perfectlyimperfect

Bisakah kaubaring di sisi aku malam ini? Biar tidak rapat asalkan dekat Biar detak jantungku menjadi laju Biar rentaknya membuai aku tidur Biar retaknya jiwa terpulih dikambus Biar renungmu memujukku terus Bisakah kaubaring di sisi aku sampai pagi? Biar hembus nafasmu menghangat malam Biar terus lenyap dingin hawa dan jiwa Biar cepat baik luka hati terpendam Biar sampai terlelap wajahmu kutatap Biar sampai kauhadir dalam mimpi Biar sampai angau hilang igau Biar sampai aku percaya Kau memerlukanku Sebagaimana aku Marilah sayang Baring di sisi

Aku duduk termenung lagi di depan PC. Sesekali jari-jemari kekok menekan papan kekunci. Cukup satu dua ayat, tangan kanan pantas saja menekan ' delete '. Kosong semula. Hanya tinggal ' cursor' berkelip-kelip di penjuru kiri. Mengejek mencabar aku memasukkan input. Ini bodoh. Sudah dua-tiga malam aku cuba menulis. Terlampau banyak idea dan rasa yang meminta diluahkan ke atas ruang putih ini. Tapi satu pun tak menjadi. Celaka. Tangan kanan rasa gatal lagi mahu menekan 'delete'. Okay, biar aku cuba sekali lagi. *** Petang tadi aku menatal newsfeed Facebook. Entah kenapa, semenjak dua menjak ini Facebook rajin benar mengungkit status lama aku. Mark, if you're reading this, I'm not too thrilled with this new feature. 360 degrees videos sure are cool but this is not. Tapi sebab confirm kau tak baca, aku nak cakap yang aku tak suka Yahudi. Tetiba. Tapi itulah, hidup dalam tahun-tahun pasca-Friendster dan pra-Twitter, semua yang terfikir dilua...

I wrote two drafts about you. Two. And as 'draft' is defined, they remain as drafts. But why they remain so, why I didn't publish them is not the problem here. The problem is why did I ever write about you. But it is as much a problem as eating too much of chocolate is a problem. It's dangerous, but I like it *smack lips* I can't tell for sure when did I fell for you. If I try to, sure, I would figure it out but the point is I was in denial the whole time. Why I was in denial, that I can answer. At first, you were just a colleague at least, a friend at most. And as with the nature of our workplace, people come and go at the rate of a passing train.You were just a number in a crowd. You were just another people who would finally had enough of the bs and resign. A blip if I paid attention, a blur if I didn't.  But you were a blip. Right off the bat, you were walled out by me. Why would I invest too much in someone that would leave at the call of ...