Di sini aku coret,lakar,conteng,lukis,catat,tulis,leter,bebel,sindir,ukir,pahat,tekap,warna cerita hidup aku

Wednesday, December 23

Jahatnya Aku

Have been very jahat lately ...
As if I'm immortal
As if I'm invincible

Dan adapun orang yang kitabnya
Diberi ke tangan kirinya
Maka akan dia berkata

"Alangkah baiknya jika
Kitabku tidak diberikan padaku
Hingga aku tak tahu
Bagaimana perhitunganku
Wahai,kira mati penyudah segala sesuatu
Tiada sedikit berguna bagiku
Telah hilang dariku"

"Tangkaplah dia!"
"Lalu belenggu tangannya ke lehernya!"
"Lalu campak ke dalam neraka yang menyala-nyala!"
"Lalu belit dia dengan rantai tujuh puluh hasta!"


Friday, December 18


Enjoying every minute of my life today
As if there's no tomorrow
Eating out today
Futsal tomorrow
Make jokes of everything
And laughing about anything
I love my friends
I think I wouldn't be me without them
and they wouldn't be them without me- I hope
I don't want to have regrets anymore
Live my life to the fullest
and never get tired of it
urgh,got to tidur!
There's futsal tomorrow!

Monday, December 14

Afraid to Fall

Aku pernah rasa dulu
Rasa bahagia merasa cinta
Rasa paling kuat aku sangka
Aku terdiam bila aku tersilap
Aku senyap bila aku tahu
Rasa bila didusta itu lagi kuat
lagi pedih

Jadi aku sekarang cuba lari
kerana aku tak boleh melupakan
lari itu tak selesaikan apa-apa
Tapi cukup baik untuk aku tidak berduka

Rasa itu bukan lagi satu kepentingan
Sampai aku perlu rasa pedih
dan tak mahu hidup lagi

Jadi aku pilih tidak hadapi realiti
Dan mengelak setiap kali
Aku masih rasa apa yang pernah aku rasa
Tapi tidak kuat sampai aku pedih

Susah untuk mengelak dari merasa yang dulu
tapi mungkin lebih baik begitu
Dari berterusan mengharap dan mengharap.
Dan mengharap.

Cukup kali ini
Aku tak mahu lagi
Aku akan terus buat tak tahu
Buat hal aku
Cakap bila perlu
Tegur bila mahu

Aku tak mahu dia rasa apa aku rasa
tapi kalau rasa apa salahnya haahaha
Baru dia rasa apa aku rasa
Biar dia jatuh
Biar dia takut
Takut untuk jatuh

[Sori,the stupidest post ever,because aku bodoh biar aku jatuh.Bodohkan?}

Sunday, December 13


Room Sweet Room
Sampai gak akhirnya
And as I turn the door knob
I think I had this really strange,eerie feeling.
There,piles of stuff.
On the bed.
Under the bed.
Beside the bed.
On the table.
Under it.
Locker unlocked.Obviously by me.
Obviously because I can't.
Obviously too much stuff stuffed inside it.
At least it is obviously obvious to me.
And one pile of clothes
Bersih,tak bersih? I can't differentiate
It's been one hell of dusty month.
and one hellish cobweb month too.
And I swear I saw like three cockroaches.
And another two.dead.

So I started to kemas like for 24 hours.
Literally speaking.
I started like 2 pm yesterday
And now it's 2 pm today
My lapytopy all dusty.
Blogging in after-dust.
Dusty,cobweby post.

So just now I took a big chunk of baju.
Into a relatively small washing machine.
And do you know what.
I saw the 6th roach.
Worst part? Dead.
Between my bajus.

Hear ye!hear ye!
Roach the Sixth is dead.

[ The Karkozia thingy? Have ever watch The Terminal? Tom Hanks? Airport? Well,I watched it again last night. Sounded appropriate and rhyme-y, isn't it? ;-) ]

Saturday, December 5

New Moon.New Azam.

I was at the most boring counter,where the number of human coming to pay is eerily similar to the number of my fingers.and toes.
Pen in hand.I started to scribble things empty-mindedly. The past.scribble.present.scribble...And then came the future.
From scribbling,now I'm jotting down my mind. This is serious man! [last ayat credited to my first annoying customer]
So this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years.

1. Take piano lesson. Just love piano.
2. Take Taek Won Do class. HaiyaAaaaaAAa!!!!!!
3. Staying fit.or better yet- Put up some muscle.
  • push-up and sit-up
  • jogging
  • futsal
  • eat well
4. Learn to draw and paint. Professionally.
5.Actively blogging,which I'm trying hard now.
6. Study like never before.
7. Kahwin. Seriously.

