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Aku rasa macam bersalah pulak bila tak balik beraya. Alasan aku tak balik- Study, Exams dah dekat.
But, looking back for the past few days, I didn't really get anything academical inside of my head. Rasa semacam ada sesuatu yang yang menyumbat salur masuk ilmu dari buku ke otak.
Macam oksigen masuk dalam peparu, tapi macam segan-segan pulak nak masuk di celahan hemoglobin darah.
Too many distractions I think. Hell yeah too many.

Sesi luahan rasa.Ehem-ehem.

How would you feel if someone that you cared about disappoints you? Continuously. Intentionally. How would you feel, how would you react?
You calculate your every move so that one person will not be dissappointed by you. You calculate your every move even to an extent where you want that person to be happy. But this one person simply disappoints you with unthinkable remarks, unbelievable acts of ditching, hurting, disappointing you- continuously,intentionally. Macam bagi susu, dibalas tuba rasanya.
Simply bagi tuba.Continuously. Intentionally. How would you feel?

I tell you what I feel. It makes me wonder, " What did I do wrong?" That's a bad feeling I tell you. When you start to blame yourself- that's sucks.

When I realized I did nothing that wrong to get that kind of treatment, I'll reach my next phase: Anger. Oooh this one is totally not cool. Totally. This is the time where I felt gushes of blood into my face, when I see that one person. This is where mistakes happen. The kind of mistakes that almost irreparable. Like scolding, face-punching and stuff. This is when you should sit if you are standing, lie if you are sitting.

Next, there's a phase called "REVENGE". This is one huge crappy feeling that come into you like setan. When this one person can't get the message - "Hey, I hate what you did last time, I forgive you, but please don't do it again" - that's when REVENGE took over you. Just like setan, REVENGE is playing cosplay. It can be as subtle as 'The Silent Treatment'. (Tak tau? This is a strategy where you play indifferent to what ever this one person do. Cakap tak, tegur tak. Nothing. The pedih-est treatment ever.)
Or REVENGE will take it's fullest form: get physical. Macam gunting all stuff in that one person's wardrobe ke, or infecting the hate to another kawan ke... That's how bahaya REVENGE is.

Luckily,this one person didn't get any of that. OK. Maybe sikit. Seriously, I am a good friend, but a really bad-ass enemy. Hanya iman senipis kulit bawang ini je la beza antara kena pelempang dengan tampar sayang.

Soalan bonus: Kawan yang selalu disappoint kita ni, boleh kira kawan jugak ke eh? Sekali-sekala kira boleh maap lagi ye dak?

Nota kaki: Post ini tiada kaitan dengan sape-sape. no one but my own pengalaman. Jangan mandai-mandai buat andaian. Huhu.

Comments

noin jamaludin said…
hmm..
xkn le dng aku pon nk terasa..
haha..
muet ko band 6 ek?..hehe
November 19, 2010 at 10:02 PM
Najakia said…
eh pasan la ang.bukan ang kompem 120%..
and klw aku band 6-- aku pon tak paham kot apa aku tulis
November 21, 2010 at 10:31 AM
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