perfectlyimperfect

I think I have messed up my sleep cycle. It's usual for me to pass midnight without feeling sleepy, so I watched movies,watched TV or browse the net until 2 or 3 am. Only then will I go to bed. And it's hard  when I go to bed. Because when I say I go to bed, I really mean only that; go. There's always a half or an hour of tossing and turning before I can finally sleep. And I don't know where my sister bought this bed, but it really cannot handle my pre-sleeping actions. Okay that sounds a wee bit dirty. What I mean was, sometimes the bed will malfunctioned and I have to put it back together (this is a bit technical I'm not gonna bore you with details) . It's just really didn't help with me trying to sleep. And waking up is hard too. I'm a natural early-riser. I was at least. But now I have to rely on alarm clock, which unfortunately means my cheap Nokia phone's alarm clock. If I put it too far from my head, or accidentally pushed it under my...

1. Right now I feel the need to write something, although I'm not quite sure what to write. Okay,actually  I just did the number one Don't: " If you don't know what to write, don't say you don't know what to write ." 2. Stephen King, said he set a quota of writing 2000 words a day. This is like me catching him up, but, haha, who am I kidding. 3. Having my name on the cover of a novel might be the most impossible dream I can never reached. I'll save it in my bucket list though, who knows I can fulfill it later, say in Heaven? 4.People say Heaven is a place where your wishes granted. It's like genie on steroid, no more three-wishes-only rule. 5. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed that I wrote point No.4, because it's clear as day that I'm struggling with vocabulary and witty idea there. Ughh. 6. Why oh why I'm always like this? I mean why do I always doubt myself, that everything that I do will never be good. It's okay to be ...

It was as if I was not on anyone's phone. Considering how smart a phone could be nowadays, that telling you a lot. I wasn't on anyone phone book. I wasn't in anyone's friend list. I wasn't in anyone's following list. I wasn't in anyone's email address book. I wasn't in anyone freaking life for goodness sake. I was under the radar. I was invisible. I was effing didn't exist. That if I stand in a crowd, everyone would just walk pass through me. That if I screamed, no one would notice. That if I reached for someone, I would just trip and fall. As if I was in a dimension where I could see everyone, but none see me. Like the purpose of my existence in this dimension is to weep for my non-existence. If I go, will anyone notice? If I go, will anyone care? Will anyone be sad? Will anyone cry? Search for me? Missed me? Remember? Ponder? As if I was not on anyone's phone. My take on loneliness, with a tacky connection t...

Dengan sebuah novel Rudyard Kipling di tangan, aku melangkah keluar pintu pagar menuju ke taman permainan. Bersama dua orang anak buah untuk dijaga (mati la). Bersama dua buah basikal untuk disorong (if you can call a bicycle with four wheels bicycle; more like quadcycle to me). Sampai ke taman, kaki tanpa sabar dijejak ke rumput, aaaaaand dang! lecak sebab baru lepas hujan =_=' Selesai memberi instruction dan warning pada anak-anak buah, aku lepaskan diorang terkedek-kedek kayuh basikal. But not before anak buah yang lelaki kotorkan seluar aku sebab terkena tapak kasut dia masa dia panjat basikal (*carut*) .Satisfied dengan arahan, aku melabuh punggung atas bangku. Novel dibuka, dibaca dengan muka bajet educated, tapi tidak sesungguhnya tidak, sebab cover novel itu terlampau kartun untuk aku dianggap educated, which is not my intention pun. Aku baca sebab aku malas nak tengok budak-budak tu main, which is the main point of going there, which is why I'm a bad sitter, which...

We lost that spark.  A spark you took for granted. And for that I'm so grateful. I am. If what that was was fire, it died.  If what that was was a ship, it sank.  It what that was was life, it ended. If there's any memories left,  it evokes not emotion or passion,  but maybe just habitual feelings.  Like drinking water in the morning. Something that started when we don't realized,  deserved not to be ended with goodbyes. If it never even begun,and never really ended,  It deserved no treatment of existence.  It deserved no remembrance.

Sometimes I just want to spend my morning With a cup of coffee Staring out the window Not looking at nothing Just, out the window Embracing the morning breeze That so softly blew the curtains Too softly that for a moment I pretend myself on clouds And when the sun starts to peek I watch my skin yellowed by the ray I want to realize that It was from a foreign stellar object Eight minutes ago Through a place so cold and dark So I will appreciate the warmth And the littlest warmth brought by the littlest photons Which glistened a little on my fingers As I play made-up piano On the messed up table Mimicking the cheap stereo tune From my boring, slow songs From my "Boring & Slow" playlist Which I really want to listen alone Because just I want to cry And cry And cry To the songs How sappy or happy So that the window view makes no sense anymore Just distorted and blur By the torturing tears That when I cannot take it anym...

Once upon a time, there was a varsity student named Gary who was not very bright even though he was a varsity student. In a country that Gary live in, it is not unusual for not very bright people to enter universities  as long as they are rich or willing to be in debt for the rest of their lives. But that fact didn't really matter because Gary was neither rich nor he's willing to be in debt. But the real reason it didn't really matter was because Gary didn't know why he even entered the university taking courses he deem to fail. But nevertheless, Gary was a varsity student. So Gary's everyday routine is going to lectures five minutes late. Then, during lectures he cannot understand the lectures because he was five minutes late, so he doodled crazy doodles in his book. That's on a good day, because on a bad day he will forget to bring any books so he doodled crazy doodles on the desk, the kind that's attached to the the seat. After that, he will go out of...

When life gets hard and complicated, it's easy to wish for things to be easier and simpler. "Why do I have to study this?"  "Why can't assignments finished themselves?" "Why people treat me this way?" "Why can't you do it yourself?" Etcetera, etcetera. But then wishes were granted. Life easier, simpler. A little too easy, too simple I guess. When there's no challenge, I found myself...hollow. I cannot help but to wonder what am I doing in this world when the only problems that I have to solve are "Where is the remote?"  "Who's in the bathroom?" and "I wonder what's going to happen next episode." Heck, I cannot even put a question mark to that last question because it ain't a problem at all! Get up you lazy bum. Stand on your feet. Face the world.