I better done this quick,because I'm putting this public.
World....see me achieve all this.But now got some customers to be 'entertained'.

Yes sir? Lubricant? $29.95. Ka-ching! Thank you Sir. Come again.

Kawan UntuK Hidup- frens for life

learnt a lot in just one day.
hanging out with frens. trouble i'm in...tapi xde yang sincerely tolong.
aku jarang nak mengungkit,tapi nak wat camne,dissappointed gile.
so today aku ter-mengungkit to them.i feel like a monster doing that.sigh.
and i can now know what kind of people i wanna b fren with.for life.

b4,every fren is a fren.
now,i know i cannot be fren with everyone- in da sense of >>> FOR LIFE.
yeah i can tolerate with each and everyone of my frens.but frens dat share some intimacy(in a good way,note dat), understand what we feel, what we need,to have that mutual needs and feelings, is just rare.

dats why i still now termenung at exceptional nights...thinking of how glorious my days at school with frens so mutual.em em.and do some salty water accumulate near my eye-bagged eyes at exceptionally horrible nights.

end words so cliche- if only i could turn back time.

Tuesday, December 1

Sembahyang Itu Susah

Seriously susah....Susah gile nak sembahyang. For a few reasons...

  1. Surau is a Never-neverland. or more accurately Far-far-awayland. Jauh gile,i have to make a complete 'lap' to reach it.The shortcut was cut short. By the authorities. For safety reasons.Huh...?
  2. The time is short. because it was given by a sick employer, very sick in this case. Islamophobic?
  3. The employer is so mean , i had to be interviewed before i can sembahyang. With questions so rude, and rules too kuku besi. examples:
"Berapa kali you nak sembahyang?"
"Berapa lama kamu sembahyang?"
"Tunggu. Takde orang nak ganti kamu...(padahal Maghrib nak abes)"
"Jangan lama sangat ye?"..(padahal bagi sembahyang lambat)
"Mintak kat orang lain." (tiba-tiba takde kuasa,control)
"Kenape tak sembahyang siap-siap sebelum kerja?" (hello? kerja pukul 4,Asar 4 setengah)
Bila untung dunia dikejar-kejar....camni la.kebajikan pekerja lebur cam eskem lambat scan.
Tapi ada gak yang surrender dengan all this crap rules. Or maybe surrendered looooong ago. With or without the rules. Sigh.

Monday, November 30

Jangan Sampai Aku Biasa Begini

I'm now living in a world where I don't have a complete control of the world. It's very uneasy to handle the world which revolves so differently everyday.

Everyday I have to avoid myself from touching the skin of the different sex. Because my work requires me to move at a full speed pace. Sometimes my hands got to far front... But that not what i cannot control. It's not my biggest prob though.

The bigger one is to handle people who,how can i say this--- have less understanding of the limit of man-woman relationship. Owh, i got to deal with this everyday. And to tell them without telling. To tell them without hurting their heart. And to save them their face(s?)... Aku tak nak jadi biasa perempuan datang dan tepuk tampar belakang aku. Aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk dekat gile. aku tak nak jadi biasa ditenung lama-lama. aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk satu meja bersilang kaki, aku tak nak jadi biasa ketawa gelak kah kah kah sam-sama. aku tak nak jadi biasa bercinta itu aku pandang dan halalkan. aku tak nak jadi biasa tersentuh disentuh..

And now I got the chance to mingle with everybody..... i mean EVERYBODY. I now knows a LOT of people of many kinds. Yang senyap,yang peramah,yang matang,yang childish, yang bercinta, yang BENCInta, yang tutup kurang,yang tutup lagi kurang, yang miskin,yang kaya, yang ambitious,yang tak pikir langsung bout future, India, Cina, Melayu......and it is so warm to understand that they are all have hearts so nice and good. all genuine in their own ways. I cannot judge them the way i judge them before. A lot is so nice,but just like I said- have little understanding. And to know them like that, just revealing myself to myself,that I am not so near to perfection. not fact I know a lot less than them. i am too having little understanding.Tapi bukan bermakna aku jadi biasa dengan semua..aku tak nak jadi biasa mengelat,mencarut dan menipu. aku tak nak aku jadi biasa lihat manusia makan dan minum makanan yang tiada hak baginya...

Payah betul nak control pace dunia ni. and the people moving it. and myself who lives in it. Aku punya prinsip, a never-written ones. and now i got to change it, alter sikit bagi muat dan sesuai.
Somebody help me handling the world!!!

