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Saturday, August 3

Off The Grid

1. I've been thinking of going off the grid so many times. And every single time I set my heart to do so I found out that I just can't stop socializing.

2. Things like Myspace, Friendster, Yahoo! Messenger, Facebook and Twitter etc. always intrigued me. Being a selectively outgoing introvert (I'm just making things up here), cyber space suits me well to keep being the timid me around public and the mulut longkang amongst close friends.

3.Although as you can see those things die out eventually. Like who pakai Friendster anymore? When was the last time you post something on Facebook? Myspace lagilah, tak sempat nak set up account dead already. And YM (oh those days!) is basically replaced by Skype,FB chat, Whatsapp, Line, Kakao Talk and whatever lah that I don't bother to keep up anymore.

Ahh the attempt to revive Friendster

3.But my point here is (finally) I envy those who can restrain themselves to only use those things exactly like they should. More often than not that social networks that supposed to connect me with people are the very things that disconnect me from people. And do you realize how Facebook helps us to find out that we actually hate our 'friends' that we don't know we hate? So ironic that it should be called as Ironicbook instead, and Ironman should be Mark Zuckerberg not Robert Downey Jr.

4. I always say things I shouldn't in real life, and in cyber world where the use of exclamation mark to express excitement can be interpreted as shouting madly furiously emotionally irrationally, that 'things I shouldn't say' multiply to unimaginable result. Well, unimaginable at least not until a few moments after posting or tweeting.

5. Time always has its way of  proving that my opinion is wrong, my jokes suck bad (untuk contoh sila rujuk last line dari point 3), or articles I shared are hoaxes. Go open your Facebook or Twitter now (which I can safely assume are already open kan?) and check your previous statuses and tweets. Feel like killing yourself now don't cha? Mmm hmm.

6. I want to be off the grid in real life too. Although I defined myself as an introvert, I'm actually really annoyingly relentlessly an extrovert when it comes to hanging out with what little amount of friends I have. I honestly think I need a shrink because I have a serious problem of always asking people to keluar and lepak whenever I'm alone. Serious. #NoExaggerationHere

7. I blame that on being born and raised in kampung. Maybe not so much as raised in kampung as I'm raised in rubber estate. Like seriously my hometown and my mom's are both near estate then masuk boarding school pun dapat yang sebelah estate. I cannot catch a break! Being so kampung maybe I'm genetically wired to feel so 'excited' (God, what is the equivalent to jakun because now that's racist I cannot find the suitable word to use) to live the so-called urban life. But now dah besar baru sedar what's so 'urban' about going to mall and lepak at Mamak and McD pun anyway; and is that supposed to be called a 'life'? *insert disgusted gif here* 

8. What kind of 'off the grid' I want actually? Maybe like that uzlah thingy. I'm not sure of the real definition of uzlah, but I think it means pergi some really remote place where you know nobody and start over and find your true self. An Islamic version of Eat,Pray, Love if you will. Maybe a bit like that but not to that extent. Not that I don't want to but I don't have money to go such places and live by myself. Plus my mom would FREAK OUT.

9. Off the grid = Off the chart. Being so dependant on others for 20 years plus of my life, having the need to be around people all the time to fell secure. And urghh the feelings I feel in my heart and speculations I speculate in my head when people don't reply my text, or reply busy when nak jumpa...why am I being like this. Maybe if I just distant myself from people by going off the grid, maybe the quality of my life would be tremendously improved or maybe even off the chart.

I have to be better now that I'm almost a quarter of a century, so I need to challenge myself and to do so I need to be able to live alone and to really do that is to go... off the grid.