perfectlyimperfect

Have been very jahat lately ... As if I'm immortal As if I'm invincible Dan adapun orang yang kitabnya Diberi ke tangan kirinya Maka akan dia berkata "Alangkah baiknya jika Kitabku tidak diberikan padaku Hingga aku tak tahu Bagaimana perhitunganku Wahai,kira mati penyudah segala sesuatu Hartaku Tiada sedikit berguna bagiku Kuasaku Telah hilang dariku" "Tangkaplah dia!" "Lalu belenggu tangannya ke lehernya!" "Lalu campak ke dalam neraka yang menyala-nyala!" "Lalu belit dia dengan rantai tujuh puluh hasta!" al-Haqqah:25~32

Enjoying every minute of my life today As if there's no tomorrow Eating out today Futsal tomorrow Make jokes of everything And laughing about anything I love my friends I think I wouldn't be me without them and they wouldn't be them without me- I hope I don't want to have regrets anymore Live my life to the fullest and never get tired of it urgh,got to tidur ! There's futsal tomorrow!

Aku pernah rasa dulu Rasa bahagia merasa cinta Rasa paling kuat aku sangka Aku terdiam bila aku tersilap Aku senyap bila aku tahu Rasa bila didusta itu lagi kuat lagi pedih Jadi aku sekarang cuba lari kerana aku tak boleh melupakan lari itu tak selesaikan apa-apa Tapi cukup baik untuk aku tidak berduka Rasa itu bukan lagi satu kepentingan Sampai aku perlu rasa pedih dan tak mahu hidup lagi Jadi aku pilih tidak hadapi realiti Dan mengelak setiap kali Aku masih rasa apa yang pernah aku rasa Tapi tidak kuat sampai aku pedih Susah untuk mengelak dari merasa yang dulu tapi mungkin lebih baik begitu Dari berterusan mengharap dan mengharap. Dan mengharap. Cukup kali ini Aku tak mahu lagi Aku akan terus buat tak tahu Buat hal aku Cakap bila perlu Tegur bila mahu Aku tak mahu dia rasa apa aku rasa tapi kalau rasa apa salahnya haahaha Baru dia rasa apa aku rasa Biar dia jatuh Biar dia takut Takut untuk jatuh [Sori,the stupidest post ever,because aku bodoh biar aku jatuh.Bodohkan?}

I was at the most boring counter,where the number of human coming to pay is eerily similar to the number of my fingers.and toes. Pen in hand.I started to scribble things empty-mindedly. The past.scribble.present.scribble...And then came the future. From scribbling,now I'm jotting down my mind. This is serious man! [last ayat credited to my first annoying customer] So this is my list of things to do in the next 10 years. 1. Take piano lesson. Just love piano. 2. Take Taek Won Do class. HaiyaAaaaaAAa!!!!!! 3. Staying fit.or better yet- Put up some muscle. push-up and sit-up jogging futsal eat well 4. Learn to draw and paint. Professionally. 5.Actively blogging,which I'm trying hard now. 6. Study like never before. 7. Kahwin . Seriously. I better done this quick,because I'm putting this public. World....see me achieve all this.But now got some customers to be 'entertained'. Yes sir? Lubricant? $29.95. Ka-ching! Thank you Sir. Come again.

learnt a lot in just one day. hanging out with frens. trouble i'm in...tapi xde yang sincerely tolong. aku jarang nak mengungkit,tapi nak wat camne, dissappointed gile. so today aku ter-mengungkit to them.i feel like a monster doing that.sigh. and i can now know what kind of people i wanna b fren with.for life. b4,every fren is a fren. now,i know i cannot be fren with everyone- in da sense of >>> FOR LIFE. yeah i can tolerate with each and everyone of my frens.but frens dat share some intimacy(in a good way,note dat), understand what we feel, what we need,to have that mutual needs and feelings, is just rare. dats why i still now termenung at exceptional nights...thinking of how glorious my days at school with frens so mutual.em em.and do some salty water accumulate near my eye-bagged eyes at exceptionally horrible nights. end words so cliche- if only i could turn back time.

Seriously susah....Susah gile nak sembahyang. For a few reasons... Surau is a Never-neverland. or more accurately Far-far-awayland. Jauh gile,i have to make a complete 'lap' to reach it.The shortcut was cut short. By the authorities. For safety reasons.Huh...? The time is short. because it was given by a sick employer, very sick in this case. Islamophobic? The employer is so mean , i had to be interviewed before i can sembahyang . With questions so rude, and rules too kuku besi . examples: "Berapa kali you nak sembahyang?" "Berapa lama kamu sembahyang?" "Tunggu. Takde orang nak ganti kamu...(padahal Maghrib nak abes)" "Jangan lama sangat ye?"..(padahal bagi sembahyang lambat) "Mintak kat orang lain." (tiba-tiba takde kuasa, control ) "Kenape tak sembahyang siap-siap sebelum kerja?" (hello? kerja pukul 4,Asar 4 setengah) Bila untung dunia dikejar-kejar....camni la.kebajikan pekerja lebur cam eskem lambat scan. Tapi a...