Sunday, November 22


aku bekerja jadi cashier dah beberapa hari.
dan mata aku terbuka.
ragam manusia yang beribu-ribu.
aku miliki semua.
this is just a story bout one customer,one human~ which resembles me much.

i just started to open my counter, when came arrive this one woman, mid forty i think with her mom,as old a lady could be.granny badan membongkok ke depan. and i am astonished of how rude this lady to me,and everybody.

She insisted to put her items on two separate bills,one credit,another cash. with a smile on my face, i followed her want...
there...... paid. And then so suddenly she hand out two coupons. rm4 coupon, and a discount on an item,expiring tomorrow.

And i said,i cannot do anything bout that,politely.

and rudely she says, "macam mana ni? awak tak boleh buat macam ni. kamu delete balik."...

then i said, "tak boleh kak,kalau boleh saya dah buat's not in my hand to do this."

And she insisted on getting them.owh so rude i felt blood rushing to my head.FYI,it is her fault to came out with the coupon so should be before she gave her card. rasanye die baru x sengaja jumpe kupon tu dalam handbag. oh she is so rude,and customers started to accumulate behind.

Scolded by my manager over her fault i felt nothing but terrible. this woman even scold me over something irrelevant.urgh i hate this woman. i do everything she said,and again scolded by my manager over tha woman's order.can't keep my anger, i express my anger to the woman. she was stunned.shocked.

it ended that way. with a few details. i can't stop hearing her scolding her own mom... another bill was paid by her mom,berkira gile la gaya die,macam mak die bagi pasir masa bela die sampai besar.

"mak nak bayar sekarang ke nak bayar kat rumah????!".half shouting.oh so rude.

aku boleh nampak garis sedih kat wajah mak die.

and in the woman i can see me. do i ever be that rude to anyone?and to my mom. sadly i think i do. and that maghrib i prayed. and remembering the old lady and her daughter, it brought tears to my eyes.

Mak.i will give the gaji to you can go haji.lama dah mak nak pergi.because i am sorry.
because i love you.

Thursday, November 5

Aku lebih kuat dari ini

For days i kept on worrying over my friendship.
And for days i was in state of mourn over potential lost of a friend.
More than before i cried and scream.
I shivered and stammered.
I stuttered and shut.
Welled up in my chest, and my eyes,
are nothing but fears and tears.
And then I found God.
I prayed in my prayer on a praying mat,
I cried in front of Him,
Told him anything and everything,
Asking for help and rescue,
Two hands over my face, and with tears rolling down the cheeks,
I questioned Him over the unbearable pressure,
I asked Him whether I did anything wrong.

He answered nothing.
He just gave a smile on my friend's face the next morning.


...Dan bahawasanya kepada Tuhanmulah kesudahan (segala sesuatu).
Dan bahawasanya dialah yang menjadikan orang tertawa dan menangis.
Dan bahawasanya dialah yang mematikan dan menghidupkan...
[anNajm : 42-45]

Thursday, October 8

long time no see

its been long did i write.

its been tough.all are. life.relationships. study. eat. iman.
everything became tough. no matter how carefree i am.
i have it all, and i forget Him at all.
life's too much drama. i direct it. produce it. wrote the script. everything. now i am pressured over stress i created.
stupid life.stupid people. stupid me. really. it is me who's stupid.
i gotta go home. my old me. this is not me.

i want it all.i have it all.and now i hate it all

Saturday, August 15

im half awake,half asleep

in a small room
make me realize of the time
and money spent
alone in the dark
shadows and spark
all entwine into one
one malaysia
aku mengarut cam org indonesia arghhh

Sunday, August 9

SINGLE but NOT AVAILABLE (now I understand this line)

Akhirnya termakbul jugak hasrat aku.aku single.tidur atas katil single.makan craft single...dan sekarang aku duduk BILIK SINGLE!!! Yahooooooo!

For more than one year i had live with my coursemate, having ups and downs, disagreements (double lock the door or just once), agreements (on airwick aroma gel,beds arrangements),
pow-mengepow each others food,now i had to go to a new room.

Mixed feelings-lah. Sedih ke happy sebenarnya? Well, I cannot accurately describe this because it is emotion. Emotions are not based in science. And if you can’t quantify or prove that something exists… in my mind it doesn’t.
[last 3 lines credited to Scarlet of G.I Joe]. Just blend it,and grind it, and digest it Naja!

Lepas ini, it is all up to me. Subuh kena pasang alarm, study and assignment kena
alert. Its kinda scary on second thought of this living alone thing.It's going to be HARD. but I'm not gonna regret on what I think right for me. Not before I try living alone. Hecks! Naja never equals to give up. Anybody living in single rooms, tips please...

