perfectlyimperfect

I'm now living in a world where I don't have a complete control of the world. It's very uneasy to handle the world which revolves so differently everyday. Everyday I have to avoid myself from touching the skin of the different sex. Because my work requires me to move at a full speed pace. Sometimes my hands got to far front... But that not what i cannot control. It's not my biggest prob though. The bigger one is to handle people who,how can i say this--- have less understanding of the limit of man-woman relationship. Owh, i got to deal with this everyday. And to tell them without telling. To tell them without hurting their heart. And to save them their face(s?)... Aku tak nak jadi biasa perempuan datang dan tepuk tampar belakang aku. Aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk dekat gile. aku tak nak jadi biasa ditenung lama-lama. aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk satu meja bersilang kaki, aku tak nak jadi biasa ketawa gelak kah kah kah sam-sama. aku tak nak jadi biasa bercinta itu aku p...

aku bekerja jadi cashier dah beberapa hari. dan mata aku terbuka. ragam manusia yang beribu-ribu. aku miliki semua. this is just a story bout one customer,one human~ which resembles me much. i just started to open my counter, when came arrive this one woman, mid forty i think with her mom,as old a lady could be.granny badan membongkok ke depan. and i am astonished of how rude this lady to me,and everybody. She insisted to put her items on two separate bills,one credit,another cash. with a smile on my face, i followed her want... there...... paid. And then so suddenly she hand out two coupons. rm4 coupon, and a discount on an item,expiring tomorrow. And i said,i cannot do anything bout that,politely. and rudely she says, "macam mana ni? awak tak boleh buat macam ni. kamu delete balik."... then i said, "tak boleh kak,kalau boleh saya dah buat dah.it's not in my hand to do this." And she insisted on getting them.owh so rude i felt blood rushing to my head.F...

For days i kept on worrying over my friendship. And for days i was in state of mourn over potential lost of a friend. More than before i cried and scream. I shivered and stammered. I stuttered and shut. Welled up in my chest, and my eyes, are nothing but fears and tears. And then I found God. I prayed in my prayer on a praying mat, I cried in front of Him, Told him anything and everything, Asking for help and rescue, Two hands over my face, and with tears rolling down the cheeks, I questioned Him over the unbearable pressure, I asked Him whether I did anything wrong. He answered nothing. He just gave a smile on my friend's face the next morning. Magical. ...Dan bahawasanya kepada Tuhanmulah kesudahan (segala sesuatu). Dan bahawasanya dialah yang menjadikan orang tertawa dan menangis. Dan bahawasanya dialah yang mematikan dan menghidupkan... [anNajm : 42-45]