I'm now living in a world where I don't have a complete control of the world. It's very uneasy to handle the world which revolves so differently everyday. Everyday I have to avoid myself from touching the skin of the different sex. Because my work requires me to move at a full speed pace. Sometimes my hands got to far front... But that not what i cannot control. It's not my biggest prob though. The bigger one is to handle people who,how can i say this--- have less understanding of the limit of man-woman relationship. Owh, i got to deal with this everyday. And to tell them without telling. To tell them without hurting their heart. And to save them their face(s?)... Aku tak nak jadi biasa perempuan datang dan tepuk tampar belakang aku. Aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk dekat gile. aku tak nak jadi biasa ditenung lama-lama. aku tak nak jadi biasa duduk satu meja bersilang kaki, aku tak nak jadi biasa ketawa gelak kah kah kah sam-sama. aku tak nak jadi biasa bercinta itu aku p...

aku bekerja jadi cashier dah beberapa hari. dan mata aku terbuka. ragam manusia yang beribu-ribu. aku miliki semua. this is just a story bout one customer,one human~ which resembles me much. i just started to open my counter, when came arrive this one woman, mid forty i think with her mom,as old a lady could be.granny badan membongkok ke depan. and i am astonished of how rude this lady to me,and everybody. She insisted to put her items on two separate bills,one credit,another cash. with a smile on my face, i followed her want... there...... paid. And then so suddenly she hand out two coupons. rm4 coupon, and a discount on an item,expiring tomorrow. And i said,i cannot do anything bout that,politely. and rudely she says, "macam mana ni? awak tak boleh buat macam ni. kamu delete balik."... then i said, "tak boleh kak,kalau boleh saya dah buat dah.it's not in my hand to do this." And she insisted on getting them.owh so rude i felt blood rushing to my head.F...

For days i kept on worrying over my friendship. And for days i was in state of mourn over potential lost of a friend. More than before i cried and scream. I shivered and stammered. I stuttered and shut. Welled up in my chest, and my eyes, are nothing but fears and tears. And then I found God. I prayed in my prayer on a praying mat, I cried in front of Him, Told him anything and everything, Asking for help and rescue, Two hands over my face, and with tears rolling down the cheeks, I questioned Him over the unbearable pressure, I asked Him whether I did anything wrong. He answered nothing. He just gave a smile on my friend's face the next morning. Magical. ...Dan bahawasanya kepada Tuhanmulah kesudahan (segala sesuatu). Dan bahawasanya dialah yang menjadikan orang tertawa dan menangis. Dan bahawasanya dialah yang mematikan dan menghidupkan... [anNajm : 42-45]

its been long did i write. its been tough.all are. life.relationships. study. eat. iman. everything became tough. no matter how carefree i am. i have it all, and i forget Him at all. life's too much drama. i direct it. produce it. wrote the script. everything. now i am pressured over stress i created. stupid life.stupid people. stupid me. really. it is me who's stupid. i gotta go home. my old me. this is not me. i want it all.i have it all.and now i hate it all

alone in a small room make me realize of the time wasted and money spent alone in the dark shadows and spark all entwine into one one malaysia aku mengarut cam org indonesia arghhh

Akhirnya termakbul jugak hasrat aku.aku single .tidur atas katil single .makan craft single ...dan sekarang aku duduk BILIK SINGLE !!! Yahooooooo! For more than one year i had live with my coursemate, having ups and downs, disagreements (double lock the door or just once), agreements (on airwick aroma gel,beds arrangements), pow-mengepow each others food,now i had to go to a new room. Mixed feelings- lah . Sedih ke happy sebenarnya? Well, I cannot accurately describe this because it is emotion. Emotions are not based in science. And if you can’t quantify or prove that something exists… in my mind it doesn’t. [last 3 lines credited to Scarlet of G.I Joe] . Just blend it,and grind it, and digest it Naja! Lepas ini, it is all up to me. Subuh kena pasang alarm , study and assignment kena aler t . Its kinda scary on second thought of this living alone thing.It's going to be HARD. but I'm not gonna regret on what I think right for me. N...

aku sekarang makin malas liat nak bagi komitmen. group work English aku lost. bertekak bertikam lidah segala. kelab yg aku masuk makin aku pinggir. siki-sikit. makin lama makin mengosong komitmen aku. aku jadi bebal dengan amanah aku makin tebal dengan ala kadar aku.gitu-gitu je.asalkan jadi. semua benda jadi half-heartedly done.or maybe less than half. aku memberontak.aku marah dengan diri aku, lalu aku marah dengan sekeliling. aku tak boleh putus semangat time aku tengah bersemangat. aku tak boleh hilang support whhen the job requires support. bila aku jadi ketua group, aku jadi memberontak kalau ada yang wat slek.buat separuh hati. sekarang aku yang separuh hati. biar orang tahu apa rasanya dilayan begitu.satu sem aku jadi gila sebab ni. aku tak nak jadi gila lagi sem ini. aku tak larat lagi jadi semangat bila yang lain,mcm aku sekarang,ala kadar.gitu-gitu.asal jadi. Beri petunjuk Tuhan,adakah aku begini kerana aku suka melihat yang lain terseksa, atau memang kerana aku dah tak puny...

