perfectlyimperfect

Wake up on a Sunday morning, So determine to get up and do something, So many ideas pop in my mind,  going to do each and every one, Only to realize what popped in vegas my mind stays in my mind Because really I don't need to do something, I need  someone . And I don't have one. I should probably get a cat. Hmm.

No one ever makes me feel this way No one ever says everything you say No one ever can compare to your eyes No one ever can outshine your smile I like the way you listen to my words I like the way you understand my stutters and silence I like how sometimes I caught you looking I like how you look beautiful without you trying I dream of you in my dreams, Even when there's no you in them, I think of you in my dreams. Even when I have nightmares, It's the thought of you that I wake up to You're my heartbeats My intuition My thoughts My center of attention My ground My pillow My home My voice to follow My saviour My life My breath My reason to live My reason to love, My love.

The conversation was cut short. Hearing each others voice after so long, it's awkward. There's a tension we both can't deny but we chose to ignore anyway. You asked your questions, I asked mine. But we both know that the answers didn't matter. There were pauses and complete silences,a lot. But that, too, didn't matter. I heard the nervousness in your voice. I'm sure you heard mine too. And that final pause, we instinctively decided that the separation is too much, that the conversation was not enough; so we said our goodbyes, a moment too early. Because we both want to continue missing each other, and we do that better without us talking.

How can I say it When I don't know if you will hear How can I come close When I'm not sure if you want me near How can I invite you When there's no guarantee you will be here How can I be happy When I think you wouldn't want to see my tears But how can I know When I can't bring myself to

Aku rasa...kosong Kosong yang terlalu kosong. Sampaikan dinding yang menyempadan kekosongan Ikut sama terdorong ke lohong Tersedut ke vakum ketiadaan Menjadi koktel ruang dan waktu Yang tidak boleh lagi diukur dengan meter dan minit Lalu masa dahulu,sekarang dan mendatang menjadi satu    Maka dalam ketika yang sama dan berbeza Aku bebas dan tersepit Aku serentak mendiam dan menjerit Aku ada dan tiada. Lagi kosong dari kosong.

I moved out to somewhere closer to my workplace. So Emak and my sisters came to visit my house. I think my house is pretty decent, and it can be awesome if you really look at it with an open mind. The rent is considerably cheap since it's in Shah Alam. That includes air and api. Plus there's fridge, stove and washing machine. On top of that there's a flat HD TV with Astro Beyond for some astronomical high definition goodness (pun intended). There's internet too, although it would be awesome to have Unifi I have no complaint using the current continental-drift-slow Streamyx. Really, what more could I ask for? But obviously, Emak has a lot more to ask for. And this opinion of hers resonates with of my sis'. One step into the house, my sis said this house screams BUJANG. Well, in my defense I am. So there's that. Retrospectively, that's probably the first thing that crosses my mind too when I first stepped through the door. And then there's this tal...

I hated it when people are so careful around me. I hated it when people are carefree, when they are not around me. I hated it when they calculated their action because of my past reactions. I hated it when I have opinions on everything even when there's no one asking I hated it when I’m too scared of giving opinions because I used to have too many opinions. I hated it when I cannot find the balance, between talking too much and being too silent. I hated it when I’m expected to be loud, when it’s expected I’m most spiteful at my loudest. I hated it. I hate me.