-currently Boom Boom Pow-ing,the bass gonna rip my eardrums-
and sorrymy italics gone crazy. ridiculously crazy.mix lagi bahasa.


Sunday, August 2

Mr Commitment is Dead

aku sekarang makin malas liat nak bagi komitmen. group work English aku lost. bertekak bertikam lidah segala.
kelab yg aku masuk makin aku pinggir.
makin lama makin mengosong komitmen aku.
aku jadi bebal dengan amanah
aku makin tebal dengan ala kadar aku.gitu-gitu je.asalkan jadi.
semua benda jadi half-heartedly done.or maybe less than half. aku memberontak.aku marah dengan diri aku, lalu aku marah dengan sekeliling.
aku tak boleh putus semangat time aku tengah bersemangat. aku tak boleh hilang support whhen the job requires support. bila aku jadi ketua group, aku jadi memberontak kalau ada yang wat slek.buat separuh hati.
sekarang aku yang separuh hati.
biar orang tahu apa rasanya dilayan begitu.satu sem aku jadi gila sebab ni. aku tak nak jadi gila lagi sem ini.
aku tak larat lagi jadi semangat bila yang lain,mcm aku sekarang,ala kadar.gitu-gitu.asal jadi.
Beri petunjuk Tuhan,adakah aku begini kerana aku suka melihat yang lain terseksa, atau memang kerana aku dah tak punya upaya?

Tengok.aku muram lagi.

Someone hurt me,then someone heard me

Aku tagih simpati Tuhan,
Tuhan beri aku simpatiNya...
melalui seorang kawan.

Ini doa yang aku diberi:

"Ya Allah,

Tuhan semesta 'Alam,

Yang PadaMu segala kemampuan,

Dan padaMu jualah segala keampunan,

Dengarilah suara hati para hambaMu yang hina ini,

agar kami tidak terlindung dari hidayah, rahmah dan 'inayahMu Tuhan.

Ya Allah,

sesungguhnya hambaMu ini telah menzalimi dirinya sendiri,

dirinya penuh noda dan dosa,

hatinya busuk sekali,

Alpa dan lalai,

tetapi pada tika ini terdetik di hati kami untuk memohon ampunanMu Tuhan,

janganlah Engkau pinggirkan diri kami yang jahil ini Tuhan,

kerana tanpaMu hidup kami tiada ketenangan dan arah tuju.

Ya Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim,

jiwa ini kotor dengan maksiat dan dosa,

hati ini penuh dengan hasad dengki dan rasa cintakan dunia,


mati itu kami takuti dan kami jarang ingati,

Ampunkan diri kami Tuhan,

walau selayaknya kami diseksa di neraka,

namun ya Allah,

dengarilah rintihan hati-hati kecil ini yang terlindung di sini.

Ya Ar-Rahman,Ya Ar-Rahim,Ya Al-'Aziz,

limpahkanlah hati-hati kami dengan hidayahMu,

jauhkan lah kami dari terus bergelumang dalam hidup penuh dosa,maksiat dan penyakit hati ini,

Kami dambakan kasih sayangMu Tuhan.

Dengarilah suara-suara tangisan hati kami Ya Allah.

Ampunilah dan kasihanilah kami, Tuhan."

Terbit embun panas,terkumpul tak jatuh.

Kemudian katanya, "ati ko lembut.make sure isi dgn agame tau.tu je pesan aku."

"lg satu.please please please jangan kapel nanti ati rosak. rugi ko nanti. sebab nanti jarang ingat Tuhan."

Kawan aku masa sekolah. Kawan aku di dunia. Akhirat.

Aku akan cuba menjadi sebaik kau gambarkan aku,kerana aku tak sebaik gambaranmu.

Embun tadi menimbum,nak memecah.tak sempat.

Aku seka dengan jari.aku senyum kembali.

Terima kasih Tuhan,simpatiMu sampai pada aku

Saturday, August 1

A very H-one-N-one-ic Evening

hari ini lain bagi aku
aku bangun petang
dan aku rasa pilu
pilu tengok cahaya senja
pilu tengok orang merata-rata
dahi aku berkerut
mata aku berembun
tangan kanan aku genggam ujung bantal
genggam kuat-kuat
tangan kiri aku mengurut tepi dahi
aku tak tenang
banyak beban di bahu perlu aku tanggung seorang
aku cerita,orang tak dengar
aku pekik, orang pekak telinga
aku jerit, orang jerkah balik
tak payahlah aku cerita
masalah kecil kita
kecil di mata orang
masalah besar kita
kecil lagi di mata orang
biar aku pendam dulu
cukup masa aku luah pada Tuhan
Dia tahu aku
Dia dengar aku
aku sayang Dia, Dia sayang aku
aku sayang manusia, itu aku tak tau
Tuhan, aku sujud pada Kau malam ni
kejut aku ya

Friday, July 31

Supersonic ZUPP!!!

