gurauan Encik Daud. Aku beranikan diri menjeling sesaat ke arah Siti. Mukanya jelas merah padam di bawah cahaya lampu kalimantang yang menerangi ruang pejabat. Dia marah ke? Ke segan kena bahan dengan Encik Daud?

Ah sudah. Kalau merajuk habislah. Rajuk perempuan bukan boleh dibuat main. Takkan sebab Encik Daud aku yang kena pujuk?

Sekali lagi aku mencuri pandang Siti, kali ini sesaat lebih lama. Aku lihat badannya mengecil, jari jemarinya bermain-main dengan hujung kain tudung. Aku tak pasti betul atau tidak, tapi aku rasa aku nampak ada sedikit senyum terukir di hujung bibir Siti.

Sunday, December 15

Siti, Bad & Man

Bibir Man bergetar-getar. Penumbuknya digenggam sampai timbul urat. Pembuluh darah matanya jadi merah pekat. Hidungnya kembang kempis menahan marah.

Marah sungguh. Tak pernah aku lihat rupanya sebegini bengis.

Aku tepuk-tepuk dan genggam bahunya kiri kanan.

“Sabar,Man.”

Dia toleh dan jeling aku, lantas ditepis tangan aku, melayang.

“Kau apa tahu?”

Berundur aku setapak dua. Terkejut satu,takut pun ya juga. Man tak pernah sekasar ini dengan aku.

“Kau orang senang. Apa yang kau tahu?” serentak itu mata Man berkaca. Herot-berot mukanya menahan tangis.

“Apa ni Man? Kita dah lama kawan. Kau tahu aku tak kisah benda-benda macam tu.”

“Aku kisah. . Siti kisah. Mak bapak Siti kisah.”

“Man...” Mati bicara aku. Man bukan orang yang senang dibawa bincang. Dalam situasi begini lagilah.

Nak tak nak aku kena tolong Man. Tapi aku perlukan penjelasan. Aku seluk poket seluar mencapai telefon bimbit. Aku tinggalkan Man yang masih cuba mengawal tangisnya. Aku dail nombor pertama dalam senarai: “Awek Man Mxs.”

Dering pertama. Dering kedua. Dering ketiga. Klik.

“Hello, Siti. Ni Bad. Aku ada benda nak tanya ni.”

“Hello, Bad ya? Ni bukan Siti. Ni Mama ni.”

“Mama? Macam mana Ma dapat phone Siti ni? Siti mana?”

“Siti ke bilik air. Mama tengah ajar Siti macam mana nak masak favourite food anak Mama.”

“Jap. Siti kat rumah kita? Kenapa Mama ajar dia masak pulak?” Aneh.

“Alamak. Pecah rahsia Mama. Hahaha.”

“Rahsia? Rahsia apa Ma?”

“Bad kata Bad tak kisah kan siapa bakal menantu Mama? Jadi, Mama Papa setuju nak ambil Siti.”

“Maksud Mama, Mama nak kahwinkan Bad...dengan Siti?” Aku sangkakan aku berbisik, tapi mendengar suara aku sendiri di dalam telefon aku sedar aku lebih menjerit dari berbisik.

Aku berpaling mencari Man.

Man betul-betul belakang aku. Air matanya mengalir deras. Tapi ada sesuatu yang tak kena. Man menangis, tapi wajahnya bukan sedih. Wajahnya bengis, lagi bengis dari tadi.

Sebelum sempat mulut aku berbunyi, penumbuk Man yang digenggam erat dari tadi singgah tepat di pipi kiri.
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