Di sini aku coret,lakar,conteng,lukis,catat,tulis,leter,bebel,sindir,ukir,pahat,tekap,warna cerita hidup aku

Friday, November 30


Aku pemuja malam cerah.
Lembut sinar sang bulan.
Kerdip cahaya  bebintang.
Bayang-bayang yang kelam.
Sahut-sahut unggas berlagu.
Dingin bayu yang berlalu.
Kelip-kelip cuba sembunyi.
Cengkerik tak henti berbunyi.
Dan degup jantung yang selari.

Thursday, November 15


Dear You.

How are you doing? I hope you're doing fine without me. What about chasing your dream that you always told me? I'm hoping that doing fine too. 

Hey you, I'm sorry that I didn't write you any sooner. I've been caught up in busyness. Unlike you, I still cannot find the rhythm and pace of my everyday routines. I'm still the mess that I was before. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming on top of my lungs from the same nightmares that I had the night before. Sometimes, the nightmare stops only to be replaced by sad dreams, so sad that I cried in my sleep. I know I cried because when I woke up, the pillow was damped or I had tear lines drawn horizontally on my cheeks. Sometimes I cannot get out of the bed in the morning, because I was still trying to sleep. Because I'm too tired of not sleeping the night before. Don't worry though.

Hey you, in case you want to find me, I'm still working at the the place we first met. Memories huh? We can go to that coffee shop at the corner of the block and talk for hours like we used before. But I guess I have to  pass on the coffee and watch you enjoy it instead because my doctor said caffeine wouldn't help with me trying to sleep. Yes, that same panel doctor we only go for getting MC. And last week, he prescribed me with another kind of sleeping pills because the last two didn't seem to work. You were right when you joked about him, maybe he is a fraud after all. Ha ha.

 Hey You, except for that man you married, all of our friends are still working there, and so do the boss; that sweet old lady. Although, last month she said she's going to cut my salary if she caught me staring again at the computer doing nothing. Doing nothing!? Doing nothing she said!? Maybe she ought to look back at the fact that I was Worker of the Month for three months when you're still here. She may be sweet but she is one very forgetful lady. In my defense, I wasn't really staring at the computer. I accidentally opened a folder where I put our photos. How can looking at photos translated into staring at the computer?

Hey you, you want to hear something funny? Last Thursday, when I was waiting for the bus to go home, I thought I saw you at the other side of the street. I called you and waved my hands but you didn't seem to notice. Ha. You must had been so preoccupied with texting on your phone. I thought you hate texting. But anyway, since you didn't notice, I shouted your name louder and then suddenly I heard screeches of tires and cars honking at me. When I realized what happened, I was on the street with people cursing and screaming at me. When I'm done apologizing, you were already gone. What were you doing here, three hours from your home anyway? Funny eh?

Hey You, I'm afraid that I missed you. I know you don't want to hear this, and I don't want to burden you with it either. But I don't know what else to do. You see, I'm writing this three in the morning, on the eleventh day of sleepless nights. Yes, I don't get any sleep at all for eleven straight nights. It was two nights at first. But the nights between two sleeps becoming longer lately. I'm afraid I'm going senile.

Hey You, I hope you don't take this letter too seriously. I just have to get things out of my chest. That's all. Sorry for taking some of your time to read this crap. 

Until then, goodbye.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, November 13


I'm going to leave my past here,
loads that were neither needed nor wanted,
loads that have been dragging me slow,
loads that have been spinning me out of control.
And jump to the other side,
where I believe the grass greener,
the air sweeter.

I'm about to take a leap of faith.
This is me taking a few steps back.
This is me gaining momentum.
This is me murmuring prayers.
This is me taking a deep breath.

This is me, believing myself.

Wednesday, November 7


Mungkin bagi kau aku mudah diperalat. Hanya kerana aku lebih mudah menurut, semua permintaan aku tak diendah. Hanya kerana aku sering memulakan langkah, mudah untuk kau mengatakan "tidak".

Dalam pelbagai kesilapan yang kau lakukan sepanjang hidup kau, memandang enteng nilai diri aku adalah kesilapan kau yang terbesar. Ya aku menurut, mcam lembu bingai dicucuk hidung. Ya aku mengalah, bagai pesalah yang diacu pistol.

Jika kesalahan terbesar kau adalah memandang rendah padaku, memandang diri kau lebih tinggi adalah permulaan kepada penyesalan seumur hidup engkau. Kau lupa mungkin, lembu yang dicucuk hidung itu punya upaya untuk menanduk dan memijak tanpa dijangka. Kau lupa juga, aku bisa saja mengilas tanganmu dan tak perlu aku terangkan lagi pistol itu kini diacu ke kepala siapa.

Kau mungkin bijak mengambil kesempatan, tapi kau bodoh bila engkau sangka aku seperti yang engkau jangka. Tidak, aku bukan mengumpul daya untuk bertindak, aku sudah punya itu. Tidak, aku bukan juga menunggu masa yang sesuai untuk engkau lalai, kerana engkau sudah pun lalai!

Tidak, aku hanya membiarkan engkau menikmati saat-saat engkau berada di atas. Manis bukan? Ya,aku akui melihat engkau senyum kepuasan melihat aku dipermain cukup menjengkelkan. Tapi aku rela menggadai, oh tidak, melaburkan sedikit kegembiraan aku kerana aku percaya detik untuk aku menggulingkan kau dari takhta sudah terlalu hampir.

Aku sudah lama bersabar, apalah sangat menunggu sedikit lagi masa.

Please, enjoy your time, I insist :)