Macam lagu Black Eyed Peas it wasn't lah. aku nak pergi Senai lepas ni. Hantar kawan aku balik Penang. katanye nak jumpe awek die.awek die cuti~ UiTM kan kena H1N1,so cuti seminggu. Mentang2 esok takde lab, bley plak travel ke Utara dari Selatan nak jumpe awek. Naik flight lagi. Itu baru kemaruk cinta namanya.
Alang-alang aku nak buka le satu kisah tentang cinta kawan aku dengan awek dia ni. Macam drama TV beb...tak tipu pnye.Belum cerita dah meremang bulu tengkuk. Geli!

Babak satu bermula dengan si Hero dan Heroin belajar dalam kelas yang sama di sekolah menengah. Tak pernah tegoq!(terkeluar plak Utara). Sungguh sikit pun tak pernah.

babak dua.Dan bercintalah hero ni dengan sorg lagi classmate girl ni. si heroin menjadi Posmen (or should i say poswoman) antara dua serindit berkicau heroin tolong pass surat dr yg betina ke hero...

Babak tiga. clash-lah si hero ni dgn yg betina atas sebab musabab yg tak pasti.imagine the worst la,baru best. lalu terjatuh cinta la si poswoman aka heroin dgn si hero aka kawan aku. apekejadasnyes...maybe yg heroin selalu bukak surat si hero kot, terpana dan terkesima pula dgn kelembutan tutur kata, ketulusan hati sang hero.ntah ler.

babak flashback ni.sebelum berputik rasa drama.ada flashback lagi you... ada la sekali budak pompuan kelas si hero nak menghias kelas,mintak duit nak pasang skirting kat meja, konon lawa la kot.ape la pki skirt x tutup aurat meja tu...ha,aku ngarut. ok back to the cerita... yang hero xnak la bayar duit kat bendahari kelas.dia la kepala dongga yang hasut dak2 laki xyah bayar duit.habis bergaduh la lelaki dan wanita kelas tersebut...maybe ada scene gaduh tarik rambut kot,tp maybe si hero malu nak cerita kat aku.ok xpe, kita assume je ada.kata lagi la x bercakap si hero-heroin. dulu maybe ada cakap time mintak pinjam pemadam, skang dah takde...

Pelik tak camne diorang boleh cintan-cintun.padahal bertahun sekelas tapi tak pernah tegur ni. pelik2.

Dengarnya nak kahwin dah la ni, kahwin cepat-cepatlah. lagi bagus. lama-lama ni setan suke. banyak ruang nak buat dosa. mintak simpang...

p/s: this post should be posted yesterday night,ada meeting plak.sowi... [find the same post on my another blog, ]


OK. i have to be frank.aku memang pemalas. so i need a solution. a quick solution. a remedy. a prescription. a dont-be-lazy drug by non other than me. so i made it. The Potion (oh that's so Harry Potter like). It will work like wonder. At least aku rasa camtu.
Well, it isn't something that i can eat or something. It's a timetable. Huh....?A timetable, that's really a wonder.
One question that would pop up in heads of whom that know me well enough would be, "ko bley ke ikut timetable Naja?"Hahaha....
Well, I doubt myself....isk,uuuuuu. So why the sHEll i create it.

I think i did because i think i can. People can change in seconds. Who knows that the second would be the second that i created this oh-so-perfect-now timetable. my life my rules. Apa aku kisah?Cak cak cak! [ayat trademark credited to Azwan Ali(?) ]

Wish me luck.May the force be with me [ i found this ayat so religious,don't cha think?]

Thursday, July 30

ALololololo... Baby baru..kiutnyerrr

Kiut en blog a baby..ahahahahaha...

title paling propa aku bley pikir...baru nak start blogging, macam banyak masa plak aku ni.kalau ikutkan assignment byk lagi tak disiap, revision tak mula-mula lagi, test dah dekat...
Look how much i sacrifice for this baby of mine....alololololoooo...

University life cant be anymore harder, so why confine myself rite? Blogging ni buang sket pressure dalam life aku, makes me forget the harshness of life (aichehh!!).worth the time spent

Hoping the commitment for this baby come along easy with time.takut kang bersawang berhabuk blog ni nanti.ahahahha...wish me luck