Aku tagih simpati Tuhan, Tuhan beri aku simpatiNya... melalui seorang kawan. Ini doa yang aku diberi: "Ya Allah, Tuhan semesta 'Alam, Yang PadaMu segala kemampuan, Dan padaMu jualah segala keampunan, Dengarilah suara hati para hambaMu yang hina ini, agar kami tidak terlindung dari hidayah, rahmah dan 'inayahMu Tuhan. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya hambaMu ini telah menzalimi dirinya sendiri, dirinya penuh noda dan dosa, hatinya busuk sekali, Alpa dan lalai, tetapi pada tika ini terdetik di hati kami untuk memohon ampunanMu Tuhan, janganlah Engkau pinggirkan diri kami yang jahil ini Tuhan, kerana tanpaMu hidup kami tiada ketenangan dan arah tuju. Ya Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim, jiwa ini kotor dengan maksiat dan dosa, hati ini penuh dengan hasad dengki dan rasa cintakan dunia, sehinggakan, mati itu kami takuti dan kami jarang ingati, Ampunkan diri kami Tuhan, walau selayaknya kami diseksa di neraka, namun ya Allah, dengaril...

hari ini lain bagi aku aku bangun petang dan aku rasa pilu pilu tengok cahaya senja pilu tengok orang merata-rata dahi aku berkerut mata aku berembun tangan kanan aku genggam ujung bantal genggam kuat-kuat tangan kiri aku mengurut tepi dahi aku tak tenang banyak beban di bahu perlu aku tanggung seorang aku cerita,orang tak dengar aku pekik, orang pekak telinga aku jerit, orang jerkah balik tak payahlah aku cerita masalah kecil kita kecil di mata orang masalah besar kita kecil lagi di mata orang biar aku pendam dulu cukup masa aku luah pada Tuhan Dia tahu aku Dia dengar aku aku sayang Dia, Dia sayang aku aku sayang manusia, itu aku tak tau Tuhan, aku sujud pada Kau malam ni kejut aku ya

Macam lagu Black Eyed Peas plak...no it wasn't lah. aku nak pergi Senai lepas ni. Hantar kawan aku balik Penang. katanye nak jumpe awek die.awek die cuti~ UiTM kan kena H1N1,so cuti seminggu. Mentang2 esok takde lab, bley plak travel ke Utara dari Selatan nak jumpe awek. Naik flight lagi. Itu baru kemaruk cinta namanya. Alang-alang aku nak buka le satu kisah tentang cinta kawan aku dengan awek dia ni. Macam drama TV beb...tak tipu pnye.Belum cerita dah meremang bulu tengkuk. Geli! Babak satu bermula dengan si Hero dan Heroin belajar dalam kelas yang sama di sekolah menengah. Tak pernah tegoq!(terkeluar plak Utara). Sungguh sikit pun tak pernah. babak dua.Dan bercintalah hero ni dengan sorg lagi classmate girl ni. si heroin menjadi Posmen ( or should i say poswoman ) antara dua serindit berkicau ni.si heroin tolong pass surat dr yg betina ke hero... Babak tiga. clash -lah si hero ni dgn yg betina atas sebab musabab yg tak pasti. imagine the worst la,baru b...

OK. i have to be frank.aku memang pemalas. so i need a solution. a quick solution. a remedy. a prescription. a dont-be-lazy drug by non other than me. so i made it. The Potion (oh that's so Harry Potter like). It will work like wonder. At least aku rasa camtu. Well, it isn't something that i can eat or something. It's a timetable. Huh....?A timetable, that's really a wonder. One question that would pop up in heads of whom that know me well enough would be, "ko bley ke ikut timetable Naja?"Hahaha.... Well, I doubt myself....isk,uuuuuu. So why the sHEll i create it. I think i did because i think i can. People can change in seconds. Who knows that the second would be the second that i created this oh-so-perfect-now timetable. my life my rules. Apa aku kisah?Cak cak cak! [ayat trademark credited to Azwan Ali(?) ] Wish me...

Kiut en blog ni...like a baby..ahahahahaha... title paling propa aku bley pikir...baru nak start blogging, macam banyak masa plak aku ni.kalau ikutkan assignment byk lagi tak disiap, revision tak mula-mula lagi, test dah dekat... Look how much i sacrifice for this baby of mine....alololololoooo... University life cant be anymore harder, so why confine myself rite? Blogging ni buang sket pressure dalam life aku, makes me forget the harshness of life (aichehh!!).worth the time spent Hoping the commitment for this baby come along easy with time.takut kang bersawang berhabuk blog ni nanti.ahahahha...wish me luck