Exist

It was as if I was not on anyone's phone.

Considering how smart a phone could be nowadays, that telling you a lot.
I wasn't on anyone phone book.
I wasn't in anyone's friend list.
I wasn't in anyone's following list.
I wasn't in anyone's email address book.
I wasn't in anyone freaking life for goodness sake.

I was under the radar. I was invisible. I was effing didn't exist.
That if I stand in a crowd, everyone would just walk pass through me.
That if I screamed, no one would notice.
That if I reached for someone, I would just trip and fall.

As if I was in a dimension where I could see everyone, but none see me.
Like the purpose of my existence in this dimension is to weep for my non-existence.

If I go, will anyone notice?
If I go, will anyone care?
Will anyone be sad?
Will anyone cry?
Search for me?
Missed me?
Remember?
Ponder?

As if I was not on anyone's phone.

My take on loneliness, with a tacky connection towards social network. ha ha. excuse my grammar, not sure why I use past-tense. Half true, half fiction.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular

Superficial

I'm a munch-the-ice-after-the-iced-tea-is-finished kind of boy. I'm a trivial-facts-giver kind of boy. I'm a loud-on-the-social-network-silent-in-real-life kind of boy. I'm a silent-with-strangers-but-annoyingly-loud-with-friends kind of boy. I'm a plan-introducing-but-get-turned-down-most-of-the-time kind of boy. I'm a yeah-why-not-when-asked-of-doing-something kind of boy. I'm a want-something-but-will-not-tell-what-when-feeling-unhappy kind of boy. I'm a look-out-of-the-window-when-travelling kind of boy. I'm a trying-too-hard-to-make-people-laugh-that-makes-people-do-not-laugh kind of boy. I'm a can-forgive-can't-forget kind of boy. I'm a cry-when-watching-sad-movies-alone kind of boy. Those are just something that I bet you don't really notice about me. That's just my shell. Some superficial facts about me. The surface of me. So if you don't know all those non-secret things about me, chances are you don...
Baca »

Love-Hate

I love my anak buah, but they're LOUD. I love my internship, but it's tiring. I love my laptop, but it's - old. I love my phone, but it's not a smartphone. I love my sisters, but they're crazy. I love my lil sis, but she's gone. I love my parents, but they're- dramatic. I love my childhood, but it's bitter. I love my neighbourhood, but it's a FELDA. I love my fashion-taste, but my wallet don't. I love my friends, but do they? I love my confidence, but I'm a coward. I love Korean dramas, but the girls love them too much. I love Inception, but the girls can't understand it. I love Gaga, but she's too weird. I love Glee, but it's too liberal. I love Britney, but she's wasted. I love Ricky Martin, but he wore silver leggings. I love Harry Potter, but not the ending. I love the Oprah Show, but it's over. I love the Oprah Show, but nu-uh Dr Oz. I love Sheldon Cooper, but not you Amy Farr...
Baca »

Coklat

Ini adalah sambungan kepada tulisan yang pernah dikongsikan pada September 2013 : Vanila “ Apa maksud kau kau nak pergi jauh? Aku tak faham.” “Aku dapat tawaran sambung belajar di US.” “Aku tak kisah kau nak pergi US ke, London ke, Korea Utara ke. Yang aku kisah janji kita!” Dia tunduk, diam. Aku jalan mundar-mandir. Dalam hati ini bergolak seribu rasa. “Aku sudah tolak tawaran-tawaran yang aku dapat sebab kita janji kita nak study sini saja. Sampai hati kau buat aku macam ni. Sampai hati kau khianati janji kita. Khianati aku!” “Maaf.” Lama diam. Angin yang tadi bertiup pun ikut berhenti berhembus. Yang ada hanya sayup bunyi-bunyi budak bermain dari seberang padang. Sedikit demi sedikit aku menyusun pemikiran aku agar tak tersalah bicara. Dia bukan orang yang suka-suka buat keputusan tanpa sebab munasabah. “Baiklah. Jujur aku marah, aku tak faham kenapa kau macam ni. Tapi itu kita sembang belakang. Tentang tawaran yang aku tolak tu aku boleh cuba buat rayuan. Tapi hal yang penting sek...
Baca »